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Idiot's Guide Weekly: Characters We Don't Care About Seeing in the DCU

Written by Christian Hoffer on Tuesday, June 21 2011 and posted in Columns

IGW lists the characters no one cares about seeing in the DCnU!  Plus news, reviews and more!


Welcome to a weekly column summarizing the good, the bad and the ugly that occurred throughout the week in comics. With fifty billion websites covering all the minutia of the comic industry and dozens of comics hitting the shelves, it's about time that someone has the stones to take it all in and regurgitate it like a mother bird to her chicks.   Idiot's Guide Weekly will cover pertinent news, the best and worst comics of the week, and anything else worth mentioning in a jovial and mocking manner.   So enjoy it while it's fresh: Idiot's Guide Weekly aims to please.

The News

Top News Story of the Week: Green Lantern didn't do too hot in the box office. Experts blamed the mediocre opening and horrid reviews to a small comic book website's forum, saying that a European hooligan and his internet clique had ruined the movie for everyone. No word yet on which website these experts were referring to.

Marvel announced last week that they'd be cancelling Uncanny X-Men in November and replacing it with two titles: Wolverine and the X-Men and Uncanny X-Men. When asked why Marvel was cancelling one series called Uncanny X-Men in favor of a title with the same name and new numbering, Axel Alonso responded "We do first issues now. First issues are cool." Curiously, Alonso was spotted wearing a fez around Marvel offices and muttering about something being bigger on the inside, which presumably referred to Tom Brevoort's beard.

DC held a retailer summit in LA this weekend to answer questions about the upcoming line revamp. When a retailer brought up the fact that they were losing sales due to the relaunch, DC Senior VP Sales Bob Wayne told the retailer he was not doing his job. Based on DC's pathetic sales figures and their consistent second place finishes to Marvel in the sales charts, neither was Bob Wayne.

Characters No One Cares About Seeing in the DCnU: An IGW Feature

Comic book websites love to post lists.  Sometime these lists are awesome, like a comprehensive international poll ranking the top villains or creative teams.  Sometimes they're not, like when a site lists the hairiest characters residing in a company's univserse. 

Recently, everyone has been posting lists about the DC Revamp, more popularly known around here as the DCnU.  These lists feature characters that websites wish would appear in the DCU or titles they think won't sell.

For all the hubbub about what is and isn't appearing in the DCnU (because let's face it, jumping to conclusions about books that won't be released for another three months is totally cool), IGW noticed something missing, namely a list that no one gives a crap about.  We've started the list below and will add to the list when we see suggestions that are deserving of entered the hallowed halls of an IGW column. 

1)   Air Wave

airwaveHarold Jordan was the cousin of Hal Jordan with the ability to transmute into energy and appeared for a time as a supporting character in Green Lantern and Action Comics. With the return of the DCnU, chances are we won't be seeing Air Wave's return as the Jordan family has enough members with one-dimensional personalities and vague power set.

2)   Hawkgirl

Shiera Hall, Kendra Saunders, it doesn't really matter. Hawkman's simply more popular when he's bashing villains' heads with his mace than getting all consternated about if Hawkgirl going to die and get reincarnated....again.

3)   Congorilla

Raise your hand if you want to see a talking gorilla in the DCU. Now put it down if you consider yourself to be the lord of the monkeys.

4)   Conner Hawke

Did you forget that Green Arrow had a twenty-something son? It's okay, so did DC. Chances are blonde Buddhist monks won't be popping up anytime soon in Star City...or anywhere else for that matter.

atomsmasher5)   Atom Smasher

The one thing I'm looking forward to about the lack of a JSA in the DCnU is that we won't have to deal with Atom Smasher's creepy macking on a seventeen year old.

6)   Herald

One of DC's first black superheroes, it looks like the DCnU just doesn't have room with a guy who can create interdimensional portals with his horn.  Apperantly there's also a new Herald which was named after our most famous TVTropes employee, which probably also won't make the cut.

7)   Plastic Man

I'll be honest, I was more than a little surprised to see that he's appeared in a comic book in the last five years. I was even more shocked to discover that I actually owned some of these issues. Honestly, Plastic Man sort of sucks unless he's written by Grant Morrison.

Feel free to add your submission in the comments.  Bonus points for originality and willingness to pick fights with other posters about their choices.

The Book of Mammon: Good Superhero Movies

Mammon has two submissions this week. The first is about a good superhero movie. The second is about Green Lantern.

In honor of the Green Lantern movie coming out I decided to do a review on a Super Hero Movie.

The movie is, of course, The Incredibles.

This Pixar movie is just to darn funny. I hadn't seen it for a few years but this movie is just fantastic.

"HONEY!? WHERE DID YOU PUT MY SUPER SUIT??"

I just couldn't stop laughing at like ever scene. But sadly, this movie didn't and dosn't get the recognition that it should. It looks great, the dialogue is second to none and the movie has some of my favorite one liners ever.

"WE'LL GET THERE WHEN WE GET THERE!" *Happy Father's Day*

If either DC or Marvel want to make a good Super Hero movie they need look no further than Incredibles.

10/10 movie.

Meanwhile, here's the Green Lantern review he submitted.

Overall I thought Green Lantern was good. I was expecting much less from a comic book film.

The Pros:
-Hector Hammond, the character has a lot of passion and is well acted. He also gets the funniest scene in the film when trying to talk to Carol at a party.

-Sinestro, his character is built up well for what I'm praying to the gods will be an excellent sequel. (IGW Editor Note: Agreed)

-Tomar Re, he might be the best part of the movie, his voice fits the character perfectly. (IGW Editor Note: Agreed)

-The fight scenes are not over the top or lengthy, which I'm thankful for. However, the sword fight seemed a bit out of place. (IGW Editor Note: I agree. I find sword fights to be off-putting in space movies. Star Wars sucked due to all the sword fights in them.)

- The plot moves at a nice pace, with only one scene I can remembering being bored with (a long Hal/Carol scene) but apart from that, good speed. (IGW Editor Note: It should be noted that Mammon is also entertained by chasing his shadow across the walls of my apartment or getting into a staring contest with my Patrick Swayze cutout)

- You can see the mark Johns left on the film, very similar to Secret Origins. (IGW Editor Note: Agreed...at least about it being obvious that Johns was involved with the film. I'll leave whetther that's a pro or a con to you....)

The Cons:
- A lot of focus on the love story between Hal and Carol. The plot just gets run into the ground by the end of the film. I get it, Carol feels bad because Hal bailed on her. (IGW Editor Note: Agreed)

- Some of the light constructs were annoying, NO GIANT CAROL FARRIS, so thats a plus at least. (IGW Editor Note: Mammon likes his constructs small, bland and disappointing, which explains why Hal's his favorite Green Lantern)

- Hal's outfit CGI is bad in some shots. (IGW Editor Note: Not as bad as some of the flying scenes)

- Wraps up a little too fast and too neat for my taste. (IGW Editor Note: Agreed)
- We are told Abin Sur is the greatest lantern, but we never really see it... a mistake I think. (IGW Editor Note: Agreed)

This movie is a character film, and I think it does well with regards to that. Hector Hammond and Hal are both given enough face time for us, the viewer, to feel for them. Yea, too much time is spent with Carol, but the scenes on Oa make up for the love story. The extra bits for us comic readers were also a nice touch, seeing Bzzd put a smile on my face.

I give Green Lantern a 7/10.

While the movie is no Batman Begins or Dark Knight, it's leaps and bounds above X-men Last Stand or... Spider man 3... omg, that movie was awful.

The Comics (There Be Spoilers Below!):

Moment of the Week: Avengers Tower falls....again. (Avengers #14) I'm totally stunned by the destruction of Avengers Tower during a major event. Stunned, I say.

Comic of the Week: Ruse #4: I'll be honest, this week was a terribly disappointing week for comics. This was one of the few comics that actually delivered.

Surprise of the Week: Batgirl #22: I really wish this book wasn't disappearing come September and being replaced by a redhead non-cripple.

Body Count of the Week: Grodd of War #1: Sean Ryan has a really twisted mind. This almost makes me want to read more about talking gorillas. Almost.

Lesbian Sex Alert: Cinderella: Fables are Forever #5. I had pegged Wonder Woman and the Furies as my best chance to see some girl on girl action. Imagine my surprise when this book got the nod instead.

Other comics of note:

Avengers Academy #14: Decent story, not so great art. Even the cover art was a mess.

Supergirl #65: I'm convinced that Chriscross has never seen a human face express emotion before. This entire book looks like a string of caricatures from one of those struggling artists employed by an amusement park.

Avengers Academy #14.1: I like Norman Osborn Jr. (not to be confused with the actual Norman Jr.). He's a little ass. I look forward to him getting shanked.

Uncanny X_Men #538: There is now a Breakworld ghetto in San Francisco. Jude, you've been warned.

Fear Itself: Youth in Revolt #2: By far the finest of the event tie-ins of the week.

Invincible Iron Man #505: Tony Stark may soon be taking a plunge back into the bubbly world of Alcoholland. It's always surprised me that Tony has never fallen off of the wagon in years. Also, Detroit Steel died, which I accept without question as Matt Fraction apologizing for creating the stupid character in the first place.

Everything Else (Musings and whatnot)

I have entered into a bet over whether the new Batgirl series can last twenty-four issues. I think it will. Zechs thinks it won't.

No scans this week.  I had to make a choice between printing invitations or using the printer to find funny pictures in comic books.  Guess which won?

I only have seven weeks til my wedding. Apologies if some of these seem rushed. Last week I was trying to salvage my reception, this week I was fixing my invitations. Next week, I'll probably be picking out new tuxes or something like that. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to my honeymoon in an undisclosed Midwestern city.
 
Next Week: The Winners of the 2011 Halfway There Awards

Written or Contributed by: BlueStreak

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About the Author - Christian Hoffer


Christian Hoffer is the exasperated Abbott to the Outhouse's Costello. When he's not yelling at the Newsroom for upsetting readers or complaining to his wife about why the Internet is stupid, he sits in his dingy business office trying to find new ways to make the site earn money. Hoffer is also the only person in history stupid enough to moderate two comic book forums at once.

 


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