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ALWAYS FIRST: Guessed Editutorial bi Rich Jonstahn

Written by Elf With a Gun on Tuesday, March 11 2014 and posted in News with Benefits

ALWAYS FIRST: Guessed Editutorial bi Rich Jonstahn

The popular comics gadfly and gossip columnist offers a rebuttal to recent comments made by another popular comics gadfly and gossip columnist.

Too often, so much is made of Bleeding Cool head-writer Rich Johnston's spelling errors that it's easy to forget the man's journalistic accomplishments. A successful advertising copywriter and cartoonist, Johnston was able to turn his USENET postings on comic books into a successful and long-spanning career as a comics journalist, eventually leading to the foundation of Bleeding Cool.

It could be speculated that there are some within the industry who are envious of Johnston's ability to monetize his hobby and turn Blogging into a full-time career. It could also be speculated that this is the reason those same individuals refuse to acknowledge the number of news stories Johnston has been first to report over the last several years. Instead, all we seem to hear about are his spelling errors.

Until earlier this week, that is, when a non-spelling related controversy reared its head.

On Monday, The Beat's Heidi MacDonald launched a scathing piece on Bleeding Cool for Rich being a Caucasian Male speculating on Marvel's potential plans to integrate all of their digital services into one centralized application. In it, she takes Johnston and the website to task for supposedly misreporting the facts, and claiming to be the first to report it.

We reached out to Rich for comment, and felt his response deserved its own spotlight. And so, without further ado, here is a guest editorial, in his own words.


Thunk you, Elf. And oi, louk here, all of you. Ive said reepetedlee that Im not a bloody whassit... journalist. I merelee report the tips I reseive. And frankie, Im sick of the lake of disrespect we are shone. Bleeding Kewl was bloody first to report that DC was moving, and that Marvel would kill off the Human Torch and then bring him back again, and that Galaktuz would eat the Ultimate universe, and many odor important things.

That goes for this Marvel digital storee, as well, governor. We were thirst to report it, and we stand by the bloody little Bleeder wot tipped us off in the first place. And in six months, when Marvel goes ahead with those plans, we'll be first to say that "Respectuflly, we advized you of this at an earlier junction."

To be honest, Im hurt by The Beet's accusations. She wasn't just taking the piss. I thought we were all in this together. Maybe Heidi should pay a bit more bloody attention to her own sight. The comments section there reads like the worst of Infowars lately, innit? People in glass houses shouldn;t throw stones, unless the house is occupyed by Josh Hoopes, and then nail that bastard. We were first to reeport on Hoopes, by the way, but does anyone ever menshun that? No. Instead, they bloody complain about my bloody spelling. Bollocks! And pip, pip, squire.


Rich Jonstahn 


In accordance with the United States Fairness Doctrine, we reached out to The Beat's Heidi MacDonald for a response. She had this to say: "He said 'Bollocks', which, as you know, is a slang term for testicles. Women read The Outhousers, too, and we should be able to do so and feel safe, and not have to unexpectedly come across slang terms for male genitalia. Frankly, I'm outraged. Your level of reporting has really gone down hill since hiring Elf with a Gun." 

More on this story as it develops, and when it does, we will remind you that we respectfully advised you of this at an earlier juncture.



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About the Author - Elf With a Gun

Elf With a Gun appeared in several Marvel comics of the 70s and 80s, most notably harassing The Defenders and Spider-Man, before being abducted by Steve Gerber for use as a foil against Destroyer Duck. After wandering the wastelands of Forgotten Comic Character Limbo, he hitched a ride on the ThanosCopter and now resides at the Outhouse, bringing his snark, elf hat, pointy shoes, and very big gun to a new generation of comic readers. His Give-A-Fuck quotient is stuck at zero. 

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