*To those who do not know what they're about to read. Well, here's your warning. The following is just Zechs being Zechs. Grammatical errors are bound to happen you down three bottles of This Ain't Your Dad's Root Beer or several soft drinks mixed with Captain Morgan trying to comprehend the garbage you read.
Further, these reviews began on the forums. Those looking for a numerical system as per my other reviews best look else. Some folk above me love me blurting out raw brutally honest shit, and rather have that be on the front page. So there. You've been warned. Anything now is on your head for not following the warning.
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So after the positive DC Comic, let's have some HORRIBLE SUFFERING PAIN with this one. How foolish was I to believe DC could contain writer Brian Michael Bendis's great flaws? All of them are on full display in this issue which basically, well-- there is zero advance of the plot.
Superman saves the day and we're treated to the return of-- dammit I already forgot his name. Rog Tarkington? Pon Farr? Brett Farve? Rold Gwar? Oh wait, now I remember it-- *ahem*
You gotta scream it aloud to fully get the edge in the pronunciation.
Yeah... a name that sounds so edgy and will be forgotten the moment Bendis concludes this forsaken run. Like um-- okay just about every Superman villain who isn't Manchester Black or Livewire in the 2000s. As in typical Bendis fashion, we're treated to of course a retcon to better serve how amazingly badass Porgal Tar is.
Then we're treating to even more amazing feats of villain where-- dammit I forgot his name again. Fugol Darr. Raz Logor. Butch Speedchunk. No wait--
Which leads us to the crux of the issue a fight between Pex and-- Nuclear Man. Yes, this fellow:
I... always wanted to see Nuclear Man in an actual Superman comic, but--- somehow he's now a Phantom Zone prisoner who somehow is now Kryptonian secret of the House of El? Cause that's literally the symbol of who's cape he's wearing. Oh god... he's going to never explain this, won't he?
No, wait-- my continuity sense is tingling more as I read this fight. Like I thought you couldn't even hurt someone in the Phantom Zone? Plus aren't they more like ghosts who can only watch and you can't really do anything in there? Also you're using the Richard Donner version on the cover, but this is clearly not the one we're Or it's the worse possible place to put people in? Kind of the reason why Mon-El was put in there until a cure for his lead poisoning could be cured. Or Chris Kent. Or-- Nevermind, I'm overthinking again, when I shouldn't with a comic by Bendis. He's bending the rules to fit his story and fuck whatever came before it. Like literally he's ignoring already the stuff Dan Jurgens wrote about the Zone just last year. LAST YEAR. Heck, he even brought it up a few months ago.
Ugh... anyway after Tol Var we get another showing of wait why is Wally West the Flash in this comic and in Barry's Pre-New 52 costume? I'm starting to have questions again. No.. no. No more questions. Just... accept that Bendis gives no fucks. Wait why should I give a fuck about this comic then if he doesn't give a fuck about what came before? I mean the next worst thing he could do is pull a Kevin Smith and say Batman had a-- oh wait he did in this issue. He actually goes there this issue. .....
When is this ride gonna end? I want off it. I WANT OFF IT!! ZECHS WANTS OFF!!
This comic is making me yearn for the days of when Chuck Austen wrote it. CHUCK AUSTEN! Yes, I long for a sentient Doomsday then deal with this dreck. *shudders* The only positive I can say about this issue is-- wow Ivan Reis draws some pretty stuff. It's kind of sad he has to deal with such a shitty script. Otherwise, can the ride end? I want Pete Tomasi back. Can we get him and Dan back? Pretty please DC? What the hell did Superman fans do to deserve this? It feels so damn twisting of a knife after reading their runs to be given this one. You almost wish one of them would just openly mock this-- oh wait Tomasi is doing that in Super-Sons max-series. Nevermind.
Well, if Superman survived Austen. It'll survive Bendis. But-- damn is this really cringy to read. Like literally the worst aspects Bendis brought to his Marvel comics rear their head here. Splash pages. Retcons because HA! Bendis doesn't read anything prior or give answers till any reader who reads the entire run brain cells are completely dead. Because LOOK AT HOW AMAZING HIS VILLAIN IS IN THIS! LOOK AT TONG BARR!
Goddammit, why is this guy's name so damn forgettable?! If only the just keep hitting us over the head with his name, it wouldn't be this problematic at all!!