Thursday, June 4, 2020 • R.I.P. Edition • But first you're gonna blow me!

The Emoji Movie Review

Written by Zechs on Sunday, July 30 2017 and posted in Features

The Emoji Movie Review

A forgettable mess of a movie that plays it way too safe,


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This wasn't how I expected this review to go. I figured right after seeing the Emoji Movie (as voted by Patreons above. That's right you can vote on what movies I see. God help me when October arrives) I'd just write a review and just let the hate flow like other reviewers. Then the site blew up for reasons beyond my control, I couldn't post the raw review that I had hoped. Instead, here I am two days after seeing it. Now I'm just left with nothingness and the fact that I had two days now to think about the abomination I had watched on Friday. 

To be fair though, UNLIKE ANOTHER FILM I saw in June, the Emoji Movie does actually have a plot. It may not stick to that plot by introducing subplot after predictable subplot. That's the great problem of the Emoji Movie. We've seen these plots done before. Wreck It, Ralph. Inside Out. The Lego Movie. Each did their own take on rebel trying to distance himself from the rules of the norm. Each then did their own twist as well. This movie? No, it believes in being safe. Way too safe. By doing so becomes predictable. VERY predictable. So much it just becomes so that forgettable. 

Hell, by now I've almost forgotten this film. It feels like it's been months since I've seen it yet it's been just two days. Really, the only things that caused any real reaction of screaming loudly in agony was basically a quote from the movie saying how  "Emojis are the greatest thing ever made from this era." And the amount of product placement. I get it. But, did we really need extended scenes for each product placement in this movie to run out the run time?   

The greater irony is the movie made me flip out and turn my phone on and be more entertained by that, than any passable thing that tried to be a joke in this film attempted. So I guess mission accomplished in that regard of the movie making you just want to text or sending the wrong kind of message.

But the worst kind of message I got, was the opening Hotel Transylvania short directed by surprisingly Genndy Tarkovsky. By doing so reminded me: A.) there was a better-suited film that Mr. Tarkovsky was doing that Sony axed. B.) This short reminded me of a better film. C.)  I know this movie isn't at fully fault at that, but rather Sony themselves for this unusual subliminal advertising. But by putting this short at the beginning it almost sabotages any expectations I had going into this movie by default by making you remember things that are much better than this movie. Things that should have been approved by Sony and not this. 

Is the Emoji Movie a blight of cinema fare? Well, it's no Food Fight, Delgo, or that other movie I mentioned at the beginning of this all. Instead, this movie is just rather forgettable. It isn't fun, or amusing. It's just something that will elicit a reaction before you get over it and realize how wasteful the entire endeavor was. What resources could have been put to other animated films than this one.  In the end, the Emoji Movie feels exactly what it is: a rushed forgettable mess that when people will eventually look at it every year gone by seeing how more dated it becomes. Then again, maybe that'll be the eventual charm that will come to this. Bad movie parties to laugh at the now dated terms and wonder what the people behind this film were thinking? For that will probably be the true legacy of this film. That or it's basically like a bender of mine. There will be pain. There will be suffering. But at the end of it all, I'd forgotten it all, much like this film. 

1/2 out of 5

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