Thursday, May 24, 2018 • Morning Edition • "If you loved Hotel Rwanda, you'll love The Outhouse."

Your Top Teams part 34

Written by Chris Mitchell on Monday, June 29 2009 and posted in Features
More and more and more...





93. Wade and Weasel (31 points)

People sure do love their Deadpool, right Twigglet? Anywho, this is the 2nd of 3 appearances by your merc with a mouth, can you guess the last appearance he will be in? Oh, that’s right. A duo of Liefeldian greatness, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. We wanna talk about these two fine upstanding gentlemen. You all know who Wade is, so I will give you a little history on Weasel, since some of you may not know his adventures.

Weasel attended the same college Peter Parker did. If not for a time traveling Deadpool posing as Peter Parker and taking Weasel on a drinking binge, Weasel's life as an A student wouldn't have been ruined, ending up with him as a loser specializing in technology.

He eventually became a weapons dealer and partner to Deadpool, as well as a somewhat reluctant friend.

Weasel's friendship with Deadpool took him to Madripoor where he was present during the hunt for Tolliver's will, wherein Deadpool, Copycat, Garrison Kane & Slayback were all seeking out what the late and mysterious Mr. Tolliver's weapons cache contained. This mission, like others Weasel would accompany Deadpool on, would nearly cost him his life; though Weasel isn't quite as defenseless as his meek demeanor might suggest as, at one point during this story he defends himself against the mercenary Comcast; shooting him in the head.

Later, Weasel developed a strange relationship with Deadpool's live-in buddy/hostage, "Blind Al". Blind Al is easily twice Weasel's age and is a frail old woman and yet Weasel is compelled to spend time with her while Deadpool isn't around, against Deadpool's wishes. On one such occasion Deadpool catches Weasel in his house and locks both Weasel and Blind Al in "the box"; a room bereft of light but full of pointed objects, both stationary and swinging to jab themselves upon. Somehow or other, after this, Weasel and Deadpool still manage to patch things up.

He once took control of a Hydra base, becoming their leader and inventing the "Penetrator," a device that provided much innuendo and could also teleport people anywhere. He equipped all of the Hydra agents with one, and had the devices programmed to send them away. Wolverine attacked the base, not realizing that Weasel was just executing an elaborate plan. Wolverine damaged the armor, and Weasel quickly tried to explain that it was called the penetrator armor, and that he was trying to remove the agents from the base. The damaged penetrator then sent Weasel, Deadpool, and Bob, Agent of HYDRA, tumbling through space and time, although Weasel was separated from the other two.


92. Meltzer’s League (31 points - 1 first place slot)
Overrated piece of tripe is what this is. You know how I know this was bad? Diana_Fan loved the fuck outta it. Seriously, this was the second coming. People always complain bout Bendis comic have to much talking, well Meltzer’s must've went to the Bendis School for Comics to write this piece of shit. The first three issues the bloody Trinity didn't do anything except play Heroclix and the Overpower card game in the batcave while Black Canary and Hal decided they wanted to reform the league. So who did they invite? Red fucking Arrow. I don't have a problem with Roy like some whack job lawyer out there, but he should not have been the Titan to graduate. In my opinion, it shoulda been Cyborg. Hell, he was part of the League on the damn Super Powers cartoon. The lineup turned out ok, I guess. I like Reddy and Black Lightning on the lineup. I dig Hal, Hawkgirl and Dinah, and the Trinity has to be there I guess. Vixen, I really couldn't care for. Especially after they turned her into Rogue. Seriously, this was the dumbest shit I have ever read.

Then came the Lightning Sage, for fuck sakes that was horrible too. I have never read a Legion comic, and so throwing that little arc at me didn't make me wanna pick one up either. It was confusing, and it licked the balls of old school fans and not helping the newer ones out. The little run was the worst in my opinion, and I cannot remember who gave it the first place vote but shame on you.

That is all.


91. Cloak and Dagger (32 points)

Cloak and Dagger are runaways: two lonely teenagers who ran away to New York City to seek a better life. Fate, however, had other plans for them.

Tandy Bowen grew up in Shaker Heights, Ohio, the daughter of a multimillionaire and his trophy supermodel wife. Her dad abandoned the family while Tandy was very young, and her mother was too busy with her career and social life to pay much attention to the girl. Even her boyfriend forgot about her as soon as he went to college. Feeling empty and alone, Tandy boarded a bus for New York City with dreams of becoming a dancer.

Tyrone Johnson, or Ty, had a very different background. Ty was raised in the slums of South Boston, Massachusetts, and had been born with a speech impediment. When his best friend died because Ty was unable to say the words that might have saved him, the distraught teenager fled Boston.

The two teenagers met up in New York and became fast friends, but were captured and were taken to a lab. Chemist Simon Marshall, who worked for gang leader Silvermane who was developing a synthetic drug, a cheap version of heroin that could easily be smuggled. He began his tests on teenagers with only two survivors. Ty and Tandy. This experiment triggered their latent mutant abilities and BAM!

The two use their powers together to defeat enemies. Cloak disorients them using his dark dimension and Dagger finishes the job with her daggers of light.

Recently, the duo aided Captain America and the Secret Avengers in Civil War. And kinda faded away from the comic spotlight again until recently. It appears they will have a starring role in the pages of Dark X-Men. Osborn has promised he will give them full immunity and erase their charges for aiding Cap during the CW if they join his little band of merry mutants, so that’s what they do.

I am glad they are back, I wish they could have a mini or two of their own. Or hell, let them be apart of the regular X-Men after this arc. Oh, and they should've been in the Top 50 imo.


90. The Bat Family (32 points)
"Just right after No Man's Land the perfect version of what DC has set out to destroy was created. There was no parody to it like the Golden or early Silver Age. This family was formed due to the events of No Man's Land and would be a tight team that would deliver justice to Gotham City for quite a long time. Well until Jean was lost and then War Games hit. The Bat books still haven't been the same since that alas."

The Family started out with just Alfred and Commissioner James Gordon. The family began to grow when Dick Grayson the first Robin became Batman's partner.

Then about two years later Barbara Gordon became the first Batgirl. Batman was at first reluctant to let Barbara become Batgirl but she later convinced him to train her. The training paid off and she was able to defeat a group of bank robbers. Though when she was paralyzed she was still part of the Batman family and became Oracle, an information broker for heroes. She is also the leader of her own team, the Birds of Prey.

As Dick became older he adopted a new costume and name: Nightwing, but still came to the aid of Batman when he was needed. He has since been almost married twice and is currently part of a Titans team.

As Batman always needed a Robin, Jason Todd came in, sadly until recently he was killed by Joker, since his return he was become estranged from the Batman family.

Sometime in between Huntress was introduced as a rather brutal and reckless vigilante. Most of the time Batman didn't approve of her methods which normally includes giving them a brutal beating, but since then she has partially curbed this. At one part she was kicked out of the family when she was accused of murder but was found innocent. Since then she has been welcomed back into the family.

Then later came Tim Drake, the third Robin after a number of tests so he wouldn't end up like Jason Todd, he was accepted into the Batman family. He has also become a character in him own right heading a team of Teen Titans.

In Batman: Knightfall, Batman had his back broken by Bane. To replace him he asked not Nightwing but Azrael, but he was later replaced by Nightwing when Azrael became unstable. Azrael later died.

Cassandra Cain, Batgirl, daughter of the assassin David Cain and Lady Shiva. She was first introduced in No Man's land and later took the Batgirl mantle when she protected James Gordon from her own father, David Cain. She was then trained with Barbara, who approved of Cassandra, who she though of as a daughter. For a time she became estranged from the family but recently it is thought to have made a come back into Bat's "good books" since joining the Outsiders.

After Tim came another ally, Spoiler who was also the daughter of the villain Cluemaster. She also served as the first female Robin in Tim's place for a few days. Spoiler recently returned, the explanation being that Leslie Thompkins helped her faked her death, switching the body with a woman who overdosed. She was in Africa the whole time with Leslie doing volunteer work until an attack from a local witch hunting tribe on the camp forced her to confront her feelings and return to Gotham. She told her mother, with the help of Tim, that she was alive. Stephanie attends high school with Tim and is his partner against crime.

Moral of the story: Do not go to a Bat Family picnic. You will die.


Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!