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Strictly Speaking: 1/26/09

Written by Harold Strickland on Monday, January 26 2009 and posted in Features

Flamers, Playmates and Afros

star_trek_poster1.jpgStrictly Speaking may be a bit late this week, thanks to an insidious virus. But we're still gonna look at the latest news on the Fantastic Four movie franchise. Then, we'll go where no action figure has gone before. After that, we'll ask whether or not the country is ready for a Black Lantern. And finally...Hornets.  My God.

Flame Off


scifiwire interviewed Fantastic Four's Chris Evans while promoting his new movie "Push". And they asked him about the fate of the FF franchise.

It appears the Fantastic Four series has reached its conclusion after only two films. While on hand at the Push press day in Los Angeles on Saturday, the Human Torch himself, actor Chris Evans, said that he doesn't expect the series to continue.

"No, I don't think we're doing another one," Evans told SCI FI Wire. "I think we're done. I think if they were going to do another one, you would have heard something. It's been a while since the second one, and those films usually come pretty quick, one after the next. I kind of think they're going to close the book on that one. It's too bad. I had a fun time making them."

In Push, Evans also plays a superhero of sorts in Nick Gant, who has the ability to "push" objects and people with his mind.

So who might win if Nick battled Johnny Storm? "You know, I think Nick has some tougher friends," Evans said, laughing at the idea. "Johnny Storm's friends work for good, and Nick's friends are probably a little bit more grimy."

Johnny Storm, how 'bout you shut the fuck up, huh? Your sister beat the goddamned Hulk for chirst's sake. Plus, she's Jessica Alba, and looks better in a bikini that Djimon Hounsou. There's no way they can take the FF.

Advantage: Fantastic Four.

But I can't say I'll miss the FF franchise. Assuming this is true instead of just some actor's speculation. The first movie would have been alright if they hadn't screwed up Doom so badly. Julian McMahon may be great on Nip/Tuck, but as the original gangsta ruler of Latveria with a pimphand of iron, he sucked asses. And he had a bitch-voice. I mean Doom sounded like a whiny, entitled punk-ass.

Plus, old school geeks will recall that back when the FF was first created, scientist-types were macks, not geeks. You'd see these monster movies with scientists in the lead roles, and they always had a curvy little piece of jiggle pie as their lab assistant. They'd be fighting aliens while rocking a pipe and shit.

That's what Reed Richards originally was. I mean, sure, maybe he was only called "Mister Fantastic" because of the crazy shit he could do to Sue with his "stretch armstrong," but originally, he was a science-pimp. Maybe they should have focused on Reed being a bit more debonair in the movies, because geek-ass heroes got old five minutes after Hiro started explaining Star Trek to Ando.

Or maybe it would have helped if they could have written an FF movie that didn't suck asses.

Not the kinda Playmates Kirk prefers...


Scifiwire's also reporting on the new toys from Playmates, which tie into the new Trek flick.

As a diehard Trek geek (no, I don't go for "trekker" or even "trekkie"; a geek is a frigging geek, fool), my hatred for the new movie already knows no bounds. Hollywood assimilates entire franchises, and we fall back. Well, the line must be drawn here! This far, no further! And I shall make them pay!!!!


So, anyway, here are some pics from the new toyline.



I'm not sure I would trust Playmates to handle the franchise again, personally. I mean, I guess they made some decent Trek figures back in the day, but their last offering for Insurrection was ate-up-with-a-dumb-ass. Art Asylum was turning out some pretty kick-ass ship replicas, but I reckon those guys took too damn long to put out new stuff.

You know...I just figured out why I don't like the new Enterprise. It looks like it was designed by Rob Liefeld...startrek_enterprise_toy.jpg

The damn thing's got Cap-boobs...liefeld_cap.jpg

Well, all I can say is, can anyone hook a brutha up with an anatomically correct Zoe Saldana figure...?

Reality Bites

From newsarama, Matt Brady drops the banhammer with an interview with DC's top dog, Dan Didio. I'm not as interested in DC's upcoming event books as some of you guys are, but this caught my eye from the interview:

5. Something that is timely given what we’ve seen in comics up to and including Tuesday – when will President Obama be appearing in a DC Comic?

DD: There are no plans at all. The reason why is that over the past ten or more years, we have never gone to any lengths to include actual political figures into any of our books, and see no reason to change that right now. The world that our characters exist in is a fictional world that touches upon ideals and sensibilities of the real world, but we don’t like to mix it to any great level in regards to real people and real events. My feeling on it is that I have always preferred that the President in the DC Universe, if not one of our characters such as Luthor, be a character that reflects the sensibilities and attitudes of the current Administration, without ever featuring individuals in the books themselves. It’s just my opinion. I’m pretty comfortable with how we do it, and even though it seems to be the flavor of the day in a way, I prefer just to concentrate on the books we’re doing and the stories we’re telling now.


It's goddamn refreshing to hear someone in comics recognize that this is fantasy, not a half-baked attempt to replicate reality. It's further refreshing to see that DC won't be making any shameless attempts to cash in on the spare change left over from Obama's victory. No commemorative foil cover one-shots depicting the Trinity being saved by Captain Obama? I'm good with that. barackobama20comics.jpg

Besides, it probably wouldn't look good with all this "Blackest Night" business going on...Yeah, I said it. My President is a Black Lantern!

A Hornet's Nest

Hitfix's Drew McWeeny reports that the Green Hornet movie may be dead in the water.

There are certain film projects that seem to pick up a curse as they wind their way through development, perpetually threatening to get made but never actually ending up in front of the camera. Right now, it looks like "The Green Hornet" is about to collapse again, and if this particular configuration doesn't happen, then I suspect it never will.

Ever since Stephen Chow started to waffle about his participation in the film, I've been hearing rumors that there were major hesitations at Sony. Then at Sundance, I heard several people say that the film was off completely. I spoke this afternoon with a source close to the film, and while they didn't call it completely dead, they did say it is "highly unlikely" that the film will shoot in 2009 at all.

Indeed. Well, maybe we could find another role for Seth Rogen to play against type. How about a movie version of the Brown Hornet?

I see a resemblance...same afro.brownhornet.jpg


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