Tuesday, December 18, 2018 • Morning Edition • "At least we're not CBR!"

Durnkin Reveewz: Death of X #4

Written by Zechs on Thursday, November 24 2016 and posted in Features

Durnkin Reveewz: Death of X #4

An entire year of waiting and these are the answers we get?!

*So people love my rants enough on the forums of certain comics they have demanded this be posted to the front page. So here it is. Will this be a regular feature? The thought of it being one kind of scares even I. We'll see. 

To those who do not know what they're about to read. Well, here's your warning. The following is just Zechs being Zechs. Grammatical errors are bound to happen you down three bottles of This Ain't Your Dad's Root Bear trying to comprehend the garbage you read. So there. You've been warned. Anything now is on your head for not following the warning.    

Why do I even bother anymore? It's not like I'm actually paying for Marvel Comics anymore. I just bought one. ONE Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows this month, on the off chance I can watch a single Spider-Man crash and burn gloriously and drown the shit-stain of "One More Day", and whatever the hell that stupid sequel that only reopened that wound was. I know it was just as bad, but thankfully my mind has repressed the name of the damn story all too well. 

Anyway, yeah I just buy DC Comics or Indie Comics now. What a fucking world we live in now where Marvel royally fucks up now, when just a year ago it was DC who made it their job in life to do so.

The funny thing these are simple concepts THAT SHOULD WORK. Yet, they crash and burn into a glorious mess. Thankfully, I don't pay for these comics or else I be more pissed that I was (I either read these comics at my LCS or through "other" means). Nope, I'm just mad that Marvel sucks time out of my life and that they owe me money for wasting it on their current product. 

That tab is currently at $20 by the way. Basically worth one of their exaggerated priced graphic novels.  So let's go onto the latest $4 that Marvel owes me, Death of X #4

We've been waiting well over a year. A fucking year for why Cyclops was so bad that it somehow made him worse than Magneto x 10.  What we get with this issue is anything but that. Seriously, nothing awful or villainous happens. The freaking Inhumans act more villainous in this damn mini than Cyclops does. 

But that's not even the best worst part. The "twist" everyone and their mother could see coming did in fact finally come. SURPRISE! Cyclops been dead since #1 and Emma was mentally projecting "Cyclops" and fuck... how do we expect to believe this horseshit? Emma's good and all, but that good? Wasn't her powers on the fritz? When did she become this powerful? Hell, I think she loses it more than me at the end of this comic. Least that's what the artist seems to be conveying. 

But still my mind tries to wonder throughout this that the other characters involved in this HAD TO KNOW.  The Cuckoos and Magneto had too. Hell, Magneto's wearing his damn helmet throughout this. Isn't that thing supposed to block mental projections?!  

But what gets me most is how everyone in the X-Men is all remorseful and sad that Cyclops is dead. Wait... This entire year these characters were doing nothing more than saying, "WHAT CYCLOPS DID WAS EVIL! EVIL!" Yet somehow back then they're all cool with the actual deed they did that eventually was made to be like he did something worse than what Magneto used to do. It makes them all look like hypocrites. All of them most of all Storm. 

I mean all "he" does is basically sacrifice Alchemy to change the nature of the clouds. Yet somehow that makes him evil. HOW?! i don't seem any loss of life. Hell even "Cyclops" says that no Inhumans or humans can be hurt with the cloud. Does this cloud hurt them later on? Nope. So how is this a bad thing? He didn't EMP the entire world, nor did he sack New York. Nope all "he" did was sacrifice one mutant to stop a cloud that was the massive genocide of a race. While the other race who created it was like, "Huh.. oh well. Them the breaks." 

I just... can't believe how shit the X-Men comics mostly are. I say mostly because I know Uncanny X-Men is good... It can be good. It's just you got Greg Land drawing this comic, I don't care even if it's William Shakespeare who has risen from the grave to write a damn script for this comic. And sadly that's what Cullen Bunn does day in and day out with that series. But Greg Land is gonna fuck it all up no matter and ruin whatever good plot Bunn has going.

The other exceptions would be I guess Old Man Logan (don't much care for the original, don't much care for it now)and All-New Wolverine (I have love/hate thing with me with it). I want to love it, but there's just something off with the comic for me. Probably the shitty fact the character is hampered with whatever the fuck is going on in All-New X-Men.

Fucking hell the best overall X-Men comic is freaking Uncanny Avengers!! How the fuck did that happen?! A comic called Uncanny AVENGERS is out X-mening any comic named X-Men!! Fuck I need a drink to drown my memories of this shit. Then mull if this is the day that I should ask Marvel to repay me for the growing tab of this garbage they call product. I bet anyone currently who replies to this review can write a better story. Even the damn spambots or trons that habit the forums can write a better story then what we're currently getting.

I don't know who came out of this mini series I hated most. It seems to be an all of the above affair. A.) The Inhumans who are come off as arrogant pricks, yet somehow we're supposed to root for these characters. If that wasn't enough we're still getting forced more shitty Inhuman comics to try and change our mind, which we aren't. B.) The writers of this comic and the lack of any sort of payoff to "Scott doing something SOOOOOO Evil". C.) the realization of the massive deep trench  the X-Men comics seem to be in right now. D.) the waste of deaths of Madrox and Cyclops, because we just know these deaths will be undone due to the utter stupidity of this event. 

Then again, the fact that next year we're supposed to get a "new era" of X-Men comics, yet to me seems like the same old shit we got last year and currently. Fuck... how did it come to this? How did Marvel make me hate a Dr. Doom ongoing so? How did they make the X-Men books almost this radioactive? Oh, and Captain America is lawfully evil now in a time when we need him more than ever to be good. I almost pity anyone who's actually buying these comics. Just go back and read older X-Men stories. Read something better. Throw your money at things that have good writing and art. Cause this shit isn't any of that that. It's just shit.

Anyway, that's it. I can say no more. It's time for me to drink away my sorrows and hope that tomorrow I have no memory of this garbage. Just an awful hangover which at least can mercifully end. I see no end in sight when it come's to X-Men comics. 





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About the Author - Zechs

Zechs is the lord and master of The Toy Shed, Moment of the Week, and Durnkin Reveewz. He's also the official whuppin boy at the Outhouse. So he'll get stuck seeing stuff that no mere mortal should ever see. If there's any greater quality to Zechs, it's that he's an avid fan of comic book characters and would defend them to the bitter end against the companies that use them wrongly. He's also brutally honest. Zechs walks the lonely path in Chicagoland area.


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