Tuesday, May 22, 2018 • Evening Edition • "At least we're not Multiversity!"

Your Top Teams: OPC part 1

Written by Chris Mitchell on Friday, July 10 2009 and posted in Features

1topteams.jpgWelcome to the One Point Club aka The OPC for those who are familiar with this, and for those who are not, welcome as well. What is the OPC you ask? Well, it’s a special club reserved for people who received only 1 point in all these 200+ lists I received. That’s right, they only received one vote in a last place slot on a list. It’s a fun little group I started back on the Avengers Top List and from then on the ranks have grown big time. Who will be in the group this time around? Well, some big names and some WTFs.

But before I do this, I always wanna apologize if one of your entries from your list did not appear on the list. It’s not out of malice or what not, it was most likely a simple cut and pasting error and I deeply deeply deeply apologize for it. I try my hardest to get everyone’s entry in or quotes but sometimes mistakes happen and I am sorry.

Seriously, I am.

So, now that I killed the buzz lets get back to the One Point Club, shall we??




The Legion of Losers

legionoflosers.jpg"The morts of Spidey's Rogue Gallery unite to take down the Wall crawler. Hilarity and a fun story ensued. Of course they call themselves the Spider-Man Revenge Squad, but of course this was the true title that befitted them when they fought Spidey. You knew they didn't have a chance to do the actual job. But to see them come real close was amusing. Also don't tell John Lewis Hawk. They'll probably get more votes."

That picture fucking kills me. lol

It all started with Maxwell Markham (Grizzly) wanting revenge against Spider- Man, and Brian Hibbs (the second Kangaroo) being defeated by Spider-Man in two consecutive weeks. First, Hibbs, who worshiped the original Kangaroo, Frank Oliver, stumbled upon Spidey on his first day of crime and got easily knocked out. Escaping on his way to court, Hibbs ordered a powerful battle armor from the Super-Villain's Catalogue and went on his second crime spree. He met Spidey again, and his battle armor self- destructed... Spidey left him hanging for the cops, but the Grizzly came to him with an offer, and cut him down.

At Markham's place, Hibbs cynically points out that the Grizzly's track record isn't any better than his. Markham replies that he killed Spider-Man once, but he got better... Hibbs heads for the door, when Markham suggests they should form a team. Hibbs isn't very interested, and the sudden arrivals of Martin Blank (The Gibbon) and Jonathan Ohm (The Spot) don't make it better for him.

Regardless, a team is born, and the first thing that the Spider-Man Revenge Squad (which everyone else came to know as the Legion of Losers) does is... to rob a bank. Dissention soon spreads, as the Grizzly and Gibbon were disenchanted - they were in it to get back at Spider-Man, not to rob banks. The Spot and Kangaroo think otherwise, and they flee through one of Spot's portals when the other two decide to walk away through the door... triggering the burglar alarm. Being chased by the cops, Grizzly refuses to stand up to, because he has nothing against them - they are just doing their job - the two G's managed to escape, but they meet with Spidey. A "fight" ensues, with the highlights being Spidey trying to convince them to return the money and the Grizzly sticking his hand through a wall... But reinforcements soon arrived, in the form of the less moral half of the Legion, and Gibbon and the Kangaroo managed to KO Spidey. The Spot suggested that they return to Grizzly's apartment... after they pull Grizzly's arm off the wall.

At Grizzly's, the Legion debates. Kangaroo is checking the Super-Villain's Catalogue and picking his future purchases, the Spot is wondering what's the best way to kill Spider-Man, and the Gibbon is asking if they weren't just gonna hit him. That's when dissent starts again. The Grizzly says that Spidey actually tried to help them, and that they'd do better to do like he said, just return the money and forget the revenge. The Kangaroo takes offense at the suggestion, but the Gibbon sides with Grizzly. The Grizzly ducks a charge from the Kangaroo and he falls through one of Spot's portals, KO'ing himself in the process. Then the G's KO Spot easily. When they turn to release Spidey, they realize that Spidey was never KO, just faking to see how everything would play out. Spidey took the Spot and Kangaroo, and thanked the G's and told them to stay out of trouble. They decided to form a heroic duo, The Gargantuous Grizzly and Gibbon, the Boy Monkey. They still patrol New York today, making everyone safer. Their arch enemy is the White Rabbit and her gang. The nefarious Rabbit at one point kidnapped Grizzly and the Boy Monkey and threatened to feed them to genetically engineered killer bunnies unless the City of New York paid a ransom. The mayor offered her $1.50.


Guardians of the Globe

guardiansoftheglobe.jpg"A great fun spoof on the Big 7 + Iron Man and a second Superman."

You all should be reading Invincible.

The Guardians of the Globe is a superhero team like the Justice League Of America. Its members are the strongest on the planet and they protect the world from outside threats. Some are human, some are alien and some have other mysterious origins. There have been two incarnations of the Guardians of the Globe. The first was a group of super powered adults including: Omni-Man, The Immortal, Black Samson, Green Ghost, Aquarus, Martian Man and the original Darkwing. They were incredibly powerful and could handle any threat with little to no difficulty. They were led by Omni-Man, the most powerful of them all. He was an alien sent to conquer Earth but he had instead become a part of it and helped to protect it. This didn't last however. He turned against the other Guardians and killed them with ease. The only one to survive was The Immortal, but only because after he died, he came back to life.

The second incarnation of the Guardians of the Globe was created after Omni-Man left the planet. It was re-created under the government’s power by Cecil, and was led by Robot, The team was brought together via a mass tryout. I was during this time that Rex-Plode, Dupli-Kate, Monster Girl, Bulletproof, and Shrinking Rey were added to the roster. Robot also extended an invitation to Invincible, but he respectfully declined.

After a short run, it was decided that the team was less than half as effective as the first team. To help fix this problem, Cecil re-hired the Immortal and placed him in the team as a sort of Veteran Adviser. Robot could not tell him what to do, and vise versa. Further more, Immortal could not lead the team.

This team ran a lot smoother until they discovered that Cecil had been hiring known killers, creating a mass of zombie robots called Reanimen for the government, and that he was trying to control Invincible, a majority of the new team quit.

Now re-re--building, the Guardians have kept a pretty low profile. But rest assured, the team will grow, and the Guardians will rise again.


Galactus and his Heralds

galactusandheralds.jpgHow the hell did this only get one point? How?? I mean seriously, you have Galactus who has been in a duo from like all eternity!!! Seriously, The Big G has been paired up with many a badass in his day. Terrax the Terrible, wait, is Terrible part of his name? Anywho, Terrax. We have Firelord, which has always been a personal fav. of mine. We have Morg, Mr. 90's Herald. We have the hotness that is Nova. We have Air Walker, and if I ever write Fantastic Four, I have a badass story for this guy. Oh, and Silver Surfer, perhaps you heard of him. Silly people, this deserves to be higher.

In order to efficiently locate worlds with which to feed, Galactus will employ beings known as his heralds whose job it is to seek out worlds that will sustain him and satisfy his insatiable hunger. Heralds are imbued with portion of Galactus' power, an energy known as the Power Cosmic. The Power Cosmic gives his heralds special abilities often including the ability to survive in the vacuum of space, limited invulnerability, faster than light travel, and the ability to generate massive concussive blasts.

Many of Galactus' heralds wield weapons that can channel their cosmic energies. These items include the Silver Surfer's board, Firelord's staff, Stardust's staff, Red Shifts swords, and Terrax's axe.

Generally Galactus only has one herald. During the events of the Annihilation, Galactus accepted the Silver Surfer as his herald once again. After the Annihilation, Stardust was proven worthy again by feeding the last of his race to Galactus. Because of his capture during the Annihilation, Galactus' hunger rages more than ever. Also because of Stardust's unparalleled display of allegiance and Galactus' knowledge that eventually the Silver Surfer will betray him again, Galactus has allowed Stardust to carry on as a second herald with the Silver Surfer.



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