Sunday, December 21, 2014 • Midnight Edition • "We're so sorry, DC. Please take us back."

Your Top Teens part 18

Written by Chris Mitchell on Monday, October 05 2009 and posted in Features

I can hear chap complaining bout these characters now...

{nomultithumb}



137. Superboy Prime (16 points - 1 first place slot)

superboyprime.png"Go live in a basement why don’t you?"

"He makes me laugh."

"I love him, and I love to hate him."

"So much angst! So much self-indulgent drama! So much whining!"

I honestly thought this guy was going to make the Top 50 at least, but he didn't even make the Top 100. I know a lot of you out there hate this guy, but I didn't mind him at all. Thing is, he was just used for so much in such a short period of time. And the whole Countdown thing with him was completely and utterly pointless, then again everything bout Countdown was completely and utterly useless so I guess I really can't use that as an excuse. I really do not know where to begin this so I will just use the Infinite Crisis stuff. I guess.

Superboy-Prime was raised on a parallel world dubbed Earth-Prime. He was thought to be a normal child. He was adopted by Jerry and Naomi Kent, who thought it would be amusing to name him Clark after the "comic book" character in their world. It turned out he really was Kal-El and was teleported to Earth before the Krypton of his universe was swallowed by its sun, Rao.

The Superboy of Earth-Prime left his reality to join other heroes to protect reality itself from the Anti-Monitor during the Crisis on Infinite Earths. His reward, along with Alexander Luthor, Jr. of Earth-Three, Golden Age Superman, and Lois Lane of Earth-Two, was a chance to escape to an apparently heavenly pocket dimension before reality fixed itself after the Crisis.

Never aging in the Paradise dimension, with a view of the world he can never be a part of (post-Crisis Earth), Superboy-Prime came to despise his situation. He lost his childhood, and he can never grow up to be Superman, his idol of Earth-Two. His envy and anger boiled as he watched the world he had saved become darker.

He believed its heroes were losing the fight for justice, and he was especially angered by Superboy, Connor Kent, for taking his name and what he believed should be his life. Regretting his decision, he escaped with the help of Alexander Luthor, and the two set off the chain of events which brought about the Infinite Crisis, an attempt to recreate the world in their image.

Having been exposed to yellow sunlight and reveling in his strength, he is the cause of many of the atrocities during the Infinite Crisis such as the destruction of the Watchtower on the moon and he left the Martian Manhunter for dead. He moved the planet Rann into Thanagar's orbit, causing the two planets and their allies to go to war. He almost beat Connor Kent to death in an attempt to regain his name, and killed a few Titans before being trapped inside the Speed Force by the Flash family who then placed him under a Red Sun. Upon his return four years later, he killed Conner Kent, as well as numerous Green Lanterns before being stopped by the Supermen of New Earth and Earth-Two. The Superman of Earth-Two was beaten to a pulp by Prime during the fight, however, and ended up dying in Power Girl's arms following Prime's defeat.


136. Arseface (17 points)

arseface.jpg"Hey, whaddya want? He's the classic underdog made good."

"I JUST STARTED READING PREACHER LAST WEEK AND HOLY SHIZZLE GARTH ENNIS IS ONE FVCKED UP BASTARD BUT THIS COMIC IS THE AWEZOMES."

I have yet to read Preacher.

Life as a teenager is tough wherever you live. There's the parental rebellion, the pressures of school and society, the ever-constant worry about how you can live up to the expectation of your parents. For the son of the Annville, Texas sheriff, it was just that much tougher.

Sheriff Root's son was everything that disappointed him. The boy was disobedient, lazy and unmotivated. He listened to rock and roll and rap, dressed like a slob and let his hair grow long. Even worse, his best friend was a guitar-playing pot smoker nicknamed "Pube." In the sheriff's mind, there was nothing wrong with him that a few beatings couldn't take care of, but all the beatings in the world didn't seem to have any effect on the boy. He was a reject at school, and unwanted at home.

So it was probably no wonder that he tried to kill himself.

It was all Pube's idea, really. The boys both idolized Kurt Cobain, the lead singer of Nirvana, and, like so many disaffected teens, believed that only he understood their pain. When Cobain died, Pube convinced his friend that death was the only way out of the mess their lives had become.

They stole the Sheriff's shotgun, got good and drunk, and went out to do the deed. Pube blew the back of his head off. Root's son, however, only succeeded in nearly blowing his face off. His father's only comment, as his son lay bandaged and medicated in the hospital was, "Shoulda put it in your mouth, you dumb little fuck." Those were the last words his father would speak to him for a long, long time.
While the boy was in the hospital, Pube's sister Catherine came to visit, and to find out what had driven the boys to do such a terrible thing. His response - "Nobody cared" - drove her into a rage. She accused him and her brother of being self-absorbed idiots whose actions showed a massive disregard for the people who loved them. She fled from his hospital room in tears.

On top of everything else that had happened, triggered a profound change in his outlook. Where before he had been a depressed, apathetic loser, he was now ready to do everything in his power to be the perfect son. He came home from the hospital, disfigured and optimistic, ready to start a brand new life. Unfortunately, his mother had left the family, and his father refused to talk to him. Still, he tried. He asked his father about his day, he told about his own. He looked forward to the day when he and his dad could go out together and fight crime as father and son.

That day eventually came. Sheriff Root was called out to investigate a mass murder done by an unkillable cowboy, the Saint Of Killers, but he didn't know that his son was hiding in the backseat of the police cruiser. When he saw his father being held at gunpoint by an unkillable cowboy, he ran out, shouting "Duh kuh muh duhh!" translated to "Don't kill my dad!" It was a standoff, brought to an end only by Jesse Custer's Voice of Command. He forced the Saint to holster his gun, and then to summon an angel. The angel told them all a terrible secret - that God had abandoned His creation. He gave his news, and the vanished. Looking at Root's son, one of Custer's companions.....An Irish Alcoholic Vampire named Cassidy said, "That fella's got a face like an arse." But the boy was only concerned about his father.

Once the scene was over, Custer let them all go, but to Sheriff Root he said, using his Voice, "You're gonna go fuck yourself."

The EMTs told Root's son that, while it was an hour too late to reattach his father's penis, they should be able to extract it from his colon and he would be able to lead a normal life. At that point, finally, Sheriff Root spoke to his son. He asked the boy to bring him his gunbelt. Overjoyed, he did so, ecstatic at the possibility that perhaps now he and his father would be able to have the life he had so long dreamed of.

Sheriff Root promptly shot himself in the head.

His son was horrified. He ran out into the rain, weeping and covered in his father’s blood. He vowed to take revenge on Jesse Custer, and said that if he had a face like an arse then he would be - ARSEFACE!


135. Rock Lee (17 points)

rocklee.jpgRock Lee was constantly mocked by his fellow students, while at the academy, because of his inability to use either ninjutsu or genjutsu, even failing to utilize the more simple techniques that all shinobi learn to use at a young age. That would mean all Lee had going for him was taijutsu, and even then that was only average. It seemed impossible that Lee would ever become a ninja, and anyone else in his rare situation would have given in, but not Lee. Everyday Lee would push his body to the limits, by constantly training in taijutsu, giving him arduous training regimes, that if he failed to meet his promise for completing one task, he would train in an even more difficult task. It is this hard working determination, which has allowed Lee to succeed as a ninja.

Ever since the academy, Lee has been under the watchful eye of Might Guy, the number one taijutsu specialist in Konoha. Guy saw something special in Lee, becoming proud when Lee was able to complete a task, and greatly appreciating his never gives up attitude. Lee also saw Guy as not just a sensei to him, but also a father figure, becoming extremely upset and angry whenever someone made fun of Guy. Lee was eventually signed to team Guy, along with Tenten and Neji Hyuga, during that time his appearance and personality greatly resembled Guy’s, such as wearing clothing like him and even having the same style hair cut. It was during this time that Lee developed a rivalry with Neji, believing that with enough hard work, someone like him will be able to surpass a natural genius, although Neji believed he is and always will be superior to Lee and his hard work was pointless.

This did not stop Lee, even when he was being beat by Neji in training; he carried on training to make himself stronger. Under Guy’s influence and tutelage Lee trained constantly in taijutsu, and in the style known as strong fist, that deals external damage to the body, such as breaking bones. Lee was able to master many of the styles most difficult techniques, such as the Front Lotus. These types of moves are known to put a lot of strain on the body, and while anyone can perform them, only the likes of Lee and Guy can deal with the strain that it puts on their body, because they have been through the necessary training to handle it. Since his training, Lee has worn heavy training ankles weights, which increases his strength but decreases his speed to a point which is still considered incredibly fast by his peers.

Upon taking these weights off, his speed increases greatly, to the point he becomes a blur and even Kakashi’s Sharingan found it hard to keep up. Lee is also a natural master in the style known as Drunken Fist, upon drinking even a single drop of alcohol, he becomes violently drunk and his fighting style is unpredictable, almost impossible to follow. In this state, he is constantly trying to impress Guy even if he is not around, and he will attack friend or foe. Lee has also learned to open up the first five of the Eight Gates, which is a difficult feat even for the most talented of ninja, upon opening these gates, his speed and strength are forcibly pushed past their natural limits, at the cost of his health.

Lee is also very polite and respectful, referring to people in a very proper way. He is also very respectful to his opponents and carries a great sense of honor, to the point that his good natured heart stops him from holding grudges, even forgiving Gaara and building a friendship with him, even after he crushed his arm and leg. Lee also believes that all ninja should show respect to there opponents and becomes angry when people fail to do so. He also believes that by not wanting something, only then will he be able to get it, as seen moments before his battle with Gaara. Lee also has deep feelings for Sakura, asking her to be his girlfriend. Lee has vowed to always protect Sakura, and because of her he has pushed himself even further. At first Sakura does not like this but in time she begins to care for Lee even bringing him flowers when he was in hospital.


Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:




Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:


The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!