Friday, April 27, 2018 • Midnight Edition • "Good enough for government work!"

CGC Announces New Nerd Grading Program

Written by ThanosCopter on Friday, August 24 2012 and posted in News with Benefits

CGC Announces New Nerd Grading Program

The company, in conjunction with Wizard, announced a new grading service to help separate true nerds from poseurs.

Source: ThanosCopter Newswire

The last year or so has been marred with a number of controversies in which the "nerd cred" of various fans and attendees of comic book conventions, many of whom are female, have been questioned.  In response to the outburst, Certified Guaranty Comics, the company behind the wildly successful CGC grading program, announced that it was starting a new program designed to provide an objective measurement for nerdiness across the nation. 

The company announced that it would begin offering its "Nerd Grading" service at Wizard Comic Book Conventions starting this fall.  

CGC hoped that it would solve a lot of recent issues within nerd culture.  "There's been lots of talk about who counts as a nerd and who doesn't," said John Castkill, director of Fake Marketing at CGC.  "Now we have a totally legitimate way to bilk people out of more money...I mean, provide some objective closure."

The company began researching its new program as a response to demand from fans.  "We've discovered that many fans are anxious to clear their names from allegations of poseuring," said Castkill.  "Likewise, there's even more fans who simply can't wait to drag a booth babe to our graders so that their fake geekiness can be exposed for all the world to see. We saw an opportunity to make more money, so we took it!" 

The grading process will grade five criteria key to true nerdiness:  knowledge, appearance, disdain of lesser nerds, adherence to well-worn stereotypes and gender.  CGC explained that all nerds would be graded by specially trained, self-certified "nerd experts" each of whom has years of experience separating real nerds from fakes.  "Our nerd experts know the names of all the Doctor's Companions prior to 2005, can point out the 38 glaring inaccuracies in The Avengers and are trained to know the differences between accurate cosplay and cries for attention," said Castkill. 

Wizard World, the convention management company, seemed pleased by the announcement.  "We're always looking for more ways to bring in non-comic related activities and guests into our comic conventions," said Johnny Mullen, Wizard's Hoodwinking and Cheating Chief.  "This seems to be on par with the Situation joining our touring circuit."

The new grading system will be available for only $399 per person.  In addition, a plastic case will be provided in which to encase the graded nerd.  CGC noted that once the case has been opened, the nerd is instantly invalid and that the subject nerd would require regrading to relegitimize the score. 


Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

About the Author - ThanosCopter

ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.


More articles from ThanosCopter
The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!