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Grant Morrison Lobbying for Doping Charges to Wipe Credit from Final Crisis

Written by Jude Terror on Friday, August 24 2012 and posted in News with Benefits
Grant Morrison Lobbying for Doping Charges to Wipe Credit from Final Crisis

After seeing Lance Armstrong get railroaded by the USADA, the celebrated creator is hoping to use the same excuse to relieve himself of responsibility for the abysmal DC comics event.

As football season hasn't started yet, sports fans and news outlets have been spending a lot of time focusing on the developing Lance Armstrong controversy, where Armstrong is being stripped of his seven Tour De France cycling titles based on allegations of "doping," using performance enhancing drugs to win races. While most are outraged at the treatment of Armstrong, an international hero for his athletic achievements and his foundation's work to help victims of cancer, DC superstar writer Grant Morrison sees another opportunity. If Armstrong can be stripped of his achievements for using drugs, why can't Morrison get his name stricken off of some of his not-so-shining achievements in comics for the same reason?

"I was totally fucked up when I wrote Final Crisis," said Morrison in an alternate reality where this article wasn't full of made-up quotes. "Just completely ripped. Marijuana, LSD, bath salts... I did 'em all while writing that. Not my finest moment as a creator, but as a drug user, I was a fucking beast."

Final Crisis is derided by fans and critics as being an incomprehensible clusterfuck that made a bigger mess out of DC continuity than ever before. Like most creators, up until this point, Morrison has had to simply accept the criticism, tarnishing his reputation that includes praise and adulation for such acclaimed works as New X-Men, The Invisibles, The Filth, and Watchmen. The Armstrong situation presents an unprecedented opportunity for Morrison and possibly other revered creators who have inexplicably created one or two complete pieces of shit. Now these creators can control their legacies by expunging the hated works from the record books.

"Look, I was on drugs, so I don't feel comfortable taking responsibility for that," claimed Morrison. "I was a bad boy and I need to be punished. Go ahead and strip the credit away. Look. It's like I never wrote it."

Just as in the Armstrong situation, fans worldwide are rallying in defense of Morrison without checking the facts beforehand, which clearly show that not only was Morrison probably really on drugs while writing the book, but he's not even challenging the accusation. "We fully support Grant Morrison, and the fact that DC Comics would try to strip him of achievements he clearly earned is attrocious. We won't stand for it!" stated Rod Sturgeon, a comics blogger and bony fish. "Leave Grant Morrison alone!"

"No! Stop it!" Morrison responded on Twitter. "I'm guilty! I did it! You're ruining everything!"

DC Comics has not yet released a statement on the controversy, but it is not common practice for comics publishers to drug test employees, as the industry is mostly juvenile and unconcerned with professionalism, so it is unlikely that any proof exists to back up Morrison's claims. "It's not like we can do a hair sample test," quipped Dan Didio, off the record.

The Outhouse will keep readers updated on this situation as it develops. In the meantime, what think you, readers? What other creators could stand to benefit from doping allegations?


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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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