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Supernatural- Bloodlines

Written by Dr. Improbable on Wednesday, April 30 2014 and posted in Features

Supernatural- Bloodlines

Pretty people prettying so hard at each other they pretty themselves to death

Source: Supernatural

Welcome to the backdoor pilot of Bloodlines, a spin-off of Supernatural that takes all the things you love about Supernatural, eliminates them, and replaces them with pretty, wooden people.

Since this is ostensibly an episode of Supernatural, let’s talk about what Sam and Dean do here. Hearing about a few strange deaths in Chicago (i.e. ones not caused by gang wars), they investigate. There they find out that five monster families run the city –the south side belongs to the djinn, Gold Coast to the vampires (of course a CW show gives vampires the glamorous neighbourhood), etc. There are also shapeshifters and werewolves and an enclave of hunters, and they are apparently retconning half the lore surrounding those monsters, because the shifters were suspiciously un-slimy after shifting.

Sam and Dean save some stupid human cop (Grimm, much?) who gets caught up in the middle of all this. Though there are five families of monsters living in town, it turns out the murderer they’re after here is a deranged Hunter, upset that the shifters killed his child. After saving a shifter and a werewolf, they decide they’re too busy with other stuff to deal with this, so they just leave town and hope for the best. Aaaand… that’s about it for the Winchester’s involvement.

So what’s the pilot leading to? I’ve never actually seen Vampire Diaries or The Originals but I’m pretty sure it’s that with a few extra magical beings.

The low down is that this Chicago cop and incongruously non-Hispanic Pilsen resident named Ennis is about to propose to his girlfriend when she’s unceremoniously killed. (Sam is surprisingly unsympathetic to this plight.) Understandably distraught, he investigates, leading him to the family of shifters, who also lost their son and heir in the attack.

The werewolf and shifter families each discuss the impending war between the families of monsters amongst each other. As it turns out, in a truly Montague/Capulet moment, one of the shifters named maybe David is in love with one of the werewolves named probably Violet. They get kidnapped by the hooded figure who is responsible for the death of Ennis’s fiancé and David’s brother. They are not very good at being supernatural beings, because I don’t think any shifters the Winchesters came across would suffer this fate. Violet eventually wolfs out, and David stops her from mauling the killer to death.

Now that Ennis knows about the Monster Mob, he’s embroiled in this coming war, which we can learn all about next season on CW.

I hold out very little hope for my interest in this new show. It looks as cookie cutter as anything else on the CW (except for perhaps Arrow) and as much as I appreciate watching pretty people fighting monsters, there’s only so much room in my schedule for that. Props to them for actually filming some of the show in the city, though. Or at least having clever green screen editing.


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About the Author - DrImprobable

Before you ask, no, Dr. Improbable is not that kind of doctor, and will not be diagnosing your genital warts today. Seriously, put it away. The doc does more of the "mad science" brand of doctoring, though one day hopes to be that "time and space traveling" kind of doctor. In the meantime, Doc passes time cloning things, memorizing acronyms, and using large magnets. When not plotting all the terrible ways to destroy the human race (particularly those found on public transportation), the doc kills time by watching television and making sarcastic commentary on it.


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