Friday, December 15, 2017 • Evening Edition • "Where keepin' it real goes wrong."

Kingsman: The Golden Circle Review

Written by Zechs on Saturday, September 23 2017 and posted in Features

Kingsman: The Golden Circle Review

A bloated by the numbers disappointment that barely has the same charm as the original did and a waste of time for everyone involved.



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I had high hopes for Kingsman: The Golden Circle. When the original film was so funny and original which was basically a love letter to the good Roger Moore James Bond films. What you get here instead is basically A View to a Kill (Moore's final Bond movie), which was insanely long, bloated, and all the characters you wanted to survive kind of don't throughout the movie. Those characters that do kind of wear out their welcome. But even with that film, you get a freaking memorable climax and main antagonist. Here? Not so much. Everything else though? Yeah, basically it's what you get.

Basically, this movie is all the faults and fears I had when figuring the original would cross. In fact, amazingly EVERY single plot thread I'd figure the original would have, shows up here instead. Characters you liked in the original? Whelp! They're so gonna die. Which makes the whole point of them surviving the original pointless. The whole point/message of the original? Thrown out the window. Characters that wear out their welcome? We've got that here! Waste of good actors? Again. We've got that here in spades. 

I will admit, while this is utterly disappointing it still isn't beyond awful. Say, Transformers: The Last Knight or King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (oh dear God. I just remembered I actually saw that in theaters. Fucking fuck fuck hell This movie made me remember an even worse one! ARGH). It's basically, the typical Hollywood movie sequel that's so disappointing, that it ruins the original so much you kind of just don't want to watch it any longer (Highlander 2: The Quickening, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Speed 2: Cruise Control, Thor: The Dark World, Men in Black II, The Matrix Reloaded, and ironically Kick-Ass 2 are easy examples of this. You liked or loved the original. These movies spoil it so much you can't see them anymore because of it). 

Basically, director Matthew Vaughn fell into the trap he's been avoiding for a long time. He made a bad sequel that taints the original movie he made, and now you just ain't gonna watch it. I'm gonna have to hold back in watching the original for a good long while to forget this sequel. I probably won't be the only one in this regard to do this.

Which is a damn shame because there are bits of good in this film. The problem is everything else surrounding it. There are a few good action sequences here and there. But-- when you remember this is supposed to up the ante. Well, the movie just doesn't match that Church brawl. And that's when the movie drags you back down into how disappointing it is. And again, the main crux of the movie? Kind of a letdown compared to what the original gave us. There's the grand irony: a far-fetched plot indeed.

That's how disappointing the movie is. It's just so by the numbers, it's sad. Instead of leaving the theater happy like the original, I felt just sad and disheartening that this was just a bad movie sequel. Everything the trailers hyped you for? Yeah, um that's basically all you get with Jeff Bridges, Halle Berry, and Channing Tatum's characters. Like literally, the Statesmen are so not like the Kingsmen. Even though I do confess, it brings about the only bright spot of the movie by giving us, Pedro Pascal. The other bright spot is Taron Egerton is still the lead, but the movie feels more like a swan song for the character. But even then, this all feels like nothing compared again what the original gave us. Like the character falls into the same traps in the original, and really didn't learn a damn thing.

Kingsman: The Golden Circle is basically the typical Hollywood sequel trap film. You go into remembering the joys of the original, and come out utterly crushed by the new movie at the end. There are a few glimmers of joy and a few performances in the film. But, it's just easier to avoid it, and think this film doesn't exist. Because if you do see it. Mark my words. It'll ruin your love for the original, and given how good the original was. It's sad that this film just shatters all the goodwill that original movie had. The movie makes a lot of wrong choices. Mine was seeing this film. Don't be me. Don't be this:

youafterseeingkingsmanthegoldencircle

 Cause that's gonna be you after seeing this film. Okay?! You don't want that do you?! YOUR WELCOME. Now if you'll excuse me. I am hopeful there's some remaining booze. A big glass of booze. Cause we're almost into October. You know what that means, 13 Slays of Halloween (which you can request a movie here or tweet me a request. Or heck go to the Patreon). Not like I have anything else to see in October. BECAUSE I DON'T! Save maybe Blade Runner 2049. Oh, God... Now I'm freaking worried in seeing that film. Thanks a fucking lot Kingsman: The Golden Circle!! Fucking predictable Hollywood sequels making me worried about other Hollywood sequels of not delivering. 

1 out of 5





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About the Author - Zechs


Zechs is the lord and master of The Toy Shed, Moment of the Week, and Durnkin Reveewz. He's also the official whuppin boy at the Outhouse. So he'll get stuck seeing stuff that no mere mortal should ever see. If there's any greater quality to Zechs, it's that he's an avid fan of comic book characters and would defend them to the bitter end against the companies that use them wrongly. He's also brutally honest. Zechs walks the lonely path in Chicagoland area.

 


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