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Durnkin Reveewz: Secret Empire #3

Written by Zechs on Saturday, June 03 2017 and posted in Features

Durnkin Reveewz: Secret Empire #3

Huh, even Nova in this cover wants out of this comic.

* To those who do not know what they're about to read. Well, here's your warning. The following is just Zechs being Zechs. Grammatical errors are bound to happen you down three bottles of This Ain't Your Dad's Root Beer or several soft drinks mixed with Captain Morgan trying to comprehend the garbage you read.

Further, these reviews began on the forums. Those looking for a numerical system as per my other reviews best look else. Some folk above me love me blurting out raw brutally honest shit, and rather have that be on the front page.So there. You've been warned. Anything now is on your head for not following the warning.



Due to special request! Yep, someone out there requested me to give a look at this comic. What can I say? I'm a hopeful masochist. So the first thing that hits me when reading the issue isn't really the "twist" that continues off where #2 left off. It's more when we cut away to Guardians of the Galaxy meeting I'm guessing some leaders of various Alien Races, but the Editor must have checked out because we have Lilandra of the Shi'ar Empire (who last I remember stopped being in a comic over the slight case of being dead), a Brood (who usually is more kind of aggressive if my past X-Men comic reading has taught me), and well mystery shadow man (who I guess is Hydra) because SURPRISE (?!) Hydra has allied with these aliens (cause the plot demanded it?). I still can't help but wonder, "Okay, so if this is bigger than an Annihilation Wave as the writer has been hammering into our minds. Why would these various races be okay with that then?" Then I just realized, "Oh yeah. It's because the plot won't let them yet." 

Likewise, isn't Starbrand right there on that splash page? Didn't he take out a Beyonder? Yep. He did. Yet somehow we're neglecting that because everyone just waiting for Quasar to wake up (which will probably happen #6 if I'm being kind here). But my mind just screams, "STOP THINKING AND JUST FLIP TO THE NEXT PAGE!" 

And I do. Finding probably the lone great moment of the entire comic. Hey, it's Boomerang from the Superior Foes of Spider-Man! Hey, he's doing swell in this Hydra controlled world. Of course, something bad will happen to him at the end of this. Cause this is Boomerang and writer Nick Spencer is playing our strings to remember that other better series he wrote. Why did I read this instead? Oh right, the request. The request. 

And sure enough. The predictability happens at the end with another shock reveal and honestly all that feels this issue accomplishes is trying to shock us and beat the heroes more into the corner. 

If anything, the only real twist that has me interested is actually nothing Hydra-related or superhero-related at all. It's Ultron-related. Yes, someone Hank Pym-atron is even crazier than before and has his own robot Jarvis. It's so out of nowhere it just make's me want to see him just throw a good monkey wrench into this all and remember the better story that was told with that character in Uncanny Avengers arc from last year.  

It's a better ending than the shock-value one we get at the end, which just screams, "THIS WILL GET READERS TO TALK!" And it probably will, in the not so good sense. But then what hasn't this event comic gotten anything good. We're four issues in (and how many tie-ins currently?) and still no real line of sight of progression save the "twist" that we're basically having a Reign of the Captain Americas here. We have "edgy" Captain Hydra, minority Captain America, the real Captain America, and even a Cyborg. If only the Patriot (whatever happened to him? He's like the only Young Avenger to not appear anymore?) was in this comic somehow and the cycle would be complete.   But I'm wandering off-track like this comic.

Something just feels completely off and then that wall hits me again. I just don't care. Which is hilarious, cause last year at this time. I cared. I did. I was giddy even. Avengers Standoff happened and it was quite the enjoyable balance. I mean I should be interested. It's got Captain America, Baron Zemo, Taskmaster, and Doc Ock altogether. Yet I find myself instead just re-reading older comics involving most of them save Taskmaster. Cause surprisingly I just discovered this week Deadpool vs. Punisher had the character in the series and it's been a rather better showing there than here so far.

I'm already drained by this damn event and it's only the fourth issue and we've still got seven more to go. Like a marathon you think is a good idea at first, but you realize the choice of movies, and your body hits that wall and, "NOPE! I'm checking out." That's where I'm at with this series already. Just bored and I want to check out. I don't feel angry anymore at the twists. Or even nitpick it to death. The only thought is, "how it gets to this?"  It's now even reached that level where it's harder to even keep yourself amused at it. Like it's not at the Venom levels where it's so bad you just can't help but read where this atrocity is going to go next (thankfully I skipped #150 of that and feel better for it). Here the fatigue has clearly set into me.

Seven bloody issues left, a bunch of tie-ins to expand the various subplots, and nowhere near an ending in sight.  This event feels more lag-filled than a Bendis comic, but Bendis is the only smart one who's ignoring it all. How did he become the smart one in all of this to not have anything he writes crossover into this? It just feels so weird given how much build-up he put into Civil War II for this and here we are him barely even acknowledging this comic (I think Alias is the only comic that might be addressing this event. Is it?).

But I digress and maybe it's the booze talking. Maybe this will read better eventually in trade? HA!  Oh dear. That trade is gonna be freaking expensive. Wait why am I even thinking about the trade already? The damn series isn't over. 

Why can't it be over already? Can Marvel just mulligan and skip to the ending? Please?  

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