Sunday, January 20, 2019 • Midnight Edition • "If you loved Hotel Rwanda, you'll love The Outhouse."

Your Top Teens part 32

Written by Chris Mitchell on Monday, October 12 2009 and posted in Features

For a Canadian Thanksgiving, I am being very thankful and giving. So here are four characters for ya.


94. Ultra Boy (30 points)

ultraboy.jpgAgain, I really didn't know which one to write bout so I figure I mesh them all into one big lump of Legion goodness. Sound good? Thought so. Jo Nah (his real name is derived from the biblical figure Jonah) was traveling through space in his one-man space-speedster, he was swallowed by an energy-beast. Fortunately, a Galactic Patrol Cruiser saw this happening and rescued him by slicing the creature open with a ray. Jo escaped, but his body was charged by the radiation of the monster. He tried using his energy and discovered that he could see through anything, even lead. He used his new-found ability in behalf of the law. Before long, everyone called him Ultra Boy. Later, he tried to use his ultra-energy power in other ways and after experimenting, he found that the energy could be used for many different powers, but with one serious limitation. He could use his ultra-energy for ultra-strength, or ultra-speed, or ultra-invulnerability or vision, but he could only use it for one super-power at a time.

He was considered one of the big 3 along with Superboy and Mon-El. All three heroes having similar powers. He had a romantic relationship with Phantom Girl for several years. He was later linked with Spider Girl and eventually married Apparition. They had a son together named Cub just before the Legion's reality was rebooted for the second time. He can now be linked to Shadow Lass. He is being trained by Karate Kid on how to use his powers more effectively.

93. The DuckTales Kids (30 points - 2 first place slots

huie-louie-dewey.jpgLife is like a hurricane here in Duckburg
Race cars, lasers, aero planes - it's a duck blur
You might solve a mystery or rewrite history

Duck Tales, Oo-oo
Tales of derring-do, bad and good luck tales, oo-oo

D-d-d-danger, watch behind you - there's a stranger out to find you
What to do? Just grab onto some Duck Tales, oo-oo!
Not pony tails or cotton tails but Duck Tales, oo-oo!

When it seems they're headed for the final curtain
Bold deduction never fails, that's for certain
The worst of messes become successes!

Duck Tales, Oo-oo
Tales of derring-do, bad and good luck tales, oo-oo
Not pony tails or cotton tails but Duck Tales, oo-oo!

You people are idiots.

92. Nico Minoru (31 points)

sistergrimm.jpg"There are so many characters I want to put on this list, in Runaways alone at least three more. But I go with Nico and I say the only reason why I choose her over some of the others I love just as much is the awesome character design. Yeah, I'm shallow like that."

Nico is the daughter of Tina and her husband Robert Minoru. Every year, the couple used to join other five couples in an organization called the Pride. Eventually, Nico was shocked to see her father performing a spell casting scenario in which he was one of those who murdered a girl for their ritual in their organization. Nico made a decision to help the others run from their parents. While running, Nico was shocked to see her mother yielding a staff called the Staff of One. Later, Tina Minoru revealed that she and Robert were secretly dark wizards. Attempting to jam the staff on her daughter's chest, Nico absorbed it. Following some events, Dale Yorkes’ Samurai attempted an attack against her with his battle axe, but the Staff of One had just merged with her. By saying the word "Freeze", she was able to freeze Stacey Yorkes. The incidents therefore explained the fact that Nico Minoru like her parents was actually a witch and whenever she bleeds, the Staff of One emerges from her. To be able to hide her identity as Nico Minoru, she used the name Sister Grimm but it does not last for long. She was then recruited by Alex and became the unofficial leader of the Runaways for a while.

During the first volume of the Runaways title, Nico found herself leading the team in their efforts to prevent their parents from bringing the Gibborim onto Earth. During this period, she became engaged in a relationship with fellow Runaway Alex Wilder, but this was broken when Alex ended up betraying the team to the Pride. Despite the resentment she felt at him for betraying her trust (thoughts she articulated by punching him in the face), Nico still grieved his death at the hands of the Gibborim, and wasted a resurrection spell in an effort to bring him back. When the Runaways were separated and each placed into different foster homes at the urging of Captain America, Nico found herself in Father Flanagan's Home for Unwanted Goth Kids. While initially accepting her place there and trying to forget her past as a Runaway, Nico was soon drawn back into the world of super heroics when she was attacked by the villainous Marie Laveau, who was seeking the Black Mirror, one of the Four Cornerstones of Creation, which Nico's parents had stolen from her. After a lengthy magical confrontation, Nico defeated the sorceress, only for Laveau to escape with the true prize within the Mirror, the last page of the Darkhold. Following this battle, Nico accepted her place as a superhero, and left the orphanage to return to the reunited Runaways.

She possesses the Staff of One, a mystical artifact that allows her to cast amazing spells. However, a specific spell effect or manifestation can only be invoked once. Attempting to evoke the same effect results in random, often useless effects. Being untrained in magic, Nico must verbalize the desired effect (directly or indirectly) using normal language. Nico mentioned wanting to expand her vocabulary to increase her versatility with the Staff. The potential power of the Staff is such that it could make even Dormammu afraid (according to Nico's parents), which implies that Nico is only scratching the surface of what the Staff is truly capable of.

Nico must shed her own blood, in ways such as cutting herself, in order to manifest the Staff of One, which emerges from her chest after invoking the words "When blood is shed, let the Staff of One emerge." Once she forced Old Lace to bite her in order to conjure up the Staff. When Nico has her period, she does not have to cut herself. The Staff Of One is reabsorbed into Nico's body after prolonged use.

She has occasionally used minor magic, such as conjuring a small image, without using the staff.

After the Runaway's trip to 1907 New York, Nico's Staff of One transformed in appearance to resemble the Witchbreaker's Staff. It is now more powerful than its original form. Also, after the Witchbreaker subjected her to a great amount of pain, Nico can now cast some spells without the staff in her possession.

91. Archie Andrews (31 points - 2 first place slots)

archie.jpg"I still love Archie comics to this day."

Archie varies from issue to issue in terms of whether he is athletically gifted or inept, good at school or a bad student and so on.

In general, he is a typical teenager, and not a distinguished student or athlete. He is not overweight or severely underweight, neither is he brilliant at any one particular field. This allows his stories to vary tremendously.

Dating is the central tenet of his existence, with Archie endlessly balancing the demands of the buxom rich girl sable brunette Veronica against the equal but opposing demands of athletic tomboy cheerleader blonde Betty. In some issues, he appears to love Veronica more, and in others he states that he loves both of them equally, although sometimes he has been known to fall for other girls that usually appear only once or twice in the series. He has a best buddy named Jughead, who wears a crown-like beanie, and a nemesis named Reggie.

Archie also has a varied set of adventures depending which of his comics he appears in. He has X-Files type adventures in Archie's Weird Mysteries and similar one-shots, soap opera type adventures in Life, dating misadventures and light comedy in his standard title and even went through a lengthy Christian comic period.

One unkind but still basically well-intentioned epithet he has earned from the cliques of mainstream comic book aficionados is "World's Oldest Teenager".

In the alternate universe, Archie Andrews is a superhero called Pureheart The Powerful, a character who is created when Archie attempts to tap into the "PH Factor", a superpower only accessed for those with the pure of heart. Pureheart is super strong hero with the ability to fly (Using his jet boosters) and is super-resilient to anything. People immediately recognize him as Pureheart and not Archie even though he doesn't wear a mask to cover his identity. He, Superteen (Betty Cooper), Evil Heart (Reggie Mantle) and Captain Hero (Jughead Jones) form the Super Teens


Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!