With the Avengers 2 release date announced for May 1, 2015, studios are scrambling to schedule shitty movies later in May, so that Avengers can be blamed for their failure.
Marvel's The Avengers, directed by Joss Whedon and released earlier this year, was one of the most successful movies of all time, grossing $1.46 billion and reigning on top of the charts for 3 weeks, but that wasn't the only benefit Hollywood saw from the film. Universal's Battleship, which debuted three weeks after the Avengers but only made $25 million in it's opening weekend, was able to easily blame it's abysmal performance on the success of The Avengers, taking the heat off of moronic studio executives who thought making a big budget movie about a stupid board game was a good idea.
If there's one thing Hollywood can count on, it's that if something works, it will work again and again and again and again, and can then be rebooted and work yet again. With that in mind, studios are looking at the films on the docket for the next few years and looking to schedule the worst ones in May 2015.
"Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is scheduled for release in 2014," said a hopeful Fox executive, "but we're looking into having it pushed back. We had originally hoped to mask the epic failure that Apes is likely to be with the success of Amazing Spider-Man 2, but Avengers is really the holy grail of shitty movie excuses."
The Outhouse also reached out for comment to Universal, which is planning a spiritual follow-up to Battleship with a Stretch Armstrong movie starring Twilight hunk Taylor Lautner. They replied, "will lightning strike the same place twice? We certainly hope so. Getting two big budget but ill-conceived films right behind an Avengers movie release would be a dream come true."
The opportunity to have a major movie fail in the wake of The Avengers 2 may be so irresistable, it could actually be the catalyst for making bad movies in the first place. "We haven't done anything in a while," said the Wayans Brothers. "All of a sudden, we're feeling pretty inspired." The increase in production of shitty movies has also given new hope to fans hoping for a comeback for fallen stars like Jim Carrey and Mike Myers. The Love Guru 2, anyone?
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