Friday, December 15, 2017 • Afternoon Edition • "The CBR of comic book journalism."

Durnkin Reveewz: Civil War II #8

Written by Zechs on Tuesday, January 03 2017 and posted in Features

Durnkin Reveewz: Civil War II #8

Captain America's reaction in this article's image best summarizes Zechs' face in reading this very comic.



* To those who do not know what they're about to read. Well, here's your warning. The following is just Zechs being Zechs. Grammatical errors are bound to happen you down three bottles of This Ain't Your Dad's Root Beer trying to comprehend the garbage you read. So there. You've been warned. Anything now is on your head for not following the warning.e

 

Holy crap! Brian Michael Bendis did it! I didn't think it was possible, but I'll be damned the man did it! Civil War II is actually worse than Avengers Disassembled. I didn't think it humanly possible. But I'll be damned. I'd rather read the later story than ever put myself through the former EVER again. 

Now I know what you're thinking. How can you say that Zechs? I'll put it to you this way. Reading Avengers Disassembled is like binging on a TON of White Castle sliders then a few hours later stuck on the pot to deal with twenty-five minutes of diarrhea. Sure your ass hole will be sore afterward from the experience, but at least you can relax, get away from the bathroom, and the worst is all but over.

Civil War II isn't like that at all.

No it's like right after you've had a all-night binge and now throwing up like crazy because you've drank way too much alcohol. Your throat is sore. That can of deodorizer is so far away from your reach. and you're just glued to the toilet wondering when the vomiting will just ever end?! WHY WON'T IT JUST END?! Then when you recover the taste of your vomit is still in your mouth that it'll almost make you want to puke again. It's going to take a VERY long time for you to recover from the experience and make you question, "WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THIS?" 

See, that's where I am right now at even giving an paying mind to this event. "WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THIS?" Almost a week now, and I can still taste the story's putrid odor. The worst part is I only read issues one thru three (I think so. All fuzzy after you repress badly written comics from your mind with the addition of alcohol) and yet here I am still aware of the plot, and.. I feel like I've missed nothing at all. But that's really the style Bendis tells. He can overwrite a single issue into a six issue arc. 

Age of Ultron I can feel I missed a beat. Secret Invasion I can feel I missed a beat. Even freaking Avengers Disassembled which I only bought the first and last chapter, I was so freaking confused by it all. 

No utter confusion here and it makes me wonder, "WHY IN THE HELL WAS THIS THING EXTENDED TO EIGHT ISSUES?!" I feel like there was no utter point in this, other then this comic makes me think the original Civil War is like Citizen Kane to it. And I HATED the original Civil War, save the Ed Brubaker-penned Captain America tie-ins. The answer isn't just as simple then just this:

thetruth

No, it's this: MERCHANDISING!! Where the real money is made! Eight huge-ass splash pages to make us hype for future events that instead make me let out, "ENOUGH!! Please Marvel just give us a time to take in this relaunch! Is it any wonder why DC Comics might be kicking your ass in sales and comics? They're actually letting us take a breath!"  

The only positive I can say about the series is the actual art, but even then if I recall right the artist barely even cared as well with some glaring continuity issues.  If he doesn't care, or the editor for not realizing the mistake: why should we?! 

It pains me to see Marvel this way after so many years. That really the only comics that made me drop money down for them was a Darth Vader solo comic. Yet, here I am not paying a single dime at a Doctor Doom ongoing. A DOCTOR DOOM ONGOING. Even better, there's a Spider-Woman arc currently featuring (I guess) the original Hobgoblin. Yet, I have paid almost no mind to it. I didn't even know the latest issue was out till today. DA FUCK?!  I'm beside myself at utterly betraying characters I truly enjoy. I should be enjoying the fuck out of this, yet here I am instead giving money over to their competitor, DC Comics.

Why? Quite simple. $2.99 for most of their comics, a focus on characters I enjoy (you know unlike freaking Web Warriors when it becomes the Spider-Gwen show!!!), shorter stories, and actual breathing room. How can you not resist that temptation?

I wanna say I'm done, and I have in the past done so. In 2000 during the Howard Mackie/John Bryne Era of Spider-Man and X-Men being run by I dunno. Both comics were an holy mess. I just decided to look away from Marvel. Boy did that cost me. Missing out on the early part of JMS run on Spidey. Grant Morrison on X-Men. Seeing Kurt Busiek/George Perez's finale run on Avengers. I could go on. I'm afraid I'll miss that again if I look away. Yet, given the Marvel comics around me. I don't think I will. There is clearly something amiss in most Marvel Comics these days. Something that has been missing since Secret Wars early last year.

I want to give in, but every moment I want to. I just know Marvel will probably cancel then relaunch the damn comic after their next event. Worst the continuity. Whenever Bendis is writing a Marvel Comic: first rule of Bendis: ignore what everyone else has written or currently writing. The only comic that is beginning to even strike my interest is Gwenpool.

GWENPOOL.

 

I just am confounded by the revelation as you are. WHY AM I EAGERLY BEGINNING TO ANTICIPATE THIS? How suddenly is the comics are popping up more and more in my cache on Comixology?! HOW IS IT I AM READING A COMIC THAT CO-STARS BATROC ZE LEAPER AND NOT DOOM?! GLORIOUS-- *remembers the last two issues of Gwenpool* .....  You win this round comic. 

And looking at the future. I just see barely any hope and it saddens me. Because deep down I know in a few months this comic will be canceled. Then relaunched. Will it have the same creative team? Probably not, but I hope so. With that sort of inkling, that just proves to me there is a deep problem currently effecting Marvel Comics. Something that dare I say gives me great pause in wondering when they themselves will realize it? 

 





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About the Author - Zechs


Zechs is the lord and master of The Toy Shed, Moment of the Week, and Durnkin Reveewz. He's also the official whuppin boy at the Outhouse. So he'll get stuck seeing stuff that no mere mortal should ever see. If there's any greater quality to Zechs, it's that he's an avid fan of comic book characters and would defend them to the bitter end against the companies that use them wrongly. He's also brutally honest. Zechs walks the lonely path in Chicagoland area.

 


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