Angry bloggers took to the keyboards to express their feelings about the announced relationship.
Source: ThanosCopter Newswire
DC found itself at the center of a new viral controversy this week when it announced that Superman and Wonder Woman would be engaging in a relationship in the pages of Justice League. DC expected some controversy with the news, especially from bloggers upset that Wonder Woman, the most prominent superheroine in the world, had been reduced to a romantic paramour for another character. However, bloggers surprised the company when bloggers took umbrage for entirely different reasons.
"Superman?!" said prominent fictional nerd blogger Nikki Armada. "If Wonder Woman's going to lower herself to become an object for a man, it would only be for Batman."
Fans across the Internet have expressed outrage that Wonder Woman chose Superman over fellow Trinity member Batman. Many sites quickly pointed out why the two heroes would make a better pair than the Wonder Woman/Superman relationship.
"Batman shares Wonder Woman's warrior spirit," said tumblr user Bruceanddianaforever. "And he does a great job keeping her grounded in a foreign world. Not to mention that black is far, far sexier than Kryptonian battle armor. Besides, Superman probably has weird Kryptonian sex positions that provide no pleasure for women whatsoever. Bunch of alien puritans."
Other fans also pointed out that the "Timm-verse" animated cartoons, long considered the best representation of DC's various characters, also paired up Batman and Wonder Woman, an obvious sign that it was the correct pairing. Greg Rucka, writer of the second-best Wonder Woman run in the last twenty years also hinted at a Batman/Wonder Woman romance.
DC did not know how to react to the controversy. "I had several statements prepared about how DC respects women," said DC head honcho Dan Didio. "But I literally don't know what to say about that."
Didio promised that future issues would help address the controversy. "Superman is every bit Wonder Woman's equal in a romantic relationship. He even knows three different sex positions : missionary, missionary while flying, and missionary in space. I'm sure that Wonder Woman would appreciate that more than some guy with a damaged past and who likes to wear a fetish suit."
However, many DC fans were not convinced. "I've come to terms with DC's inability to see females as anything other than objects of desire," Armada explained. "But for the love of God, have they not read Fifty Shades of Grey? Poorly written male characters with damaged pasts and weird sexual fetishes is what's in right now! It's like they actively want to drive sales away by using female characters as one dimensional sex objects and putting them with characters that aren't even fun to imagine naked. Ugh."
At the end of the day, many fans were skeptical about DC's ability to not screw this up. "Superman and Wonder Woman work much better as friends," said Richard, a surprisingly well adjusted DC Comics fan. "Introducing a poorly thought out relationship just seems stupid and a waste of time."
Note: The above article is satire. All quotes are made up and any resemblences to real people (except for Dan Didio, whom our fictional version looks like exactly) is coincidental.
Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook
Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
About the Author - ThanosCopter
ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.
More articles from ThanosCopter