Good news, everyone! It’s Sunday again, so that means another exciting Game of Thrones recap adventure! I promise there aren’t really any hockey interjections this time, though I have to get the obligatory “Kingslayer” joke out of the way. (You see, because we played the LA Kings? And we won? And... okay never mind.)
Jaime yells at Tyrion for throwing away Jaime’s deal. Tyrion is not sympathetic, knowing that Jaime walked right into Tywin’s hands. Since Jaime is useless at fighting with his left hand, Tyrion has to find another champion for his Trial by Combat. This will prove difficult, as Cersei has recruited Ser Gregor Clegane aka The Mountain that Rides as her champion.
Arya learns a bit about life, death, and nothingness when she and The Hound run into a man who is dying. The Hound ends his suffering with a swift knife to the heart. They are promptly ambushed. The Hound has his neck bitten and learns there’s a price on his head. He quickly dispatches the guy who bit him, and Arya learns the name of the other and stabs him in the heart. Such a fast learner of anatomy!
Jon Snow wants to close the tunnel beneath the Wall to prevent the wildings from getting in. Alliser Thorne bullies the builders to prevent this. Yeah, he’s not super keen on Lord Snow. Thus, Jon and Sam are relegated to midnight watches for the next fortnight.
Bronn finally comes to Tyrion, but Cersei has bought him out. She gave him a wife and the potential for an inheritance. Tyrion is disappointed but understanding –he didn’t hire Bronn because he was an honest and faithful guy.
Daario comes to Dany with some wildflowers. He’s got a mad boner for her. She tries to act like she’s too good for him, but obviously wants that D.
Mellisandre gives Queen Selyse a weird sort of pep talk, especially coming from a woman who blatantly seduced her husband.
Daario runs into Jorah, reassembling his ensemble from his no doubt eventful evening. Jorah obviously disapproves. Daenerys brushes off his judgement of her sex life and shares her new plans: send Daario with the Second Sons off to Yunkai to retake the city. Jorah talks her out of that, convincing her that she must offer mercy to the masters, as Ned Stark did to him. She concedes and agrees to send Hizdar zo Loraq with them as an ambassador and give the masters a choice to live in her new, slavery-free world, or to die in their old one. She also tells Jorah to make sure Daario knows it was him who changed her mind.
The Hound won’t let Arya cauterise his bite wound. He explains his burn came from his awful brother. Betrayal cuts deep, man.
Brienne and Pod run into Hot Pie, who has really found his calling as a cook. He rambles on about gravy and kidney pie. Brienne asks him about Sansa; he lies and says he knows nothing about any Starks, at all, thank you enjoy your pie. The next day, Pod questions whether they should advertise that they’re looking for Sansa, and Hot Pie immediately comes out to tell them about his time with Arya. Thanks to Tyrion forcing Pod to know all about the alliances, he suggests that she and The Hound might be escaping to the Eryie.
*Intense Emmy-worthy scene spoilers* Oberyn comes to Tyrion. He explains that he and his sister saw him when they were very young, and that he never considered him a monster, unlike Cersei, who apparently has always had it out for Tyrion since their mother died in childbirth. Mommy issues! Anyway, he wants revenge on Gregor Clegane for raping and murdering Elia, so he promises to be Tyrion’s champion.
Up in the high reaches of The Vale, Sansa tries to build a snowcastle version of Winterfell. Her cousin Robin shows up and throws a temper tantrum and knocks it down. She gets angry and slaps him. Petyr sees the whole thing and tells her the kid could afford to be slapped a bit. Sansa, proving she’s not as stupid as everyone says she is, asks why Littlefinger really killed Joffery. He admits he was in love with Catelyn and hated seeing Joff hurt her family. Then he kisses Sansa, leading to her panicking and running.
Lysa calls Sansa into the hall to yell at her- not for slapping Robin, but for kissing Petyr. She grabs Sansa and holds her over the moon door. Petyr intervenes, saving Sansa’s life. Then he tells Lysa the only woman he ever loved was Catelyn and pushes her out of the door. #rekt.
Not much to say here, I think we all can tell that shit’s about to get real in King’s Landing. Likewise, the death of Lysa is going to have some impact on Arya’s journey (girl can’t catch a break). I’m also interested to see what they set up with Dany in Mereen and Yunkai –things are a little different over there compared to the books, which is probably good for pacing and keeps those of us insufferable book readers in the dark. But seriously King’s Landing is about to get even crazier.