Saturday, December 16, 2017 • Evening Edition • "Hope you survive the experience!"

Durnkin Reveewz: Secret Empire #10

Written by Zechs on Friday, September 01 2017 and posted in Features

Durnkin Reveewz: Secret Empire #10

So concludes the latest Marvel event. Not with a bang, but a whimper and a thankful sigh of mediocracy.



* To those who do not know what they're about to read. Well, here's your warning. The following is just Zechs being Zechs. Grammatical errors are bound to happen you down three bottles of This Ain't Your Dad's Root Beer or several soft drinks mixed with Captain Morgan trying to comprehend the garbage you read.

Further, these reviews began on the forums. Those looking for a numerical system as per my other reviews best look else. Some folk above me love me blurting out raw brutally honest shit, and rather have that be on the front page.So there. You've been warned. Anything now is on your head for not following the warning. 

If you so wish and recommend me some horrific comics for September if you join our Patreon. After all, someone's gotta pay for my drinking tab.

 

 

It's over.

It's FINALLY OVER!

That would be the words one would be saying after reading this event, but not me. Why? Because it ain't over! We still have the Omega issue left (fuck we are truly back in 90s era Marvel. We've had clones, horrible Avenger stories. All that's left is Maximum Carnage 2: Maximum Fatigue)! So, last time I read this event feels like ages ago (it was #3). I feel like I missed barely anything at all since the last time I've read this comic.

To be fair, I did some grazing at a few x-overs here and there the last week prior to this issue (because I knew Tim would be saying to me, "Zechs. Secret Empire #10. Surprisingly, the best one out of them was Deadpool. It was chilling, gut-wrenching, and horrific. Mighty Captain Marvel made me wonder what was the entire point of the new Quasar other than just to be a deus ex machina here? Are they bringing back someone else? Last I checked the last person to wear those bracelets not named Wendell is dead too (ironically having a brief career also as Quasar). They barely even gave her a character and now apparently she's gone.  Damn. Hydra Cap got sweet revenge on Sally Floyd (though ironically her words had to be updated because lol that's how badly dated her quote was then to now). Namor made Bucky prance around in the most revealing of Atlantis pants (like literally why was there an open area near his junk? I want to know answers to these questions).

I didn't read any of the mainline stuff and going in. It just feels like I missed nothing at all, but of course, somebody returned and some characters died. Per the Comic Event protocols. That's what I'm guessing and that's what it's looking like per this issue if the pool sequence is all true (Hydra Cap killed Black Widow? HA! That's not gonna last long.) Most of the lower tier villains got defeated the last issue cause I'm so not seeing the evil Avengers, nor Baron Zemo. So it's just a slobber knocker of the heroes vs. Hydra Cap?

Nah, it ends as quickly as one would expect. Just that this comic to have not one but two homages to prior big Marvel "events" is just nuts. It's almost like Marvel truly is on autopilot at this point and just doesn't care creatively. Like literally we have panels that remind us of Civil War and Infinity Gauntlet. As if those events need reminding. Build your own path dammit! Don't ape off something prior. You're just gonna make people like me bitch more cause of it! 

But I fully digress. Seeing Captain America beat the ever living shit out of Hydra Cap? Precious. Just that, well it still sucks that-- fuck it. I'm not even going down that cluster fuck of a twist way back during #0. I don't think my remaining brain cells valley their life than ponder such trivial thoughts. 

Funny thing is, Cosmic Cube shenanigans undid most of this event at the end (good Cap is back. Evil Hydra Cap is just a vessel probably for the Red Skull to take over. Yeah I'm calling it. No way are they leaving this EVIL Steve around and just go away). Yet they couldn't fix it fully and yet the heroes are still all happy at the end? Stop this glass half-full shit. The next writer for an event is going to ignore this or hand wave this. Hell, I think Scarlet Spider is about to handwave all of this next month (since the comic has the protagonists based in said city that got nuked). 

Also, the end defeat was waaaay too easy. Like literally Hydra Cap took the massive dose of stupid pills. Maybe that's the way to enjoy this event. Have what he was having. 

That truly seems the best solution to this all. Cause why this even ties into the Legacy one-shots and suddenly everyone is smiling at the end of this (also where's Riri and Jean for her little fun journey. How the hell have they not put on that page when everyone else who's involved in Legacy was)?

Still, after downing three issues of Secret Empire to have a half opinion of it. I dunno. The problem was how long it agonizingly took. Is it worse than Civil War II? Honestly, I'm gonna say no because how "safe" this final issue was. Plus at the very least it tries to end freaking on hope. Sure the hope is fucked up, but it's hope nonetheless. I'll take it over than just a lead-in to another fucking event.

Now if only Marvel can undo Emma Frost being a supervillain, return the Fantastic Four, figure out how to graciously deal with all these legacies, this 90s fetish has to stop (save Spider-Girl and Exiles. Mayday Parker needs a comeback. We're almost near the character's twenty year anniversary) stop having the Hobgoblin show up in Bendis comics, less Bendis-written comics, bring researchers on how the fuck Gwenpool is so damn good, use the creative team on Nova more, and fix the clusterfuck they put themselves in. But I dunno the hole they've dug seems pretty deep. Maybe if they keep digging they'll dig their way out? 

Nah...

 

 





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About the Author - Zechs


Zechs is the lord and master of The Toy Shed, Moment of the Week, and Durnkin Reveewz. He's also the official whuppin boy at the Outhouse. So he'll get stuck seeing stuff that no mere mortal should ever see. If there's any greater quality to Zechs, it's that he's an avid fan of comic book characters and would defend them to the bitter end against the companies that use them wrongly. He's also brutally honest. Zechs walks the lonely path in Chicagoland area.

 


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