Goddammit CW. Fucking Cubs game. So, not only do idiotic suburbanites have to ruin my commute home and upset my running route, but they also take Supernatural’s season finale away from me? What bullshit.
Of course, this being the finale, “Carry On My Wayward Son” serves as the background for the brief brainsplosion recapping this entire meandering season nine. After, we waste little time pushing the plot forward so we can get to the more exciting aspects of the season finale. Sam and Cas whisk not-yet-dead Gadreel out of the way and lock up Dean.
Metatron uses angel radio to tell his new followers that he is going on a trip to heaven. But don’t worry earth-bound angels, he’ll be back soon! He explains to some new angel minion of his that simply having the adoration of Cas’s followers isn’t enough; it’s like a people’s choice award, and he want’s the real deal. (Sick meta-burn). Meanwhile, Sam and Cas chase after the escaped Gadreel. Cas gives up a bit of grace to heal him. Man, he’s gotta be running on fumes at this point.
Dean summons Crowley, who is getting a massage. Dean, naturally, can’t actually come out and say that he wants help from a demon (and the King of Hell, no less!) but tells Crowley that he wants Metatron very, very badly. Sam and Cas, having convinced Gadreel that they weren’t on Dean’s side when he stabbed him, need a new plan. They reluctantly agree they need Dean to off Metatron with the First Blade.
Dean and Crowley are looking for Metatron, who has been getting more of a God Complex every minute. Over a double cheeseburger, they discuss how to find the holy scribe; conveniently Crowley’s minions come in with a video of Metatron saving a woman who had just been struck by a car. He calls himself Marv and whispers something in her ears. Dean scrambles to find her, leaving behind his cheeseburger. #NeverForget
Crowley gets Dean to the victim’s house, where Cas and Sam have already arrived. (Sam’s research skills > Crowley’s demon minions.) Dean shoes Crowley off and they develop a new plan. Cas and Gadreel try to break into heaven to steal the angel tablet, which is the source of Metatron’s powers. They do a shit job of it, promptly getting nabbed. Sam and Dean are off to find Metatron’s next target.
Metatro, still posed as Marv, is going all messiah on everyone. He alleviates some guy’s diabetes. The people love him, which is what he wanted all along –to replace God. A gingery angel tries to explain who Metatron really is, but the people rally for him and kill the angel (unknowingly) to defend him.
Gadreel and Cas bargain with Hannah, the angel who had been Cas’s number two. She doesn’t believe them about Metatron’s nefarious plans, but Gadreel finally decides to atone for his fuckup in the garden by kamikazing himself, breaking the cell. This convinces Hannah that he’s serious. She takes Cas to Metatron’s office.
Dean lays out Sam (because little brother can’t fight this fight agan) and follows Metatron. They have a face-off. Metatron rambles on about how he’d make a better god than God because he’s actually walked amongst the common people. You see, God is sort of like an annoyed parent babysitting all sorts of children at a birthday party –he’s just tired and doesn’t give a shit that much. Dean is CainRaging too hard to give a crap, and goes in for the kill. Unfortunately for his murder boner, the Word of God >> Mark of Cain. Just when Cas finds the tablet upstairs and you think everything is going to be okay, Metatron stabs Dean in the heart. And right when Moose wanders in, no less.
Before Metatron can turn on Sam, Cas shatters the tablet and he zaps up to heaven. Metatron monologues about everything that’s happened, including the death of Dean, (also, that’s like rule #1 of supervillainy, don’t fucking monologue your plans) and rounds in on Cas… only to find that Cas has used the angel radio to broadcast his monologue to everyone. (See: rule #1.) The angels swoop in on Metatron.
Sam and Dean have a moment as Dean dies. Dean doesn’t want to become the monster that he’s evolving into, so he’s happy to die. He’s proud of the work they’ve done, though like, how much has he really let Sam do for himself? Whatever, he’s dying, now’s not the time.
Cas ultimately doesn’t kill Metatron, just locks him up. Hannah asks him what he will do, and he says he’s tired of the leadership game, and he’s ready to just be a normal angel. She points out that with his stolen grace, he’s basically got a short timeline on that.
Sam, in typical Winchester fashion, refuses to let bygones be bygones (except for that time in season seven where he totally left Dean in purgatory for a while) and calls upon Crowley to make a deal and save Dean.
Our pal Crowley shows up, commenting on the fact that Winchesters Never Stay Dead. He almost kind of asks Dean’s forgiveness for where the Mark led him. He mentions that he never technically lied to Dean, just left out some details. Oh, and there’s another detail he forgot- Cain, too, was willing to kill himself rather than live with the madness the First Blade conferred to him. Unfortunately, the Mark was too strong, so though his humanity was lost, something… darker remained. Crowley suspected that Dean might have the same thing going on. He calls upon Dean to wake up and join him in his quest to shake things up. Dean lies quietly in death for a moment, then opens up his solid black eyes. It’s demon time!
Next season: Cas and Sam vs. Crowley and Dean? #OhGodIHopeSoPleaseSayYes #ActuallyWaitWhatTheFuckIsGodUpTo #MaybeHeShouldCheckThisShitOut
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About the Author - DrImprobable
Before you ask, no, Dr. Improbable is not that kind of doctor, and will not be diagnosing your genital warts today. Seriously, put it away. The doc does more of the "mad science" brand of doctoring, though one day hopes to be that "time and space traveling" kind of doctor. In the meantime, Doc passes time cloning things, memorizing acronyms, and using large magnets. When not plotting all the terrible ways to destroy the human race (particularly those found on public transportation), the doc kills time by watching television and making sarcastic commentary on it.
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