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Idiot's Guide Weekly: It Starts Here!

Written by Christian Hoffer on Saturday, January 08 2011 and posted in Columns

Idiot's Guide Goes Weekly!  Covering all the Best (and Worst) Comics and News of the Week!


Welcome to a new (hopefully) weekly column summarizing the good, the bad and the ugly that occurred throughout the week in comics. With fifty billion websites covering all the minutia of the comic industry and dozens of comics hitting the shelves, it's about time that someone has the stones to take it all in and regurgitate it like a mother bird to her chicks. Idiot's Guide Weekly will cover pertinent news, the best and worst comics of the week, and anything else worth mentioning in a jovial and mocking manner. So enjoy it while it's fresh: Idiot's Guide Weekly aims to please.

The News:

Top News Story of the Week: Axel Alonso was named Editor in Chief of Marvel Comics , replacing Joe Quesada who will continue to work for the publisher as the Chief Creative Officer in the Entertainment Division. Alonso promised that his reign would build off of Quesada's long tenure as Editor in Chief, starting with the crossover event "Spider-Man and MJ Get Remarried with Millions of Mutants and a Non-Batshit Crazy Scarlet Witch in Attendance".

DC announced a new Red Lantern series spinning out of the Green Lantern franchise. Finally, I get my dream comic of watching a cat puke blood for twenty pages all over people's faces.

Four out of the six numbers used in the infamous LOST number sequence were picked at random in this week's multistate Powerball lottery. The lucky winners won six years of build up but no payoff.

The Comics: (Spoilers, FYI)

Comic of the Week: Who is Jake Ellis #1 narrowly wins over 27 #2 and Thanos Imperative: Devastation. It takes balls to make your imaginary friend watch you screw a French waitress.

captironmanhug_copy_copy
"I'm sorry, Steve." "Shhh, just hug it out bitch."


Moment of the Week: Iron Man and Captain America hug it out in Avengers Prime #5. If only Civil War could have been solved with hugs instead of Bill Foster's death.


Surprise of the Week: JSA All-Stars #14. This gets a win just for the cameo of Hourman III, last seen in JSA #66 seven years ago. Everything else is still mediocre.



Worst Comic of the Week: Steel #1. When's the last time Steel was featured in a comic and didn't get his ass beat? 52? Maybe? At least he didn't die, despite what the rabble-rousers say.
superboyhaircut
Worst Haircut of the Week:  Simon Valentine from Superboy #3


Worst Character of the Week: Wolverine (in Avengers: Children Crusade #4). Wolverine really is not the best at what he does: Four pages of promising to stab Wanda Maximoff while she's lying at his mercy and not a single claw popped. Canadians are all sizzle and no bacon.

Other comics of note:
27 #2: Any comic that uses Outhouse reviews in press releases deserves all the praise that it can get. The fact that it's pretty spectacular helps too.

Thanos Imperative: Devastation: Featuring the Team with Too Many Hammers, Devastation sets up the next Cosmic event which much aplomb. I'm already wondering which one of the Annihilators will be the next toy taken off the table by Abnett and Lanning.

Brightest Day #17: Not-Deadman takes Dove and his grandfather for a ride. Boosh.

X-Factor #213. Peter David shuffles the cast again, replacing the mutant Darwin with the troll Pip. Peter David says plenty of clever stuff in the book so I won't here.

Hello... (New Characters):  Garbageman. Ironic that a character made of trash debuts in a comic made up of trash.

Goodbye... (Dead Characters): No actual fatalities, but Steel's dignity might have taken a deadly blow...

(Edit: Supposedly Arana/New Spider-Girl's dad died in Spider-Girl #2. I have no clue how I missed such an important and devastating death)

Quote of the Week:
"Isn't he seeing someone back on Earth?" Tony Stark, bastion of monogamy and faithfulness, in reference to Steve Roger's tongue down some she-elf's throat. 

Everything Else (Musings and whatnot):

The first week of 2010 featured Siege #1 as the big comic of the week. Not only do neither of the Big Two have a blockbuster book coming out this week, neither will have anything comparable until at least March. However, DC (and Marvel to a lesser extent) have rolled back the prices of their books to the $2.99. It'll be interesting to see how things play out although I wouldn't be surprised if DC's price rollback isn't rewarded with stronger sales.  However, DC did just claim their first major victory in over twenty years by beating Marvel in the dollar share market, so who knows?

Both DC and Marvel have extensive marketing for upcoming miniseries/story arcs in the backs of their books. While Marvel's Age of X looks a little interesting (alternate reality stories have always worked out well for the X-Men), the DC Legends online miniseries looks....weak. Luckily, DC is about to rake in the cash on other aspects of the DC Legends videogame, so I'm guessing this is an afterthought. After all, with the three years of hype surrounding this game, is there anyone who hasn't heard of it?


Next Week:
Idiot's Guide reviews The Green Hornet, says goodbye to Thor: The Mighty Avenger, and covers everything you need to know about Green Lantern in 200 words or less!

Written or Contributed by: BlueStreak

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About the Author - Christian Hoffer


Christian Hoffer is the exasperated Abbott to the Outhouse's Costello. When he's not yelling at the Newsroom for upsetting readers or complaining to his wife about why the Internet is stupid, he sits in his dingy business office trying to find new ways to make the site earn money. Hoffer is also the only person in history stupid enough to moderate two comic book forums at once.

 


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