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Archie Comics: Marvel and DC Scare Children

Written by Jude Terror on Friday, July 27 2012 and posted in News with Benefits
Archie Comics: Marvel and DC Scare Children

Archie comics has been talking some trash about Marvel DC. Oooohhh! Fight! Fight!

Source: Newsarama

In an interview on Newsarama pimping The Crusaders, a blatant Avengers rip-off, Archie president Mike Pellerito was allegedly "running his mouth" about Marvel and DC, and how their comics are scary and inappropriate for children.

"New Crusaders is like that. I wouldn't necessarily put it in front of an Archie reader," said Pellerito, implying that the average Archie reader is too mature and discerning for dumb-ass superhero comics, "but I wouldn't be horrified if an Archie reader read it, the way I might if they picked up one of those modern Marvel or DC books that kind of scare me, that I don't want to leave out with my kids around the house."

"What the fuck?" we imagine Marvel head honcho Joe Quesada to have responded. "Why doesn't he come and say that our face?"

Quesada, an overweight but intimidating man, began pacing around the room, clearly agitated, stripping off his outer shirt to reveal a sweaty tank top, and then thumping his chest with both fists. "I'm talking about respect, you know? You don't talk shit like that behind a guy's back, not if you're a man."

In that same fantasy, Dan Didio, the mustachioed chief of DC Comics, said that "someone's looking to get fucked up." Didio punched a wall. "Dan Didio ain't nothin' to fuck with." We are pretty sure he had been drinking.

"Mike Pellerito knows where we're at," said Didio. "We ain't hard to find. He can come at us any day, and time, and he'll get fucked up. What?!"

"Yeah!" added a shirtless Christian Bale, who appears in all this reporter's fantasies for reasons we don't care to discuss.

"He'll be eating through a straw for the rest of his life," said Mark Waid, who just likes to fight.

Pellerito, since making the comments, has not been heard from, and it is believed that he may be "scared like a little girl."

The Outhouse will keep readers up to date on this breaking story.


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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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