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Durnkin Reveewz: Heroes in Crisis #5

Written by Zechs on Wednesday, January 30 2019 and posted in Features

Durnkin Reveewz: Heroes in Crisis #5

I'm beginning to think this event is drunk and I KNOW drunk.



*To those who do not know what they're about to read. Well, here's your warning. The following is just Zechs being Zechs. Grammatical errors are bound to happen you down three bottles of This Ain't Your Dad's Root Beer or several soft drinks mixed with Captain Morgan trying to comprehend the garbage you read.

Further, these reviews began on the forums. Those looking for a numerical system as per my other reviews best look else. Some folk above me love me blurting out raw brutally honest shit, and rather have that be on the front page. So there. You've been warned. Anything now is on your head for not following the warning. 

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HOORAY!!! The plot moves forward at last! Wait, a second... Oh no. NO! NO! NO! NO! The way this plot is moving forward (and today's Flash Annual #2) goes this is so not the way I want the plot forward! 

So yeah, the plot really um "speeds" up this issue with the two parties (Batgirl/Harley Quinn and Booster Gold/Blue Beetle) trying to figure out who murdered all those folks in Sanctuary. That and the Trinity dealing with the fall-out. Plus more unnecessary hero profiles. 

Let's start with the criticism of that. So, Commander Steel talks of the various deaths that he's how he always comes back. Basically, a parody attempt to mocking the genre itself. Except-- now let's just use Wikipedia here on Commander Steel. Oh, it was a legacy character and something that ran in the family. So we're just gonna Hawkman him and make his origin impossible to figure out here? Not to mention shit on whatever fans the character had? 

But the best one is Protector. The edge is BACK BABY! To basically summarize what someone else said on another board about this issue, "It would be like revealing that Space Cabbie worked for the space mafia this entire time, and he uses his space cab to smuggle space drugs to sell to children." Yeah, that basically sums up a PSA character (created only for that) to talk about drugs basically was doing drugs while fighting the war on drugs. BWHAAAAA!! 

I digress though, this comic really does sum up everything that was and is wrong at DC Comics. This comic is edgy for edge sake. Superman's speech in the issue is harkening so much to Identity Crisis to me and the great flaws that the comic had. Yet, it's "heralded" as a game changer, but I just can't think of it like that. Where it's trying to do something, but utterly fail in that task. Show, but not tell and in there just like Identity Crisis, Heroes in Crisis is failing at that, but just more spectacularly.

You have the same exact beats. A traumatic event that changes a "hero" (Harley though I use the term ever loosely here, but Ralph in the original). The league blundering their way at their biggest suspect (Booster Gold, Doctor Light in the original). Little things in the earlier issues being paid off here. Edge added to make heroes more EDGIER. The trinity tore asunder in its wake.  I mean the only thing missing is a subplot that leads to more EDGE. Oh wait, we're getting exactly that! I'm still trying to figure out what will be the eventual "flamethrower" comparison. I know it'll be there. 

Heroes in Crisis is really a crisis at DC Comics itself. They really want to be Marvel but aren't. They have no ideas what to do with some characters, and the best ideas they have horribly is to kill them off in an event and bring them back. Let's make continuity so bad it'll make Hawkman's origin(s) blush. That or turn them into killers and villains. But, hey Marvel realized that blunder a few times over. I guess a serious dip in sales, continued criticism, and some continued upper management reshuffling will be the answers. Cause this issue? There isn't any to give. 


So the other thing bothering me this issue is the fact that Harley's rose back in #2 literally was still floating this issue. That rose should have sunk like a rock, given the waves in the previous one you'd think it would have? Nope. This thing floated all the way to the edge of where the killer A PERSON OF INTEREST was to pick it up. And to think said killer person of interest was the one to find it. Because-- no wait.. how were they? Well, given time travel is now involved I guess that's to blame for it.  I wonder how many attempts it took for said killer person of interest to nail that rose attempt then? It would explain why they haven't shown up till now? Trying just the right time to cast such a dramatic tone, and pose done right I guess-- FOR THE EDGE!! FOR THE GLORIOUS EDGE!!!

I should have listened to Black Canary. 

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