Welcome to (yet another) new feature here at the Outhouse; Ranting With RU. As the title suggests, this feature will consist of barely coherent and completely unsearched opinions by your good buddy, RU. This week's rant: Why the bloody hell isn't The Doctor a doctor?
The other day as I was on my way back to work from lunch I was listening to the most recent Big Finish Doctor Who audio play: The Secret History (5th Doctor) and it struck me as ridiculous that the Doctor isn't a doctor.
I don't remember if there was an actual line along the lines of "Doctor of what?" or "Are you a medical doctor?" or if The Doctor gave one of his traditional "Of pretty much everything" or "Not as such" answers or if just listening to the audio play inspired the thought, but the more I wondered the more it really began to annoy me.
He's an immortal with a time machine who is always getting in some sort of trouble where an MD would probably be very useful. Beyond that, he is anywhere from 3,000 – 6,000 years old (depending on what, if any, peripheries you attribute to cannon); there's probably been a lot of advances since he graduated. Fucking drop Clara off for coffee, go to school for twenty years or just find a way to take the certification test, become an actual doctor, and go pick her back up a half hour later.
"But RU, he doesn't need a piece of paper to say that he knows what's what with what."
True enough, but then just say "Yes, I am a doctor of medicine (or whatever is needed at the moment.)" Why be all mysterious about it. Imagine how many misunderstanding could have been avoided if the Doctor just said "Hey, I'm a medical doctor, maybe I can help" rather than sneaking around and being a circumspect until he and - his companions - are caught and have to explain how they were just trying to be helpful before being thrown in a jail cell.
"The Doctor doesn't lie, so he can't say he's a doctor."
What show are you watching? The Doctor lies more often than I need spellcheck.
This whole thing really got under my skin over the weekend to the point that (and I may not have been completely sober) I might have, rather loudly, explained to a friend of mine at the bar that The Doctor was a goddam poser and that if, after a few millennia, the lazy twat couldn't get a fucking degree then maybe he should change his name to "Graduate Assistant."
There's a good chance that comment really pissed off some of my fellow bar patrons as I live in a college town.
And another thing! The Doctor is always complaining that most of the trouble he gets into is cause when one or more of his companions wonder off, especially in the original run. Well, you know what would solve that problem? Stop leaving your idiot / stubborn friends alone!
It's like that fucking Curious George. Why the Hell haven't the authorities punished the man in the yellow hat yet for habitual poor monkey supervision? "Hey, I'm The Doctor and every time I leave Tegan and Adric alone bad shit happens." Then don't leave them alone, you fuckwit!
I don't know who gets kidnapped more per appearance, Nissa or Burt Ward's Robin?
Off topic but, Adric is a douche (can you tell what Doctor I am working my way through?)
But, seriously, get a medical doctorate already.
Have a topic you'd like to see ranted about? Let me know in the comments section. ~RU