Thursday, April 26, 2018 • Midnight Edition • "At least we're not ComicsAlliance!"

Strictly Speaking: 4/13/2009

Written by Strict31 on Sunday, April 12 2009 and posted in Features

Did I fall asleep?This week in Strictly Speaking, we find out why Hugh Jackman is serious about Wolverine. Then we’ll ask if Angelina Jolie is a Dame to Kill For. We’ll also check in on Marvel Ultimate Alliance: 2. After that, I refuse to rant about Star Trek, and start dropping compliments instead. Next, we’ll take a look at the latest animated Green Lantern trailer. And finally, I’ll give you proof that Twitter is destroying America, starting with the Dollhouse.


Cut it out, Internet!Remember when I said I felt sorry for Hugh Jackman with regards to the leaked Wolverine print? Well, I gotta reiterate that. Hugh Jackman is like the football hero of Hollywood. The bitches love him, and he’s so cool that he doesn’t need to be a dick to the geeks. It’s like he’s achieved a Zen state of cool; he does not need to act cool, because acting cool would get in the way of being cool.

I mean, just for the sake of contrast, there’s Billy Bob Thornton. He’s the guy who doesn’t like being called an actor. See, I’m just sayin’, for some folks, being a not-dick is natural as breathing. But it’s damned easy to turn into an asshole in Hollywood, and Jackman seems like he’s pretty much aces.

Don’t get me wrong…I still ain’t paying the 10 bones to see the flick. But it sucks that he’s literally put his heart into this flick and some shitbirds have crapped it out onto the web. Dude’s heartbroken, according to Josh Wigler at

"Look, it's serious crime and there's no doubting that it was very disappointing," Jackman said of the film's online leak. "I was heartbroken by it because there are a lot of people here in Australia and all over the world working on this film, and to have it out there in that way was very disappointing."

Now you know how I feel about Deadpool being fucked in the ass by the geniuses at Fox. Jackman is also quoted as saying:

"Obviously people are seeing an unfinished film," Jackman insisted. "It's from months ago, so it's kind of like a Ferrari without a paint job."

Whoa, hold up son. Now let’s not talk crazy-talk here, Hugh. I’m pretty sure I’d accept a Ferrari without a paintjob and be perfectly satisfied getting it painted my damn self. But I still ain’t seeing this movie. Sorry, man.


Sin City 2 is Her Baby

That was just pillow-talk, babySo, you remember all the buzz about Angelina Jolie being involved in Sin City 2? All the buzz that came to nothing? Well, it looks like it might come to something finally. At, Clint Morris writes that his sources have indicated some forward movement with Jolie and Sin City 2:

Jolie first spoke to Rodriguez and writer/co-director Frank Miller about the film in 2006. All went quiet on the project though, largely because the producers weren't ready to pull the trigger on the production, and all converse ceased. Now, according to my mole, the project has gathered steam and the filmmakers are trying to get Jolie to officially commit to playing the female lead.

Jolie would play the iniquitous Ava, the lead character in Miller's "A Dame to Kill For" story. She’s the former flame of clean-living photographer Dwight McCarthy, and shows up and professes her love for him. When he finds out she's in way over her head, it looks as though trouble has found him. And he’d be right.

The project would reunite Jolie with her "Beyond Borders" co-star Clive Owen, who’s loosely attached to reprise his role as McCarthy

This would have kicked asses, like, two years ago. You know, back when Angelina was still hot. But now, it’s hard to muster up any enthusiasm for seeing the stack of bones and tats that flashed its ass in Wanted. I dunno…maybe it’s possible that Brad Pitt is some sort of insidious incubus-like demon that drains the “pretty” right out of a bitch.

I mean, remember when she had curves? Now it’s like looking at a pair of lips with legs. What the fuck is going on in Hollywood that its turning all of our hot bitches into sticks? Remember how juicy Jennifer Connelly used to be? Nowadays, I’ve seen better legs on a chair. It’s like a skinny bitch conspiracy.

I just hope Angelina fills out some for the role, because you know Frank Miller ain’t about a skinny bitch. That just ain’t the type of dame to kill for.


What’s So Civil About A War Anyway?

crouching tiger, hidden douchebagSome more news about Marvel Ultimate Alliance: 2 came out of the game Designer’s Conference. Over at, Tracy John had a chat with Evan Skolnick about how the game integrates recent Marvel storylines:

Evan Skolnick: "The first level is "Secret War" [storyline by Brian Michael Bendis]. We saw ‘Secret War’ as laying the groundwork for "Civil War." And to change the entire Marvel universe in one cut scene was not going to work; we needed to convince the audience that this could happen in the Marvel universe.

"So we start this first mission, which is certainly designed to feel a lot like the previous game. ‘We’re the good guys, they’re the bad guys, let’s go get ‘em.’ A very kind of black-and-white approach to the story. But then just after the scene — there’s a cut scene that plays — there starts to be chinks in the armor. Like, ‘Hey, should we really be out here attacking a foreign government?’ And [Nick] Fury’s like, ‘Trust me.’

"So these gray areas start to form and as we move through the storyline in the first part of the game, we start to see events happen that are causing the public’s opinion to turn against heroes. ‘Shouldn’t they be regulated? And registered?’ This groundwork is laid to the point where then the Stamford event from ‘Civil War’ occurs. Then the player’s presented with a choice. And then they must choose one side or the other: Iron Man or Captain America. They must decide which side they’re going to fight for, and so this is where the rabbit hole goes. We go even further with the gray areas and fighting old friends and all the things that you’ve seen in ‘Civil War.’

"Now our version is kind of a ‘what if’ take on it. We didn’t follow the storyline exactly for a number of reasons. One of which is we wanted to allow the player to choose. And in the comics, of course there was only one way that things went, and we wanted the player to be able to choose to help either side try to win the war.

Hey, I’m all good with the game drifting away from the storyline, because it was ass. It was a pretty ass, but still ass. So to me, that’s a good thing. But I can’t help but wonder if Civil War was necessarily the best choice to go with. I mean, any game in which you gotta split up the available pool of characters is gonna have some kinks. Iron Man was one of my favorite characters from the first game, because he simply bleeds ass-whuppin’. But in the Civil War storyline, he was a total dick. Same with Ms. Marvel. Well, she was far less kick-ass than Iron Man, but, you know…she had a great rendered ass.

I think it would have been better to rock the World War Hulk storyline, personally. Despite their differences in Civil War, the heroes all still had to team up against Hulk’s crazy ass.

But what the fuck, am I gonna complain just because Iron Man turned into a dick? I enjoyed the first game more than just about any recent Marvel books aside from Nova and the new Guardians of the Galaxy titles. So, me getting the second game? Done.


The Needs Of The Many Outweigh the Needs of the Strict

star_trek_poster1.jpgI’m just about ranted-out when it comes to the new Star Trek flick. I’ve pretty much expended precious hatred-sauce arguing about this shit on the message boards, so I’m tapped out of scorn, kids. But after reading this review from Quint over at, I’m gonna stand by my assessment in a previous Strictly Speaking column about the whole retcon thing.

So check out the review, and I‘ll leave it at that:

It also kicks of the real split between this universe and the Trek universe we all know. Without any cop-outs, Abrams and his team establish that with this single event everything has changed. In short, it’s the perfect set up for a reboot. It can (and does, with Nimoy’s appearance as Spock Prime, as he’s listed in the credits) respect the originals while being free to do its own thing.

Everything we have seen still exists, just not in this reality. I think it’s pretty genius, actually, but only if they stick to this universe now. I’d hate to see them go back and forth with the existing Trek reality and this one in further sequels. I like the world (or maybe universe is a better term considering the material) that Abrams and his team has created here. I like the cast he assembled, I like the way this new universe turns some old Trek landmarks on their heads, while keeping true to what’s really important to each character.


Well, if nothing else, to prove that I’m not simply a walking fountain of geek rage, allow me to say, it’s cool as hell that Abrams is screening the film for US troops in the Middle East.

About 440 soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines will get to see the newest Star Trek movie at Camp Arifjan, Kuwait, on Saturday — about a month before its stateside premiere, Army and Air Force Exchange Service officials announced Friday.

The troops will get an extra treat at AAFES’ Reel Time Theater: The actors playing the new recruits on the Starship Enterprise will also attend — Captain Kirk (Chris Pine), Spock (Zachary Quinto), Uhura (Zoe Saldana), Nero (Eric Bana), Dr. McCoy (Karl Urban) and Lt. Sulu (John Cho). Director J.J. Abrams also will be on hand.

Check the full article at

So yeah, that pretty much rocks asses. I can’t hate on a guy who’s willing to do that for the troops, so I’ll have to find something else to rant about for next week.


In Brightest Day

First FlightA new trailer for the animated DC feature, Green Lantern: First Flight hit Youtube. I’ve mentioned my enthusiasm for this project in previous columns, so, let’s just get on with the trailer:


Sinestro looks awesome. That’s something I haven’t always been able to say with a straight face, guys.


…Fuck If I Know…

eliza-dushku-dollhouse-feb-01.jpgThanks to Dollhouse actress Felicia Day Twittering without a license, rumors swept the net about the cancellation of Joss Whedon’s Fox series. It seems the true danger of modern technology is the possibility it will fall into the hands of twits. Which makes the name “Twitter” rather appropriate, don’t it?

So, whatever. E! Online tries to clear this up by confusing you even further…I’m not even gonna quote this shit. Apparently, Fox only ever ordered 12 episodes, so the 13th episode Day was tweeting about never was meant to air.


But it’s not the season finale, which itself will still air.

You know what? Fuck it. In last Friday’s episode, Eliza Dushku does a pretty good job summing up the entire affair between Fox and Whedon. And she did it in S&M gear, with a whip.


It's all about trust, folks. And a fine little ass.



Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!