All EA wanted to do was encourage fans of its Medal of Honor games to purchase real guns like the ones used in the game. IS THAT SO WRONG?!
Controversy erupted yesterday when video game company Electronic Arts entered into a partnership with weapons manufacturers in order to promote its Medal of Honor: Warfighter brand of tactical first person shooters. As part of the new campaign, EA adorned the Warfighter website with links to the sites of the weapons manufacturers who create and sell the guns, knives, and other implements of death featured in their games. Civil-minded, law-abiding citizens who live in places that aren't fascist liberal police states could, after clicking through the links, actually purchase some of these weapons. The purpose of the campaign, of course, was to cement the realistic brand identity of Medal of Honor: Warfighter, and to "support veterans." Putting killing tools in the hands of video gamers, known for their maturity and calm, rational temperaments ,was simply a side benefit.
We know what you're thinking: this was a fantastic idea that was totally appropriate! What could possibly go wrong?!
Well, according to some, a lot. As it turns out, some people are not exactly comfortable with the idea of taking a pastime that glorifies war and killing and then enabling players to reenact their on-screen adventures in real life. After complaints and outrage from the liberal media, the links were removed and the campaign terminated, as America's founding fathers like George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Arnold Schwarzenegger rolled over in their graves.
Plugging in our headsets, we signed onto X-Box Live to seek comments from gamers over in-game voice chat, but, unfortunately, we were just called "f*****s" and "n*****s" over and over again by squeaky twelve-year-olds. We're sure, however, that these boys were just upset, and, given time to calm down and compose themselves, perhaps after masturbating to Japanese cartoons, these thoughtful and intelligent individuals would likely have explained that video gamers are perfectly capable of separating fiction from reality.
Regardless, this perfect marriage of games and guns was cut short too soon, as EA backpedaled faster than this reporter after being crucified by feminist bloggers, issuing the following statement to Gamespot:
After listening to feedback from the community and reviewing our program for supporting veterans, we have withdrawn the BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.
The Outhouse would just like EA to know that, unlike our squeamish colleagues in the media, we fully support them and look forward to future efforts at cross promotion, such as showing us where to get our hands on those sweet flaming axes from Dragon Age 2. That would be cool.
Please don't shoot us.
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