Written by GCom
My office door is knocked upon, and I sitting at my desk notice. In walks Filthy Assistant Dusty.
â€œThereâ€™s a ‘Winnie’ in the phone for youâ€ he says.
I give him the nod and reach for the phone. Filthy Assistant Dusty scurries off, closing the door.
â€œHi Gary!â€ says the voice I donâ€™t recognize (and certainly not a relative of mine who goes by the name of Winnie). â€œThis is Winnie with Americuh Card Processors! I called you about 4 months ago, asking if you were interested in having one of our representatives stop by your place of business.â€
â€œâ€¦ yes?â€ I replied, dimly recalling this conversation. If I recalled correctly, I said I wasnâ€™t interested in their services.
â€œWell, our guy is in your area again, and we wanted to schedule an appointment with you!â€ said Winnie with sunshine and puppies being pumped through the phone by her voice.
â€œNo thanks.â€ I said, finding my mental footing. â€Iâ€™ve got a good processor now, and Iâ€™ve got a contract.â€
â€œWell Americuh Card Processors is really competitive!â€ Winnie fired back â€œ And weâ€™ll match any rates by any other processor out there.â€
For those who donâ€™t know, card processors are a necessary evil in the retail world. Iâ€™ll make it simple: a person buys things from you with a credit/debit card. A card processor makes the money happen for you then, and for their effort they get a percentage of the transaction, if not a flat fee. That handy-dandy credit card you use? It costs not only you money to use it, it costs the store you used it at money to let you use it.
â€œYouâ€™ll match my current rates?â€ I asked/stated.
â€œYes! We just need a copy of any statement from your current processor, and weâ€™ll match the rates!â€ she gushed at me.
â€œSo, I switch to you, and I get no benefit at all?â€ I asked her.
â€œNo, no! Weâ€™ll < insert multiple promises of better service and fun convenient things here >!â€ she barraged me with, taking up a valuable four minutes of my life.
â€œSo, I switch to you and I get no benefit at all?â€ I stated again.
â€œWinnie, it does me absolutely no good at all money-wise to get the exact same service rates from you as I would from my current provider. What it costs me is interruption time and paperwork. The offer needs to be better than this.â€ I say, knowing whatâ€™s coming.
â€œWell, if you give us a copy of your current statement, we can see what we can do.â€ Winnie trooped on with.
â€œNo. I donâ€™t want you to match my current rates, that does me no good. I want you to beat it. If you canâ€™t give me your lowest rate and it be better than what Iâ€™ve already got, whatâ€™s the point?â€ I laid out.
â€œI see what you mean, but I canâ€™t give you anything like that without knowing what you are getting now. If I can schedule you an appointment with our representative, he can cover these questions.â€ She countered with.
I pressed with â€œDoes he have any more power than you to deal?â€
â€œUmmâ€¦ I donâ€™t think soâ€¦â€ Winnie wavered with.
â€œThen why talk to him at all? What can he do for me that you canâ€™t?â€ I zeroed in on.
â€œWell, nothingâ€¦â€ she surrendered this point with.
â€œThen Iâ€™m sorry, Winnie, but thereâ€™s no point to me even seeing your guy. Iâ€™m sorry, but Iâ€™m going to pass on this.â€ I walled her in with.
â€œOkay, thank you for your time, and hopefully we can deal with each other in the future!â€ she retreated with (the sunshine and puppies were back in her voice now).
I hate phone solicitors.
Posted originally: 2006-10-26 15:35:05
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