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DC Editorial Team Releases Multiple Rewritten Responses to Rob Liefeld’s Twitter Attacks

DC Editorial Team Releases Multiple Rewritten Responses to Rob Liefeld’s Twitter Attacks

DC’s editors released several hastily rewritten statements disputing the angry creator’s claims.



Source: 100% Made Up. Do not take a single word of this as the truth.
 

Note: The following is satire.  If you are offended by mocking the fact that a prominent creator just said his ex-editor had a small penis, please click away now. 

Yesterday was the fourth Wednesday of a month, meaning that in addition to new comic books, fanboys also got to enjoy Rob Liefeld quitting all of his DC books for a fourth time.

Liefeld, known for his tact and respectful communication skills notified his fans of his departure via twitter.  Over the next couple hours, Mr. Liefeld calmly answered fans' questions about his departure while maintaining his legendary level of couth and honor, inspiring DC to send out the following press release touting Liefeld’s hard work and dedication to the New 52 project.

DC Comics was saddened to learn of Rob Liefeld’s public resignation.  However, we thank him for his service and his contributions to making the New 52 a success.

Unfortunately, Liefeld's twitter account soon began to spew out a constant stream of bile and venom concerning DC's constant editorial interference, repeated re-writes of completed scripts and disparaging remarks about some of the editorial staff's manhoods.  While it's believed that Liefeld, the four time winner of the EXTREME Studio Classy Guy Award, must have been hacked, the claims forced a series of constant re-writes on DC’s part as they tried to keep up with the near-libelous claims.

A new press release was sent out with the following.

DC Comics was saddened to learn of Rob Liefeld’s public resignation and subsequent airing of grievances against our company.  In addition, we were shocked to hear of several false statements spread by the creator and would like to set the record straight.

It is our professional opinion that all of our editor’s genitalia are of acceptable size and thickness.

In the past, our company has sat idly by while gross falsehoods about our stances on gender equality and racism has created unnecessary heartache amongst our employees and fanbase.  We wanted to quickly set the record straight and correct any misunderstandings before things got out of hand.

Thank you,

DC’s Editorial Team  

Moments later, editorial in-fighting and oneupmanship led to another press release being sent out with the following revisions and last minute rewrites.

 DC Comics was saddened to learn of Rob Liefeld’s public resignation and subsequent airing of grievances against our company as he sat watching that craptacular movie Expendables 2.  In addition, we were shocked to hear of several incredibly false statements spread by the creator that probably secretly refer to himself and would like to set the record straight  prominently gay.  

It is our professional opinion that all of our editor’s genitalia are of acceptable size and thickness.  In fact, several employees have commented about how extremely large and awesome they all are. During the Holidays last year, some racy artwork was circulated at the company Christmas party of Stephanie Brown an adult Barbara Gordon in her underwear, and not a single editor was able to stand up. [Editor's Note: How old is Barbara nowadays?  Might be skeevy. - DD]

In the past, our company has sat idly by while gross falsehoods about our stances on gender equality and racism have created unnecessary heartache amongst our employees and fanbase.  We wanted to quickly set the record straight and correct any misunderstandings before things got out of hand. 

Thank you,

DC's Editorial Team

 

It seems however, that DC's editors simply could not make up their minds. Within a half hour, the press release was rewritten again:

DC Comics was saddened to learn of Rob Liefeld’s public resignation and subsequent airing of grievances against our company as he sat masturbating to that awful movie Expendables 2.  In addition, we were shocked to hear of several incredibly false and malicious falsehoods spread by the EXTREME hack openly refer to himself and would like to set the record straight prominently gay straight and in a relationship with Superman.  Also, Rob Liefeld sucks.   [Editor's Note: Changed to reflect newest blatant media grab - DD]

It is our professional opinion that all of our editor’s genitalia are of acceptable size and thickness.  In fact, several employees have commented about how extremely large and awesome they all are.  The head editors have the largest and the associate editors, while smaller, are also satisfactory.  [Editor's Note: Remember, you work for me.  Press release should reflect that. - DD]

During the Holidays last year, some racy artwork was circulated at the company Christmas party of Barbara Gordon Superman's girlfriend Wonder Woman in her underwear/normal outfit, and not a single editor was able to stand up due to their obviously heightened sense of arousal combined with impressive genitalia size.  [Editor's Note: Needs more limbs getting chopped off - DD] 

We’re planning several crossovers between all the genitals. Female editors have opted out of this crossover, commenting, "Per usual, you idiots are doing your thinking with the wrong head," but we are unconvinced that such a thing would be a detriment, considering the size and magnificence of said organs.

In the past, our company has sat idly by while gross falsehoods about our stances on gender equality and racism has created unnecessary heartache amongst our employees and fanbase.  We wanted to quickly set the record straight and correct any misunderstandings before things got out of hand.

Thank you,

DC’s Editorial Team

The Outhouse, at this point, cannot be sure that DC considers this the final revision of their press release, but, in order to preserve our sanity, we're going to have to publish it now. Stay tuned to the Outhouse, which will be monitoring Rob Liefeld's Twitter 24/7 for a response.






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About the Author - ThanosCopter


ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.
 

 


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