Monday, March 1, 2021 • R.I.P. Edition • Memorial to dead childhoods.

Durnkin Reveewz: Inhumans vs. X-Men #6

Written by Zechs on Friday, March 10 2017 and posted in Features

Durnkin Reveewz: Inhumans vs. X-Men #6

You know, this entire event reminds me of Aspen. It all went downhill!

*the following factual conversation took place on Skype on Wednesday:

Tim Midura: We need you to review to Inhumans vs. X-Men #6

Zechs: I don't want too. I've endured too much already!

Tim Midura: You haven't endured enough! FINISH IT! 

Zechs: But the previous issues I read were awful! Terrible! Boring! Revolting!

Tim Midura: None of these are a no.

Zechs:  It's not a yes either!

Tim Midura: So you'll do #6 then? 


* To those who do not know what they're about to read. Well, here's your warning. The following is just Zechs being Zechs. Grammatical errors are bound to happen you down three bottles of This Ain't Your Dad's Root Beer trying to comprehend the garbage you read. So there. You've been warned. Anything now is on your head for not following the warning.







Eleven issues and what two years to build to this moment? And we the reader lose. Because just like WWE in forcing Roman Reigns' down our throats, Marvel has elected to force the Inhumans down our throats. None of us want it, but we have 0 say in the matter. Then you know, vote with our wallets. Which we have. This event has bombed and here we got another relaunch of both properties. Yet they keep pushing them. And this is the new world both come off from?

I'm out. 

Luckily, co-writer for this comic Jeff Lemire apparently came to that same conclusion and decided to jump from the sinking ship as well. I wanted to try and enjoy these comics given I do love the X-Men. But-- this comic man.  If you were collecting two years worth of comics. To have paid for these very issues to get this kind of pay off?  

I can fully understand the frustration one can have with it. The writers in all comics here play with their continuity so loosely. It just borders on, "How can we end this event the way we want it?"  Power sets are thrown out the window. Characters do beyond out of character things. The biggest losers in this event are Beast and Emma Frost. Both just get the bad end of the stick here just so the Inhumans don't look bad. Even though, basically as one issue concluded THEY ARE THE BAD GUYS IN THIS SITUATION. 

I literally had to put the comic down four times in the matter of ten pages. When it came to said page and got to Psylocke vs. Medusa who the former threatens with a sword and then is jobbed to them. I just had to pause. Get an alcoholic drink (my third at this time period). Stare at the page blankly wondering, "Does Marvel hate the readers now? How did they fuck this up so badly?"

Then I got to another page. When Medusa learns that the cloud is killing mutants. Again long pause and another drink. At that time I just had to go to a friend's house. Because watching a60s Toho kaiju films make a 100% more sense than the entire conflict between Inhumans vs. X-Men is boiled down too: not a single mutant told the Inhumans about the mist killing them. Even when the Inhumans watched Alchemy die when he killed one cloud. Not when they without hesitation for that act "killed" Cyclops. 

But I digress. Horrific writing with both these teams has been a common flaw in Marvel Comics nowadays. Why should that change now? So I decided right after returning from the little kaiju fest in returning to this abomination of a comic to just start counting the plot holes. I had to make this entertaining if I was to survive and find finish this bloody comic. 

After just five pages I was already in the late teens. Then I began wondering, Huh this is turning more into an Inhuman focus. Oh-- oh! Right. Gotta make them Inhumans look strong in the event that basically they really are the villains and plot holes are the only way to make them heroic. 

That and tossing Beast and Emma Frost to the curb. With the later, that's close to twenty years of character progression thrown out the window. Not the first time Marvel did something so stupid, and even if it was so predictable. To actually see them go through with it till the very end. 

Then more plot holes as Emma's evil plan is revealed and even the character herself begins to question the plot holes as well. Again, I had to excuse myself. I began to realize that no liquor could quell my brain from thinking of the illogical pace this comic had become. That every page was greeted with either plot hole or just an irregular thing.  

The revelation smacked me across my head that artists themselves reached the same point of, "DA FUCK AM I READING?" Because the art began to get more half-assed like the comic. I mean just look at those faces.


Oh, wait. WHAT FACES?! Not just that. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH X-23 ON THAT PAGE?! Obviously, the artists at this point checked out as well. Then it ended. 

And I guess the new status quo begins... for the Inhumans. OF COURSE, it ends with the freaking Inhumans! We get a brief mention of the X-Men and the new ordained Mag-CycFrost.. fuck it she's Judge Frost. She literally looks like a Judge from Mega City One from the 2000 A.D. Comics

You know what? I've been thinking more entertaining things in my head. Like to see if I put a power drill into the side of one ear and the other. Then see if they can meet in the middle. It does seem more fun than reading this comic. I mean the other issues just felt like a breeze.

Reading this comic became an odyssey. I was ordered to read this comic (for free) and here I am Friday having freshly finally finished it. I just-- wait. Is Medusa keeping around that chunk she broke off Emma while she and Black Blot are making googly eyes to one another? DA FUCK?!! 

I had hope for reading more Marvel Comics and the revamped X-Men comics after this. Now? Fuck it. I'm out. NO MORE! NO MORE! I want off this ride! I want off it! I'm gonna binge read on some Chris Claremont's X-Men run to purify myself. Cause goddamn this comic. This comic is a joke. The direction of Marvel is a joke. I feel sorry for anyone who bought this comic. You were robbed of money you could have bought in buying better things. I read this for free and I feel robbed! I feel like I should have bought stronger liquor with the money I had prior to reading this awful comic. And this comic is putrid. But thankfully it's over. The ride is over. No more X-Men comics. From here on out. I wash my hands clean from this event. CLEAN! 

**EDITOR'S NOTE aka Tim: We're going to make you read the next wave of X-Men comics. You keep saying you read them for free. So you have no excuses and reasons to stop reading them then. 

*** Zechs' Note to Tim: happyplacehappyplace


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