Monday, May 21, 2018 • Evening Edition • "Something about hobo piss."

Your Top Modern Characters part 66

Written by Chris Mitchell on Tuesday, March 31 2009 and posted in Features
Top List




gdbatman.jpg149. The Goddamn Batman (26 points)

Year first appeared: 2005

Seriously people? Seriously?

In a retelling of the origin of Batman's sidekick, Robin: Bruce Wayne and Vicki Vale are at the circus watching "The Flying Graysons," an acrobat family consisting of twelve-year-old Dick Grayson and his parents. When Grayson's parents are shot to death by a hit man, he is escorted from the scene by several cops of the Gotham City Police Department in a threatening manner. Vicki and Alfred Pennyworth chase after them. Batman begins searching for the killer and then rescues Dick Grayson from the police, telling him that he has been drafted into a war. More police chase after the Batmobile with orders to kill Batman, during which Vicki is seriously injured. Dick is frightened by Batman's violently ramming the police vehicles during the chase. When Dick begins to cry, Batman smacks him, though he then catches himself, questioning these actions. He tells Dick he will find his parents' killer, and tells him not to trust the Gotham police.

Arriving in the Batcave, Batman drops Dick off, leaving him to his own devices. When Dick asks what he can eat Batman coldly tells Dick to eat the cave's vermin if he is hungry. Alfred informs Batman that Vicki is in critical condition, but knows a doctor in Paris who might be able to save her. Alfred contacts Superman, who is enraged to learn of Batman's kidnapping of Dick. Alfred reveals that Batman knows Superman's secret identity, thus blackmailing Superman into bringing the doctor from Paris to Gotham. Batman and Alfred get into a heated argument over Alfred's providing Dick with clean clothes, a blanket and food, and when Batman manhandles Dick, Alfred orders him to cease, invoking a bitter reaction from Batman.

The Justice League, consisting of Superman, Wonder Woman, Plastic Man and Green Lantern, discusses Batman. Green Lantern and Plastic Man suggest talking to or inviting him into the League, Superman wants to arrest him and Wonder Woman wants to kill him. The latter two heroes argue rather heatedly over the issue, but are implied to have romantic feelings for each other and possibly even a relationship. The argument ends in a kiss, and Wonder Woman leaves in a huff, agreeing to wait before acting on her own to stop Batman. Batman comes to the aid of Black Canary, who is fighting a group of thugs, including "Jocko-Boy" Vanzetti, who killed Dick's parents. After defeating the criminals, the two crime fighters share a romantic interlude, before Batman takes Canary home, with Vanzetti bound and gagged in the Batmobile's trunk. Batman and Dick manage to extract from Jocko-Boy the name of the person who hired him: the Joker.

Dick wants to fight crime with Batman, but Batman says he needs a secret identity first. Batman leaves the cave when he sees Green Lantern's symbol in the sky. After dumping Jocko-Boy in a river, Batman meets Green Lantern, but refuses to speak to him. Dick creates a costume, basing it on Robin Hood. Joker goes to see Catwoman to tell her he has an idea in mind for Batman. Batman returns to the cave, and when Dick tells him his name is Hood, Batman points out that an opponent can easily pull the hood down over his head. Batman tells him to lose the hood and names him Robin. Dick receives a new costume made by Alfred.

Together they confront the Green Lantern. Robin paints the entire room yellow and he covers himself and Batman in yellow. They talk to Jordan, who proceeds to beat on Batman while being openly mocked by Batman. Robin then steals Green Lantern's ring causing him to chase after Robin. Robin turns on Green Lantern and attacks him, almost killing him before Batman saves his life. Batman then takes Robin to his parents’ graves, where they share a moment of mutual grief. The heroes then go underground at the request of Catwoman who is severely injured.

Jim Gordon is shown trying to solve a crime when he learns his wife has been in an accident. At the same time his daughter dressed as Batgirl is fighting crime. Black Canary robs a group of snuff film makers and proceeds to set them on fire. Batgirl is later arrested and Jim is shown to be deeply depressed when he calls his former lover Sarah at the request of his daughter.


148. M (26 points)

Year first appeared: 1994

The eldest child of a wealthy ambassador, Monet St. Croix was a spoiled, pompous girl. When she rejected her brother Marius' invitation to use his skills as a dark sorcerer to rule the world, he trapped her in the form of a red-skinned mute dubbed Penance. St. Croix younger twin sisters used their power to banish Marius to another dimension - were Penance followed in a hopes of being returned to normal. To spare their father the loss of his favored daughter the twins used their powers to merge with one another into a single being that duplicated Monet mentally and physically. It was while in this form that the twins along with other mutants were abducted by the alien techno-organic race known as the Phalanx. Following the defeat of the Phalanx, Professor Charles Xavier, decided to see to it that the teenage mutant captives were instructed in the uses of their powers; establishing a new version of his School for Gifted Youngsters at the Massachusetts Academy. In the guise of Monet St. Croix the twins became members of the team known as Generation X.

Eventually the true Monet St. Croix and her brother, now assuming the name Emplate escaped their dimensional prison. Still trapped in the form of Penance, St. Croix was found by the Australian aboriginal mutant Gateway, who sent her to the Massachusetts Academy, attended by her sisters - who were still assuming her form. After an altercation with Emplate, the twins would be revealed and Monet would be restored to her true form and powers as M.


sistergrimm.jpg147. Sister Grimm (26 points)

Year first appeared: 2003

"I wasn't gonna vote for more than one Runaway and Nico is probably the one with the most potential outside the Runaways book, I also find her the most interesting character."

One of six west-coast teenagers living relatively happy and normal lives, Nico Minoru had a loving but largely anonymous relationship with her parents, until she along with other teens discovered that their parents were members of a super villain group called the Pride. After witnessing the sacrificial murder of a teen girl, Minoru resolved to make her parents pay for their crimes.

Minoru and the other teens went looking for evidence to convict their parents, who caught up with them at the home of Chase Stein (Talkback). Physically assaulted by her mother with the mystical Staff of One, both of them were surprised when Minoru absorbed the staff into her body. After escaping, the teens attempted to rescue Molly Hayes (Bruiser). When Minoru was cut during the battle she was able to call forth the mystical staff. Taking a codename that reflects her Gothic fashion sense, Minoru dubbed herself Sister Grimm.

She possesses the Staff of One, a mystical artifact that allows her to cast amazing spells. However, a specific spell effect or manifestation can only be invoked once. Attempting to evoke the same effect results in random, often useless, effects. Being untrained in magic, Nico must verbalize the desired effect (directly or indirectly) using normal language. Nico mentioned wanting to expand her vocabulary to increase her versatility with the Staff. The potential power of the Staff is such that it could make even Dormammu afraid (according to Nico's parents), which implies that Nico is only scratching the surface of what the staff is truly capable of.

Nico must shed her own blood, in ways such as cutting herself, in order to manifest the Staff of One, which emerges from her chest after invoking the words "When blood is shed, let the Staff of One emerge." Once she forced Old Lace to bite her in order to conjure up the Staff. When Nico has her period, she does not have to cut herself. The Staff Of One is reabsorbed into Nico's body after prolonged use.

She has occasionally used minor magic, such as conjuring a small image, without using the staff.



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