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Durnkin Reveewz: Heroes in Crisis #1

Written by Zechs on Thursday, September 27 2018 and posted in Features

Durnkin Reveewz: Heroes in Crisis #1

Just what we really needed from DC: ANOTHER CRISIS! I feel more and more that Final Crisis lied to me not being the final crisis!




*To those who do not know what they're about to read. Well, here's your warning. The following is just Zechs being Zechs. Grammatical errors are bound to happen you down three bottles of This Ain't Your Dad's Root Beer or several soft drinks mixed with Captain Morgan trying to comprehend the garbage you read.

Further, these reviews began on the forums. Those looking for a numerical system as per my other reviews best look else. Some folk above me love me blurting out raw brutally honest shit, and rather have that be on the front page. So there. You've been warned. Anything now is on your head for not following the warning. 

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** This review contains major spoilers to Heroes in Crisis #1


So the event many have been dreading is finally here (including myself): Heroes in Crisis #1. Now the idea itself I find very fascinating. A place where heroes go to sort out all the mental fatigue of being a hero. That sort of thing is appealing since well, it can break some new grounds. We get little sprinkles of that in this issue. But-- I find the end result ultimately nauseating and just boring. 

I just don't care at all. The deaths aren't shocking at all. How can I care for a trauma center that we've barely even seen in action (oh we've seen it talked about all over the place in the last year. But in action? Not even a lead-in or filler prior. Show the damn stakes before thrusting us in)? A positive story before the fall so to speak? Something to you know make us care for what goes on in this story more?

Instead, we're thrown into the middle of the story. Literally, we start of where it all went wrong. Oh, sure we don't know the "who" or the "why" just that Sanctuary didn't pan out for one soul and they took it out on everyone else. Oh, sure we got the suspects and the investigators. But the story feels so goddamn basic in that regard.  But I bet you ten dollars that neither suspect is the actual killer and that the real killer will be such a twist that it'll twist so hard that it'll then be revealed that somehow Bane is also behind this crazy story too. 

After so many damned events from the Big Two death in any event comic has just left me exhausted. I will confess the death of Wally West did get a rise out of me. The rise being that it just makes me shake my head and wonder, "WHAT THE GODDAMN HELL WAS WORTH PUTTING THE TIME AND EFFORT IN THE LAST TWO YEARS OF RETURNING THE CHARACTER TO DO THIS TO HIM?!" The message of Rebirth just feels shat upon. Hope? Fuck that. Oh, sure this is #1 and well if spoilers are believed to be, even if twists come our way. Freaking Green Lantern: Emerald Twilight makes more freaking sense than the shit that'll be pulled if it goes that way.

The other deaths in the comic just feel meaningless fodder. I hate especially deaths like these because somewhere out there are fans of these characters. Or once did. Now they are nothing but meat to throw into this grinder of cheap drama to show how high the stakes are for the surviving heroes. Oh, sure they try to make us care, but seriously more dead Titans DC? You know what will we want more than that? A GOOD FREAKING EVENT STORY THAT HAS AN ACTUALLY GOOD LEAD-IN!  

Oh, sure there was "a lead-in." The fact that anyone in their right mind in the last few months knew that Roy  Harper was gonna bite it in this event. The only way DC could have made this even more clearer was if they had Roy told Jason Todd or one of his fellow Titans that he was two days from retirement, going to retire with Cheshire, the two would settle down on some yacht called "the Lian", and that luck was just falling his way. And I say again, WHAT THE HELL KIND OF LEAD-IN IS THAT?! To comfort any fan of that character of the blow to come? The character was a walking RED SHIRT! At least show the character some damn dignity! But I guess with Rebirth over, dignity and modesty were thrown out that window. Oh, sure there are three leftover breaths of it still running around (and one teased for a new series at that!).

But I digress, the best thing I can say about this comic is the art by Clay Mann. God damn does horrific death and violence look so damn pretty under his pencils. Damn does Booster Gold look amazing in this. Yes, I am fully aware of him being a time traveler. BUT-- this is DC Comics and given that this story has been compared to Identity Crisis doesn't fill me with any sort of hope. Nor do any of the end results. Because we all know the ride that comic went down. Likewise, me wondering just what the heck happened to the shields on Booster's suit that could have prevented stab wounds? 

This comic just feels like a story we've heard from DC so many times before with the story I mentioned already or Cry for Justice (which I admit did make us cry-- for the wrong reasons). This comic just feels like the wrong reason. Where the idea seems sound. It really does. The concept kind sounds so intriguing. Just that-- well... we just never get to see it in motion. We're just thrown in just already go in assuming. 

But then again, given this story likes to throw us flashbacks to sessions maybe it'll do that. I mean we got nine issues now. ..... Oh dear. This event won't end till MAYBE in May. That's the entire fall and Winter not counting any sort of delays (which you know will happen cause this is an event comic and these things happen). When can we get something like Metal again? Least that was fun and the death was all another universe-- for the most part. This-- this is gonna be a ride that'll be remembered for the wrong reasons. I'd like to be wrong-- but I doubt it. I really really doubt it. How the heck is Doomsday Clock churning out to be better and yet it plays the same game this is? The thought just boggles me like keeping a good thing like Rebirth was. Maybe the Return of Wolverine will be better? I mean he's returning. The only death will be against bad guys probably-- and beers. 

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