Wednesday, September 2, 2015 • Evening Edition • "Assholes welcome."
Sitcom Shocker:

Sitcom Shocker: "Full House" Reboot to be Grim and Gritty

By Jude Terror in News with Benefits on August 28, 2014

Warner Bros. is considering a reboot of the beloved TV show, but fans might be alarmed by the questionable creative team set to produce it.

Jessica Chastain Blasts Marvel for Lack of Female Superhero Film Starring Scarlett Johansson

Jessica Chastain Blasts Marvel for Lack of Female Superhero Film Starring Scarlett Johansson

By Jude Terror in News with Benefits on August 27, 2014

The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby star wants to know: "Where is the Scarlett Johansson superhero movie?"

RUMOR: Jeremy Renner to be Replaced by More Handsome Actor as Hawkeye in Avengers: Age of Ultron

RUMOR: Jeremy Renner to be Replaced by More Handsome Actor as Hawkeye in Avengers: Age of Ultron

By ThanosCopter in News with Benefits on August 27, 2014

Or at least, that's what this totally taken out of context picture leads us to believe.

BREAKING: Photographic Evidence That Previously Announced Cast Members Are Appearing on Daredevil

BREAKING: Photographic Evidence That Previously Announced Cast Members Are Appearing on Daredevil

By ThanosCopter in News with Benefits on August 27, 2014

CLICKBAIT, CLICKBAIT, CLICKBAIT!!!!

Everybody at Archie Comics Suing Everybody Else

Everybody at Archie Comics Suing Everybody Else

By Jude Terror in News with Benefits on August 27, 2014

Every single employee at the comic book publisher has filed a lawsuit against every other employee.

RUMOR: WB Bans All Humor, Levity, Frivolity, Triviality, Jokes and Guffaws from DC Superhero Films

RUMOR: WB Bans All Humor, Levity, Frivolity, Triviality, Jokes and Guffaws from DC Superhero Films

By ThanosCopter in News with Benefits on August 27, 2014

The studio also reportedly punched a puppy in the face this morning, just to see it cry.

DC to Prep Next Generation of Comics Journalists with New Lois Lane Young Adult Novel by Gwenda Bond

DC to Prep Next Generation of Comics Journalists with New Lois Lane Young Adult Novel by Gwenda Bond

By Jude Terror in News with Benefits on August 26, 2014

Hopefully this new generation will learn to respect their craft and avoid journalistic pitfalls like saying mean things about DC Comics.

Marvel Filling Office With Post-It Notes Reminding Selves Not to Have Milo Manara Draw Cover to Rumored New Jean Grey Book

Marvel Filling Office With Post-It Notes Reminding Selves Not to Have Milo Manara Draw Cover to Rumored New Jean Grey Book

By Jude Terror in News with Benefits on August 26, 2014

The company is taking precautionary measures to avoid accidentally turning a rumored new book about the underage character into a softcore porn comic.

Zack Snyder Subjects Two Batman vs. Superman Stars to Cold Water Torture, Films the Whole Sick Thing

Zack Snyder Subjects Two Batman vs. Superman Stars to Cold Water Torture, Films the Whole Sick Thing

By ThanosCopter in News with Benefits on August 26, 2014

Presumably, the two stars were punished for smiling too much on set.

Dead Snow: Red vs. Dead

Dead Snow: Red vs. Dead

By Zechs in News with Benefits on August 26, 2014

The sequel Zechs did nazi coming spears him hard thru a table at its US Premiere at Wizard World Chicago 2014 during the con's Bruce Campbell Horror Film festival.

BREAKING: Moderately Known White Actor May Be Cast as Lead in Marvel Film

BREAKING: Moderately Known White Actor May Be Cast as Lead in Marvel Film

By ThanosCopter in News with Benefits on August 26, 2014

Already, people are praising Marvel for their bold decision.

Donald Glover to Finally Play the Spider-Man We Deserve

Donald Glover to Finally Play the Spider-Man We Deserve

By ThanosCopter in News with Benefits on August 26, 2014

Okay, it's just for the Ultimate Spider-Man TV show, but still.

Chris Hemsworth to Join Cast of Vacation Reboot?

Chris Hemsworth to Join Cast of Vacation Reboot?

By Jude Terror in News with Benefits on August 25, 2014

He's in talks to play Audrey Griswold's husband in the movie, which relaunches the Vacation franchise for a new generation.

Marvel to Release Deadpool 75th Anniversary Variants Because There Are Mindless Assholes Out There Who Like Deadpool

Marvel to Release Deadpool 75th Anniversary Variants Because There Are Mindless Assholes Out There Who Like Deadpool

By ThanosCopter in News with Benefits on August 25, 2014

And people will buy them because people suck.

Game of Thrones Director Neil Marshall Wants to Make a Black Widow Movie

Game of Thrones Director Neil Marshall Wants to Make a Black Widow Movie

By Jude Terror in News with Benefits on August 25, 2014

He mentioned it in an interview, and now the internet will do our best to make it come true.

Chloe Moretz is Done With Hit Girl Because You're a Bunch of No Good Stinking Pirates

Chloe Moretz is Done With Hit Girl Because You're a Bunch of No Good Stinking Pirates

By Jude Terror in News with Benefits on August 25, 2014

The Kick-Ass actress also shared her thoughts on female superheroes in movies.

Lizard-Themed Cyber Terrorists Fight American Imperialism With DDOS Attack on Sony Playstation Network

Lizard-Themed Cyber Terrorists Fight American Imperialism With DDOS Attack on Sony Playstation Network

By Jude Terror in News with Benefits on August 25, 2014

We are not making anything about this story up.

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