Monday, June 25, 2018 • Afternoon Edition • "Voted best hair in high school."

Your Top Marvel Heroes part 26

Written by Chris Mitchell on Thursday, April 22 2010 and posted in Features
Three characters for you, and what a bunch they are!! {nomultithumb}

164. Arachne (15 points)

arachne.jpgAs a single mother, Julia became a test subject for a secret government super-soldier program through Valerie Cooper. She gained her powers after going through a series of tests that included injecting her with spider venom and extracts from rare Amazon plants. She became a part of the Secret Wars when her home was moved into space by the Beyonder. While there she fought alongside the X-Men, the Avengers, Fantastic Four and Spider-Man (who unconsciously based his new black costume on her look).

When the Avengers West Coast disbanded, Julia joined the short lived Force Works group. After being drained of her powers and paralyzed by Charlotte Witter she was forced to retire. Julia regained her powers after intense physical therapy and an injection of a duplicate of the original serum she got her powers from. The Shroud and his company allowed her to recover, and the two soon fell in love. She then began using the new code name Arachne, after the woman who became a spider in Greek mythology, in order to distinguish herself from the original Spider-Woman (Jessica Drew) and Mattie Franklin.

During the Civil War, Julia registered under the Super-Human Registration Act. She was later revealed to be a double agent when the Prowler was captured and under interrogation reveals that she tipped him off. After helping the Shroud to escape, a strike force led by Ms. Marvel was sent to capture her. Julia was about to leave the country with her daughter when she was caught and imprisoned.

Shortly after the Superhuman Registration act was passed, Julia was persuaded by Tony Stark (Iron Man) to join his team. Alongside Ms. Marvel and Wonder Man, her mission was to train other registered superheroes to perform government-authorized security activities, as well as the standard apprehension of unregistered superheroes.

She was soon sent to go after Max Coleridge, her current boyfriend, whose alter-ego the Shroud was an unregistered superhero. Instead, Julia helped the Shroud escape from government soldiers and became a fugitive herself. After sending three squads to the hospital and stealing clothes and a car, they headed to Colorado to pick up Julia's daughter Rachel on their way to Canada. They were ambushed by Ms. Marvel and Wonder Man and the Shroud was captured, but Arachne evaded the attack and went to her parents in Colorado, where Rachel was staying. Following another ambush by Ms. Marvel (who this time brought along her trainee, Araña), Arachne was captured and ripped from the arms of her daughter. She was incarcerated and held in chains, before being imprisoned in the Negative Zone.

However, Julia escaped captivity during the Negative Zone prison break, and returned to Colorado in search of Rachel. A S.H.I.E.L.D. psi-ops team telepathically traced her to Brooklyn, where she furiously confronted Araña, demanding to know where her daughter has been taken. Arachne was able to reunite with her daughter and flee to Canada. Arachne later joined the Canadian super-team Omega Flight in exchange for having the charges against her dropped.

163. Hellcat (15 points)

hellcat.jpg"I think there is a lot of potential with this character. A fun character who also has ties to some extremely dark situations."

As a young girl and young woman Patsy Walker's mother wrote and drew comic book stories based on her daughter. This means that within the Marvel Universe there are actual "Patsy Walker" comic books in the Marvel range of comics alongside "Millie the Model".

When Patricia Walker helped Hank McCoy she learned his alter-ego was Beast, she promised to keep his secret safe, as long as he promised to help her become a "super heroine". When her marriage with Buzz Baxter was not turning out the way she had hoped, she went to Beast, who was now one of the Avengers, to remind him of his promise. She went with the Avengers to investigate a Brand Corporation-owned building. When one of Greer Nelson's costumes was found, Walker quickly put the costume on and called herself 'Hellcat'. She helped the Avengers and was offered a membership but she was persuaded by Moondragon to go training in psychic ability, and advanced barefoot martial arts on the moon Titan. The training gave her minor psionic potential. Once returning to Earth, she assists Doctor Strange and joined the Defenders.

On the team she met Hellstorm, the two got married and retired from being super heroes. Eventually, Damion's dark soul reasserted itself and Patsy was driven mad. Deathurge compelled Patsy Walker to commit suicide. Trapped in Mephisto's realm, in the Arena of Tainted Souls, fighting for the rest of eternity alongside Mockingbird. During this time she developed her psionic powers. Patsy, Mockingbird, and other heroes were resurrected by Grim Reaper and were tainted with hatred towards the Avengers. Once Patsy and the other heroes broke free of Grim Reaper's control they went back to Mephisto's Realm. When the Thunderbolts went to save Mockingbird, they were tricked by Hellstorm into saving Patsy instead.

During the Civil War event, Patsy confronts the super villain Ruby Thursday. Ruby attempts to escape in her car, with Patsy riding on the bumper. She-Hulk breaks up the fight and shows Patsy the result of the fight, namely destruction and traumatized citizens. Patsy willingly registers under the Superhuman Registration Act. Ruby herself is captured by the Two-Gun Kid. She is later seen as one of instructors at Camp Hammond. She was seen among the group fighting the MVP clone, K.I.A.

Patsy ignored Nighthawk's offer to join the New Defenders, but it is known that she will be acting as an official superhero in Alaska.

162. Captain Ultra (16 points)

captainultra.jpgYou know, he should've been an OPCer. Many people wanted him to be an OPCer, but because of this he didn't become an OPCer. Take it away, Amoeb.

Good Evening Ladies and Germs, my name is Griffin Gogol. Thanks for the applause. No really, that's your cue for applause.

Anyone ever been to the dentist - of course you have. I was going to go to get my teeth whitened but then I just decided to get a tan instead.

I like rice. Rice is great in case you're hungry and you want two thousand of something.

I count sheep to go to sleep. And whatever you do don't count endangered animals because you WILL run out.

Before I did this I was a plumber. My brothers and sisters all became doctors and lawyers. Me? I became a plumber. My motto: "I can take a leak.... and fix it too!" That was a whole lot better than "Your crap is my business".

Do you know how many plumbers it takes to change a light bulb? Two. One to get the beer and another to call an electrician.

True story, one day I was on a service call to this guy's house. Just your typical run of the mill place but this guy was a shrink - a real psychologist. Anyway I fix the guys back up and he tells me he doesn't have any money. I just wallowed around in his shit for an hour and this guy's going to try and stiff me? I was getting upset and looked for my smokes to calm me down as I'd been trying to quit. This quack then offers up a trade, instead of paying he would hypnotize me into quitting. After a minute this sounded pretty good so I said what the hell and let him do it.

Well the strange thing about this is that it worked - he zapped something into my brain and I no longer wanted to smoke ever again. In fact anything to do with fire or smoke just put me off. It was pretty cool actually.

But then it got weird. Turns out the doc wasn't even human! He was a freakin' alien from outer space! Here I am, simple Griffin the Plumber getting hypnotized by an alien who helped me quit smoking. And that's not all. Somehow this guy ‘unlocked' something in my grey matter because I could suddenly fly, had super strength, bullets bounced off me (don't try this at home) and I could see through women's clothes - er I mean walls.

Only one thing to do with all these abilities. So I sold my business and headed off to New York to be a full fledged Superguy. I made myself a costume - I like color so it was kinda loud - but anyways I realized I didn't know how to start. In the pages of the Daily Bugle I found my opening The Fantastic Four were having try-outs. So I made my way to the Baxter Building, waited in line with some real losers (some of them down right creepy). I quickly figured out the tryout wasn't with the Fantastic Four but was instead with the Frightful Four. Oh well what the hell I said and went. Some wizardo guy in a big helmet asked me to show off my stuff which I did. And I nailed it! Everything I did impressed the hell oufta them and they offered me the gig. That was so cool, but then domehead lit a cigarette and that alien head shrinker mumbo jumbo kicked in and the fear of fire he put in me had me fainting like a White Martian with a Bic lighter. I was kicked to curb by the Sandman of all people. I wonder if he knows I was picking pieces of him out of my underwear for over a week.

On my own again, I went back to the newspapers and sure enough there was another try-out. This time for some group called the Defenders. I went and there were a billion people there in spandex. It was a joke, even with my outfit I couldn't get noticed so I left.

Not long after that I moved to Chicago and had my first team-up. With Thor! That long-haired guy with the hammer. That was so cool.

I got hooked up another shrink, this time another long-haired hippie called Doc Samson. He got me over my fear of fire but super-heroing just wasn't taking. With money running out and not wanting to go back to plumbing I took to my dream job of stand up comedy.

Maybe someday I'll put the costume on but not now - this is just too much fun.

So thanks everyone. Tip your waitress and try the veal!


Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!