Thursday, September 21, 2017 • Afternoon Edition • "Cyclops was right."

Legends Are True, Marvel Counter Discovered!

Written by Logan on Monday, August 28 2017 and posted in Features

Legends Are True, Marvel Counter Discovered!

It has been -1,436 days since Marvel Comics did something stupid!


Source: Outhouse HQ

Longtime readers of The Outhouse know full well that the website has absolutely no professional biases whatsoever. Therefore it was quite a surprise when they unveiled the totally unbiased DC Counter announcing the number of days it has been since DC Comics Did Something Stupid. At first, it didn't seem to be working. The number didn't go up from zero no matter how many overpriced, unwanted gimmick covers the company produced. Soon, though, the numbers started to climb. Then they dropped again, and we knew everything was right with the world.

"What about Marvel?" the masses cried. "They do stupid things, too!" Of course they do, and we never meant to imply otherwise. The Outhouse needed a Marvel Counter, so they gave the assignment to the only man they could safely slough it off onto, Jude. The Webmaster Supreme® promised to have it by the next morning, and that was the last time it was mentioned. Civil War 2 came and went, no Marvel Counter. Captain America became a Nazi, still no Marvel Counter. Even Jude went, but still no Marvel Counter.

Until today.

As ace reporter Zechs began sifting through Jude's old office (seeking a hiding place for his whiskey), he found it. There, buried under the empty Chocodile wrappers and discarded cans of Ecto Cooler, he saw it: The legendary Marvel Counter! It was old, fat, and had turkey grease smeared on it the dials, but there it was.

Naturally, Zechs plugged it in immediately. The counter began to spin out of control until the front virtually exploded and the innards spewed forth in what can best be described as mechanical barf. Zechs shoved it all inside the moldy mini-fridge, guzzling whiskey and cursing Jude Terror's name. 

We have tried to get Jude to come fix it, but he wants actual money now.

And that, dear readers, is why The Outhouse does not have a working Marvel Counter, no matter how well deserved.





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