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The End is Near: Weekly Signs that the World is Ending

Written by F.F. Ambarger, Outhouse Corrospondent on Friday, January 06 2012 and posted in Features

A new feature to the Outhouse, interpreting this week's news and comics as a sign the world is ending.


Outhouse Corrospondent F.F Ambarger combs through this week's news and comics to point out signs that the world will be ending this year.

1)     Bryan Hitch leaves Marvel to work on America's Got Powers

Bryan Hitch revealed that he was leaving Marvel to work on creator-owned books. His first project will be about a boy who enters a reality television show where all the contestants have superpowers. The catch? The protagonist doesn't!

kim-kardashian-pi2As much as I enjoy seeing creators flee the Big Two like a rat abandons a sinking ship, it saddens me that Hitch attached himself to a project that focuses on the effects that reality television has on society. It's bad enough that we have to suffer through "Idiots on an Island", "Moderately Talented People Perform" and "Who Wants to be the Next Uninteresting Person to Get Their Own TV Show?", do we really need to deal with reality television in comic books as well? Sadly, with the talent attached (Jonathan Ross from Turf is writing the book), America's Got Powers might actually be readable, which will probably only spawn spin-offs and sequel series. Hitch, I hold you accountable for the inevitable Kim Kardashian comic series.

2)     Midnight Launch Parties for Avengers vs. X-Men

Hooray! Marvel is promoting the release of their newest event by pushing stores to stay open to midnight and let loyal fans be the first people not named Rich Johnston to find out what happens to cause a rift between the two biggest franchises in the Marvel universe.

First off, nothing I've read about the event impresses me at all. There's only so much excitement that a series about two teams of fully grown men fighting over the fate of a nubile young teenager can muster. Secondly, I'm not really sure that I'd want to spend more than fifteen minutes waiting in line with the customers that will inevitably show up and argue over who would win in a fight between Emma Frost and the Black Widow (the answer, by the way, is the artist who draws the fight without including at least three gratuitous ass and cleavage shots). Unless my LCS provides booze and a stripper or two to help pass the time, count me out.

3)     Avengers Tower Doesn't Fall Down!

In this week's Avengers Annual, a deranged Simon Williams wastes a prime opportunity to topple Avengers Tower for the third time in five years and instead holds a press conference where he threatens the destruction of the tower should the Avengers not disband. The Avengers use Simon's delay to capture him and brutally defeat his team, most of which had already surrendered had already surrendered to Thor just moments before. Afterwards, Williams warns the Avengers that they are destroying the world with their heavy-handed actions and just don't realize it before disappearing into thin air.

avtowerSo...who else finds themselves a little swayed by Wonder Man's argument? Let's look at the last few major events and see who's responsible. Avengers Dissembled? An Avenger goes nuts and kills some people. House of M? Same Avenger goes nuts and sterilizes an entire race of people. World War Hulk? A former Avenger takes over New York to bring about justified revenge on the group of heroes, most of whom were heroes, that shot him off into space. I could go on, but the point is that the Avengers do have a tendency to make AWFUL decisions that come back to bite them in the ass and they're too arrogant to see it coming. Luckily, the world can depend on superdouche Hank McCoy to stop them once they try to execute a little girl (or whatever it is they plan to do to Hope Summers) in AvX.



4)     The Rot is Taking Over

The otherworldly Rot, a manifestation of decay in the universe is revealed to have infiltrated the Red and is on the verge of destroying the Parliament of Trees, the governing body of the Green in this week's issues of Swamp Thing and Animal Man.

Two of DC's best books keep getting better and better. The Rot looks to have the upper hand in both books and I'm interested to see how Maxine Baker and Alec Holland will be able to save each other's lifeforces. However, it is probably a good idea to not read either book at the dinner table as it may cause unsuspecting passer-bys to gag at the site of a human chest infested with flies.

5)     Cthulhu Joins the Nazis!

Fatale #1 is a shining example why comics are so awesome. A gnarly mix of noir and horror, Fatale is a great first chapter to what's sure to be the next great story by the creative team of Ed Brubaker and Sean Philips. While the narrative structure was a bit tricky to understand at first (for whatever reason, it took me two reads to understand who the narrator was), this comic was easily one of the best of the week. Plus, it features a very Cthulhu-like creature as a member of the Nazi party. Here's to hoping that this same creature shows up dressed in the pinstripe suit he's shown wearing in the cover of the first issue.

6)     We actually see an Age of Apocalypse!

xforcepoint1While I'm not as high on Uncanny X-Force as most people on the internet seem to be, I can't help but admit that this was a pretty fantastic issue. While the Point One issue doesn't introduce the new status quo of the X-Force team, this venture into the remains of the Age of Apocalypse is still pretty awesome, nonetheless. During his X-Force run, Remender introduced a lot of interesting perversions of the popular heroes we know and love, giving David Lapham plenty of ground to explore when his Age of Apocalypse ongoing series starts in March.





Crisis Averted: One Sign That Things Might Not Be Coming to an End Afterall

The Crossover that Wasn't

Earlier this week, comic book not-a-journalist extraordinaire Rich Johnston blogged about an upcoming crossover series that would feature Batman and Spider-Man. Alas, it was all a ruse by Diamond Comics, who had discovered that Rich had been stealing unpublished information from their website and posting it as fact on his site. While I'm sure there's a joke in this story somewhere about British press and violating other's privacy, I'm just too lazy to make it. Oh well, looks like we'll have to wait another few years to see whether Spider-Man's lame jokes will finally be the thing that causes Batman to snap and start killing.

Written or Contributed by: F.F. Ambarger, Outhouse Corrospondent

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About the Author - Christian Hoffer


Christian Hoffer is the exasperated Abbott to the Outhouse's Costello. When he's not yelling at the Newsroom for upsetting readers or complaining to his wife about why the Internet is stupid, he sits in his dingy business office trying to find new ways to make the site earn money. Hoffer is also the only person in history stupid enough to moderate two comic book forums at once.

 


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