Monday, January 23, 2017 • Morning Edition • "Manufacturing outrage since 2006."

The Bottom Rope Report: Smackdown Live (1.10.17)

Written by Jeff Moss on Thursday, January 12 2017 and posted in Features

The Bottom Rope Report: Smackdown Live (1.10.17)

Yellow Lantern Rings! WCW Stars! Talk Shows! Punching! Smackdown Live!


Source: WWE

Last week on WWE Smackdown Live: We had a rip-snortin' main event that crowned a new Intercontinental Champion, Dean Ambrose! Dolph Ziggler took a left turn at "Good Guy" and entered "Bad Guy" territory while John Cena's face continued to run the place and he has the contract to prove it!

This week on WWE Smackdown Live:

As per Union rule 2375 that says "All Wrestling Shows with 'S' in the title must begin with a fake talk show," The show began with Dean Ambrose's Ambrose Asylum. Since Dean can only talk to one other wrestler per month (In accordance with Union Rule 2376), his guest was The Miz.

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The two chatted about the weather, what they were doing on the weekend, mentioned that they both were entering the Royal Rumble, y'know, general small talk. Then, The Miz demanded that Ambrose return the IC Championship to him! Dean queried "So, what, like, in a match...?" to which Miz replied "No... just give it to me..." Then they awkwardly stood in the ring for seventeen minutes.

Then Dean presented Miz with an autographed picture of WCW's Johnny B. Badd (aka WWF's Marvelous Marc Mero).

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Miz responded to that as anyone else would have.

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And thats how we left things as Smackdown live entered it's first commercial break. Upon returning from said break, Natalya and Nikki Bella were scheduled to have a match, but both were so impressed by the opening segment that they decided to do their best impression of it right then and there!

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This continued until the referees came out and asked them take it to the back, because the first match of the night was about to begin.

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1. Kalisto vs Dolph Ziggler

Ziggler knew that Kalisto was in over his head in taking him on, so he decided to use the time to try out some new material for his Stand-Up Comedy routine. Ziggler loves comedy and in fact used to date comedian Amy Schumer.

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Dolph's act often touched on real-life issues and situations like politics and racial discrimination...

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To more observational fare...

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Unfortunately, no one found Dolph's jokes as funny as he did, except Apollo Crews who came rushing to the ring to tell him so. Dolph tried to set up a chair to give Crews a front-row seat to the remainder of his set. Sadly, he ended up getting too excited and instead clobbering Apollo with said chair.

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We'll have to tune in next week to see if Crews takes it sitting down...

...Before that though, the Tag Titles are on the line!

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2. Smackdown Tag Team Championship Match: American Alpha (c) vs The Wyatt Family (and Randy)

Chad Gable and Jason Jordan are the current tag team champions and that don't sit right with Old Man Wyatt and his zany crew! The match went pretty well for American Alpha with Gable taking most of the punishment while Jordan took the win for the team after is was revealed he had the power of flight!

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Disappointed in his team's loss, Randy Orton took the moment to express his feelings about the situation to Luke Harper OUT OF NOWHERE.

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Bray was having none of it though, reminding Randy that he signed on to be part of this family for a really long list of reasons so compelling and so interesting that I won't bother listing them here.

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Moving along, next up Carmella came to the ring with her paramour, human jujube James Ellsworth to take on the dreaded LOCAL TALENT.

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3. Carmella vs Local Talent

Supposedly, LOCAL TALENT's real name is "Thunderkitty," but that seems just a little to reasonable to be true. Commentator 1 of 7, Mauro Ranallo, tried to make up a name for her quickly on the spot, but Commentator 3 of 7, JBL, just kept calling her "Millie Burke" who we assume was an aunt or cousin or something.

Anyway, James Ellsworth slithered into the ring to give Carmella the assist and LOCAL TALENT ended up losing by submission.

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She was last seen at the LOCAL BUS STATION headed back to her LOCAL PLACE OF RESIDENCE to get dinner ready for her LOCAL FAMILY.

Finally, just before the Main Event, WWE Champion AJ Styles joined the commentary team, ballooning it's numbers to double digits.

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4. John Cena vs Baron Corbin

Corbin tried to get the jump on Cena at the beginning of the match by using his newly-acquired Yellow Lantern Ring to wear him down.

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Corbin then turned the power of Fear to AJ Styles, but his aim was off and he ended up hitting the WWE Championship belt, deflecting the beam an hitting an old man! The crowd was stunned, but not so stunned they couldn't take pictures.

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While Corbin burst out laughing and Styles carefully checked his Belt for scratches, Cena unleashed the POWER OF JORTS and hit Corbin with a 5-Knuckle Shuffle, STFU, and Attitude Adjustment all at once for the victory!

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Styles then jumped up on the announce table, holding his WWE Championship high in the air for all to see, as if to say "Hey guys, it's cool. The belt's fine. It'll be in top condition when I hand it to you at the Royal Rumble, John."

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Cena responded by showing Styles the sweet autographed picture of WCW's Johnny B. Badd (aka WWF's Marvelous Marc Mero) that the Miz had spontaneously (re)gifted to him in the back before the match.

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Next Week On WWE Smackdown Live: I can't say for sure, but I'm going to guess that Natalya and Nikki will fight, Ambrose and Miz will talk and Cena and Styles will engage in some kind of confrontation in which they almost kiss.

 




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About the Author - Jeff Moss


While most kids spend their days dreaming of being firemen or astronauts, Jeff Moss was firmly holed up in his room with a stack of comic books and wrestling magazines, shying away from natural light. Jeff works as an editor at Blind Ferret and manages the subscription box service, Comic Bento Jeff lives with his Transformers, girlfriend and daughter who both don't get wrestling. He attended Wrestlemania 18, just ask him. He'll tell you all about it.
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