The comics publisher has finally gained rights to the ultimate nostalgia property: your childhood memories.
Having already secured the rights to Ghostbusters, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Battle Beasts, GI Joe, Transformers and Godzilla, IDW has won the ultimate prize in nostalgia comics. Today, Chris Ryall announced in a press release that it had secured the rights to publish a comic book based on your childhood.
“I’m very pleased to announce that IDW has secured the publishing the rights to your childhood from your parents,” Ryall told comic journalists. “We’ve already begun working on several new comics based around our newest franchise that are simply must reads for anyone who has arrested development, which is approximately 99.99998% of comic book readers today.”
IDW has long been associated with nostalgia comics, having produced quality licensed books for many years. GI Joe and TMNT have both received critical acclaim and Godzilla has spawned a number of spin-offs and miniseries hungrily gobbled up by those who remembered watching the famed kaiju on late night television.
“Fans of their childhood will be pleased with our adaptation, I think,” said Ryall. “We promise that it will be both close to the original source material while taking it bold new directions that you never expected. There won’t be any abusing or raping of your childhood by us. We’ll leave that to the other guys,” he added with a laugh.
Insiders at IDW explained that the publisher had long sought rights to your childhood, but negotiations had been hampered several times, forcing the publisher to go after secondary properties based on the action figures you played with as a kid. However, negotiations unexpectedly resumed after your conservative parents had caught wind of Marvel and DC’s public dalliances with “the gays”, which eliminated them from competition.
Ryall admitted that there were a few minor changes requested by the licensee. “Your father will be far funnier than he ever was in reality and your mother will be twenty pounds skinnier,” Ryall explained. “It’s not the weirdest thing we’ve ever had to abide by and I don’t think it will affect our ability to tell a good story.”
We fully expect the comic to be embraced by those who loved their childhood while the rest of us realize what a dull and listless story the original was.
Your Childhood #1 will be released in December, written by David Lapham with art by someone you’ve never heard of.