Sunday, June 24, 2018 • Afternoon Edition • "Yellow journalism at its finest."

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Review

Written by Zechs on Saturday, May 27 2017 and posted in Features

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Review

Better than the last one, and basically a "safe" entry in the franchise.So joy?

Late May for movies this year feels like a coin toss. I don't really have the urge THAT I MUST see them like I did earlier in the month with Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. Oh sure, I did see King Arthur: Legend of the Sword opening weekend, but that was me being a good friend and morbid curiosity. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales left me at an impasse. The previous movie in the franchise Pirates of the Caribbean: Stranger Tides, left me cold. The only real rewatch value was just seeing Ian McShane and Geoffery Rush chew the scenery, then skip the hell out of the various subplots the movie had. But I digress, seeing the teaser trailer for this film with Javier Bardem's character, Captain Salazar.



I could just feel him just chew that lovely scenery in those seconds, loved the design, and I wanted more. But-- memories of past Pirates' films were in my memory. The prior one lingered like a bad memory. I'll be honest, I do enjoy the other two sequels. Just that it helps when you have a skip button to get past the unnecessary stuff and just get to the nitty gritty which are amazing scenes and select few batch of characters (Rush's Barbosa, Bill Nighy's Davy Jones and James Davenport's Norrington were characters that just kept me hooked whenever any were on screen).  Oh sure, Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow also was a delight, but he was the jokester. The trickster. It was the other's character arcs that got me glued into these films.

With that in mind, I went to see this film and-- it's basically a "safe" movie. It doesn't reinvent the wheel (and if I do, I'll just pop on Master & Commander), it just dresses up the wheel that we've seen before.  It does have elements that pop up that you begin to wonder why they're there, but they don't wear out their welcome as the prior two sequels did. 

In fact, I think that's the idea as just when one character goes on long ass monologue, I was beginning to wonder, "This movie had ghost pirates in this right?" *cue ghost pirates* Or how another scene was just going on and on, and thankfully it ends with random freaking violence with that delightful smile of Rush's Barbosa that can't help but make you smile. 

The movie hits the same beats as the original did. Just that it gets the ball goings with the crux of why one character's journey is the glue behind this entire film. I mean yeah it's basically another child doing what their father couldn't. But hey, it works? 

Then there are the ghost pirates who are basically just that like the teaser showed. They just want revenge and kill as many souls they can get their paws on no matter the cost. It makes their end criminally easy. But hey, it gives two hours of Javier Bardem to chew on that scenery. My only wish was we just have him just tell the tale, and the unnecessary flashback of how his destiny was changed by Jack wasn't needed. But I digress, it gave Bardem to literally chew it up as a human before he's a ghost pirate. Plus the look he gives the young Jack is just priceless.

The two leads in this Brenton Thwaites and Kaya Scodelario are better editions even if we've seen this tale of their characters before with Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley's characters in the first three films. But hey maybe it's because the prior film's romantic subplot made me want to claw my eyes out. These two are there and provide some amusement being the foils even if we've seen these characters in another skin.

Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow is basically the same. He's fun. He keeps you entertained throughout the moments he's on screen. Just that there's never a real character arc or progression with him. He's basically the same character we've met since the original film. Rush's Barbossa has gotten more character progression and again gets a decent arc in this one. Even if it is again, a by the numbers one. 

Also unlike the previous two films which gave us really yawn inducing scenes this at the very least gets us entertained with scenes here and there. I love that they went with this ghost idea to the extreme giving us Ghost Sea Gulls, Sharks, and something that's out of a freaking Ray Harryhausen movie. All of these things along with the ghost pirates just trigger my love for out there stuff. 

Then there's the climax, which really ties up the franchise in a nice tidy bow. Like literally it ties everything up and just when you think it's over. Bam! We get clocked over the head with an end credit sequence teases more one more sequel. I digress though even if it's forced, the sequel baiting in this won me over just because it includes a character who I do so enjoy, and no doubt others too. So fuck it. Bring it on. 

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales tells a tale we're quite familiar with. The thing is if you're looking for a movie over two hours to just enjoy and turn off the mind. This movie can provide that. It's fluff that's literally the people behind this just going with the "safe" bet. It isn't agonizing as the previous sequel entries where you won't start falling asleep. It keeps you entertained. The problem is you'll be disappointed if you're expecting something totally new. But if your expectations were lower by the previous entry. This will improve them. But just don't expect much. I'll probably forget this film my week's end. The best thing I can say about this film is it left me entertained.  Better than making me want to claw my eyes out and question for my choices in life. Like me wondering why I'm actually seeing Transformers: The Last Knight opening night? 

3 out of 5


Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

About the Author - Zechs

Zechs is the lord and master of The Toy Shed, Moment of the Week, and Durnkin Reveewz. He's also the official whuppin boy at the Outhouse. So he'll get stuck seeing stuff that no mere mortal should ever see. If there's any greater quality to Zechs, it's that he's an avid fan of comic book characters and would defend them to the bitter end against the companies that use them wrongly. He's also brutally honest. Zechs walks the lonely path in Chicagoland area.


More articles from Zechs
The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!