Tuesday, December 12, 2017 • Evening Edition • "We Wipe Last. Not Before."

Durnkin Reveewz: Spider-Woman #16 & Amazing Spider-Man #24

Written by Zechs on Sunday, February 26 2017 and posted in Features

Durnkin Reveewz: Spider-Woman #16 & Amazing Spider-Man #24

I finally figured out what's wrong with Marvel Comics these days. You have to actually read them.



* To those who do not know what they're about to read. Well, here's your warning. The following is just Zechs being Zechs. Grammatical errors are bound to happen you down three bottles of This Ain't Your Dad's Root Beer trying to comprehend the garbage you read. So there. You've been warned. Anything now is on your head for not following the warning.

 

I don't even know why I keep coming back to Marvel Comics these days. The company in comic form is a mess. A literal filthy mess. Is it masochism? Loyalty? Is it hope? Or is it because I just want to see how awful things can get? The answer is all of the above. Marvel Comics, is not in a good spot these days. You'd think they are with all their PR saying they're doing great. Deep down? They aren't.

You'd think they are with all their PR saying they're doing great. Deep down? They aren't. Civil War II was dog shit. It wasn't the worst even they ever had (Ultimatum still wins by a large margin by actually killing an entire line that never recovered from the event). Uncanny Avengers is the best Avengers title.  USAvengers and Ultimates 2 could be, but that pesky event bug is already biting both comics midrun. Inhumans vs. X-Men is exactly the long-driven plot mess that it showed us in its very first issue.  Monsters Unleashed, a probably good event then it has any right too can't even be registered by many (including myself) given how fatigued some of us are at these barrages of events. Then there's Dead No More: The Clone Conspiracy

I already went to great lengths of my distaste how it ended and with Amazing Spider-Man #24 hitting this past week. I had to look at it. Just to see if I was right in that it would add the piece that I felt was sorely missing in the actual main book. Goddamit I was right. 

The issue basically shows us the full on Jackal II/Doc Ock grudge match that we saw a bit in the finale of Clone Conspiracy #5. Here though we get the actual goods and a proper what the hell happened to Otto and Ben. SURPRISE! Neither died. Future subplots for Ock are established (he gets the perfect clone. Which by the way. How is it Armin Zola pulled off this shit or done something to this degree? His clones are far superior then the Jackal's given the clones don't even have a freaking flaw with them. Hell, his greatest clone is the Red Skull running around Marvel these days. Heck, why haven't Zola, Jackal, High Evolutionary, the Dark Beast, and Mr. Sinister (the great "villainous" mad geneticists of the Marvel Universe never once gone to war with one another in a true "Evolutionary War"? Inquiring minds want to know Marvel?! Wait, I just thought of an entirely better event than anyone has at Marvel in two years (yes, I'm including this one). DA FUCK? 

*ahem*

So getting off track here. Then we're thrust into the true fight: Ben Reilly vs. Miles Warren. Jackal vs. Jackal. I almost feel sorry for future Scarlet Spider writer Peter Allen David. Again, he has to clean up a huge mess that other writers have left a character (the first original Hobgoblin reveal, The Other just spring to mind easily for me).  Ben is in a real shady place now. A literal villain. For fans hoping that he'd return, well you got your wish. It was via a Monkey's Paw, wasn't it?  Admit it! We've all thought about using one. I myself used one from time to time (heck more on that later). 

This isn't what you were hoping for, wasn't it? Heck, I can almost visualize and hear in my head the late Dragavon's words on how pissed he would be at this. Given, Ben was his favorite Spider-character.   You're pissed. In fact, I get the feeling this might even win Most Maddening Moment so far this year, won't it? Cause Ben Reilly isn't a guy who thinks he's doing a good thing. He's a guy who ordered other villains to murder Spider-Man. Who really isn't someone you find yourself rooting for after this issue. 

But I digress. If Dan Slott and later Christopher Yost can make Kaine into one of the greatest Spider-Man characters you'd enjoy. Maybe PAD can pull off a similar miracle? He so isn't going, is he?

There were no miracles to behold with Spider-Woman #16.  I never followed much of this series to begin with, given: A.) not a fan of Jessica Drew fan. B.) Dennis Hopeless is the writer. C.) Dennis Hopeless is good with mini's, not ongoings. D.) Anytime I hear the name Dennis Hopeless I think of how he utterly destroyed all those wonderful young Avengers in Avengers: Arena and Avengers: Undercover E.) I'm coming onto a series that's in its death throws. 

But I came onto this series because the original Hobgoblin was going to be the final arc antagonist. I love the original Hobgoblin. So, I made a Monkey's Paw wish. I wanted him back. I got it-- written by Dennis Hopeless. 

To be fair, the previous portions of this arc were pretty good. Dare I say, Hopeless nailed the character of the Hobgoblin. It's just that. Well, this finale ruined all of that for me. I was hoping for a brutal bare-knuckle brawl between Spider-Woman and the Hobgoblin. Then the later saying something horrible sexist to which the former would then beat the living shit out of him. What I got instead was a game of ride the goblin glider. Jessica giving him her best hit and it still not being enough. Then, out of nowhere, I guess Hopeless tied up a lingering Civil War II plot point. 

But I digress. Given how out-of-character the Hobgoblin was it had to be a dupe (a trait Kingsley is notorious for) The moment was just so out of character, it felt like Hopeless was channeling the "successor" to Kingsley in Phil Urich than actually Kingsley (right down to the flaming sword a weapon Kingsley never really would use), which is strange. I am going with that assumption because history has favored this end!

 

Sadly, this arc will probably not be remembered as most (even though the art is fantastic) as a lesser story involving the Hobgoblin. Heck, I forgot most of it, until I had to reread it for this review. It says already how little it affected me. I mean the only way it did for me is I just have this sudden urge to drink. Drink a lot. So with time to drink. Because I need a drink. A BIG DRINK. To wash away the shit I read this day. Because that's what liquor is for. Washing away all those horrible stories you ready to make you forget about them. 





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About the Author - Zechs


Zechs is the lord and master of The Toy Shed, Moment of the Week, and Durnkin Reveewz. He's also the official whuppin boy at the Outhouse. So he'll get stuck seeing stuff that no mere mortal should ever see. If there's any greater quality to Zechs, it's that he's an avid fan of comic book characters and would defend them to the bitter end against the companies that use them wrongly. He's also brutally honest. Zechs walks the lonely path in Chicagoland area.

 


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