Hello folks. Not much time tonight, so just a brief recap of what progress we’ve made on Game of Thrones. If you like playing the “drink when there’s gratuitous nakedness” game, tonight’s a pretty good episode for you.
After a quick reminder that Joffery is dead, (The king is dead! Fuck the King!) we follow Sansa as Dontos whisks her out of the city onto a ship. It turns out that the every creepy Lord Petyr is the one who saved Sansa. He has Dontos killed for helping. “No good deed goes unpunished,” seems to be doubly true in Westeros.
Tywin has a conversation with Tommon in front of Cersei about the wisdom of a king. He not-so-subtly takes Tommen away from Cercei to train because she fucked up so royally with Joff. Later, Jaime comes by the sept and rapes Cersei on their son’s funeral slab. (Is there a word for this? The slab, not incest-dead son-rape. I don’t want to know about that.) It’s very uncomfortable for any number of reasons. I mean, yeah, Cersei’s a real bitch, but that’s just not the right way to deal with it.
Arya and Sandor are taken in by a kindly old man and his little daughter, who offer Clegane a bit of silver and food if he will agree to work their fields and protect the land. Clegane agrees, “fair work for fair pay,” and then beats up the man, steals his silver, and tells Arya she’s stupid for not understanding.
Sam and Gilly flirt with each other a bit whilst defeathering chickens, which I think we can all agree is the most romantic of activities. Sam is awkwardly adorable, worried about Gilly’s honour whilst locked up with a hundred horny dudes.
Stannis yells at Davos for sending away Gendry, since his blood was clearly magical and lead to the death of Joffery. Davos points out they need soldiers more than weird magic, but they have no money. Shireen is still teaching Davos to read and as they read about Braavosi swordsmen, he comes up with a cunning plan. He has her write a letter on her father’s behalf.
Sam drops Gilly off at Mole Town, which he thinks is a good idea for her safety but very obviously isn’t.
Tywin interrupts a five-way (drink!) to offer a position on the small council and revenge to Oberyn. It is not immediately clear if he accepts.
Podrick visits Tyrion in his dungeon to warn him about the upcoming trial –it turns out Oberyn did accept, as he will be sitting on Tyrion’s council of judges. Pod tries to remain loyal to Tyrion, but our favourite imp tells him that’s a terrible plan. He has a point.
Mance, Ygritte, and the other wildlings raid a village, sending a boy off to relay the decimation to the Night’s Watch. The Crows argue about whether or not to leave the wall to confront the wildlings, but it’s agreed that they cannot leave the wall unguarded –until some of the survivors of the mutiny at Craster’s Keep return, to inform the Commander that Karl and the others are still there, living with Craster’s daughters. Jon points out that his lie to Mance about there being 1000 men is going to get shared real quick-like, and that they have to go retrieve the traitors.
Danaerys marches onto Mereen. They send out a champion with the dual purpose of challenging Dany’s men and insulting her cockless wonders. Though Grey Worm, Barristan, and Jorah all offer to fight, it’s Daario who ends up facing the champion. (I need a .gif of the wink he gives Dany when he stands to fight. You know, for reasons.) He wastes the loser very quickly, and she calls the slaves to cast of the chains of their masters. She catapults barrels of broken collars at the city. Dramatic music plays us out.
Well, there you go. Nothing so cathartic as last week, but I think we all are getting the idea that things are only growing more complicated, and that just because you really hate someone in this show, doesn’t mean things get simpler if they’re dead.