Wednesday, July 17, 2019 • R.I.P. Edition • Assholes welcome.

Durnkin Reveewz: Heroes in Crisis #4

Written by Zechs on Wednesday, January 02 2019 and posted in Features
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Durnkin Reveewz: Heroes in Crisis #4

This issue feels like it was locked in a time capsule from the early 2000s, and was just published today. SO MUCH CHEESE AND EDGE!!!! I'm almost literally crawling in my skin.



  

*To those who do not know what they're about to read. Well, here's your warning. The following is just Zechs being Zechs. Grammatical errors are bound to happen you down three bottles of This Ain't Your Dad's Root Beer or several soft drinks mixed with Captain Morgan trying to comprehend the garbage you read.

Further, these reviews began on the forums. Those looking for a numerical system as per my other reviews best look else. Some folk above me love me blurting out raw brutally honest shit, and rather have that be on the front page. So there. You've been warned. Anything now is on your head for not following the warning. 

If you so wish and recommend me some horrific comics for October if you join our Patreon. After all, someone's gotta pay for my drinking tab.

 

When I first heard about the spoilers to this issue, I shook off and laughed at it. No way this issue could make the series even worse than it already is. But, nope then a few pages were leaked and slowly my laughter just turned into absolute astonishment. This comic is slowly becoming the hallmark of everything that was, and again sadly is wrong with DC Comics: EDGE. 

What's worse is, the main plot just feels to be trudging along at this point as we're none closer to the killer (or any clues whatsoever save painting Harley or Booster as the killer when we know it's probably not the case for either), nor whoever is leaking the confessions to Lois Lane. Instead, we're given more confessions from heroes who'd logically would have visited there given all the screw-ups DC did with them (Donna Troy, Ted Kord, and Barbara Gordon). Characters are on their quests, but it just feels all filler, nothing really moving the plot forward (save for one).

Really the confessions of these characters save one just don't make any sense other than to poke fun at their history. I mean that's basically the just of it all. Donna's is to make fun out of ALL her origins. Ted? He's a walking paradox to me. Everything he says just about contradicts the DCU at this juncture (so we're gonna throw back in the JLI and just forget that the New 52 happened but it still did?). Really, the only one that makes sense is Barbara Gordon, but even then another flaw rears their head this issue.

Unlike the prior issues the art by Clay Mann, I had nothing bad to say about it. The art is absolutely gorgeous. This issue is gorgeous (when Donna is carrying Aqualad on that damn wall is freaking amazing). But something just feels off in this issue with the art.

The biggest for me is the page of Barbara's confession. I've seen some complaint about the way the character is drawn right down to the gratuitous shot of her ass. That seems the easy out to criticize to point out. For me, it's just how lifeless the page just is period. Not only that, it again goes down to Barbara Gordon's entire character being summed up by the goddamn "Killing Joke". I get that's her trauma, but-- the character is just more than that and just to be summed up by "There" and "and there" made me want to heave.   

Then again, this issue and the series at this point just feels like it was locked in a capsule back in 2005 to be used now. The comic checks all those edgy boxes we had back then.

#1 Dead or mocking the Teen Titans.

#2 Legacy characters shat upon.

#3 Trying to fracture the Trinity with unnecessary drama. 

#4 Watchmen Homages.

#5 Things will NEVAH be the same. NEVAH!!!! NEVAAAH EVER!!! Until they retcon it.

#6 The cheesecake. SO MUCH CHEESECAKE!!!

 

Speaking of that latter one, there should be a subcategory to the physics of asses in mirrors. Why? Because I am still trying to figure out what kind of hall of mirrors Harley Quinn and Batgirl got themselves into. Because that last page given the angles we shouldn't be seeing two additional shots of their rears on opposite ends.  

I know writer Tom King has said that this comic is his baby and that he should take the brunt of this all. But-- when you have those four-story tics rear their head, and these tics have been common is "Shitty Comics of DC Comics Past".  Well, you can't help but again take a look at one of those top men in charge, Dan Didio, and see that DC is STILL playing that same old tune. I mean really the only thing missing in this comic is it to take a dump on Kyle Rayner or Cassandra Cain, and you'd have someone scream, "BINGO!" on their card on story sins DC have done in the past and seem to like to keep telling.

You know this sort of storytelling Rebirth basically stopped? Oh yes, it was "just a run" some will say, but it heralded all the good DC once was. Before the dark times. Before the EDGE prior to it. This comic literally does feel right at home with the likes of infamous DC stories like "War Games", "One Year Later" or ironically the story it seems many among DC want to compare it too: "Identity Crisis". It even feels weirder that it's out edging the edge of Doomsday Clock, which somehow is actually compelling compared to this comic. Perhaps the point of that story is the "edge" is there for a reason. 

Then there's the big turning point-- oh wait. I'm going into actual SPOILER territory here. Let me slap on a spoiler warning for those who don't want to see it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lois Lane basically outing Sanctuary. This action is so going to piss off readers given we're back to a story that happened a few years ago (when Lois Lane outed that Clark Kent = Superman). It didn't work then, and I bet it's not going to work now.  Like seriously, this seems like the only thing this comic does is piss people off (save one). Plus doesn't this kind of have an unforeseen side effect of you know doing some things that will have major ramificactions? 

So basically these videos will be edited right? Cause a lot of superheroes out their identities in these videos. So-- we're just going to throw the whole superhero secret identity out here right? Cause-- unless Lois edits them that's what basically is going to happen here. DC is gonna treat the normal human folk of the DCU like they're the idiot-ridden minds of the normal folk who populate the Marvel Universe?  I guess we shall see where this rollercoaster of a story hits that absolute rock bottom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

END

 

 

I digress this issue finally gave those who aren't fond of this comic their rallying cry: 

fuckthis

And that is the very best positive I can say about this issue. At least now anyone who reads this comic and see's whatever else unfolds can point to these panels above and say that exact same thing. 

Not me though. I'm not jumping off this disaster of a comic. I just want to see if this comic can get to "Countdown" levels of awful. And if this issue proves it we haven't reached the zenith of bad yet with this comic. I just wonder how worse can it get? Like the dumpster fire you just can't help but just watch because that little voice wants to see how bad this will get. And this comic has reached that point. It is bad. At least one can have fun laughing at the EDGE.

 





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