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All New X-Men Covers Reveal the Future of Marvel NOW!

Written by Jude Terror on Wednesday, September 19 2012 and posted in News with Benefits
All New X-Men Covers Reveal the Future of Marvel NOW!

These covers for The Great One Brian Bendis and Stuart Immonen's All New X-Men #3 and #4 can tell us much about the future of Cyclops and Wolverine!

Source: CBR


Marvel released the covers for Bendis and Immonen's All New X-Men #3 and #4 today in an exclusive article on subsidiary ComicBookResources. The covers both focus on Cyclops, the disgraced leader of the X-Men who is worse than Hitler, a character progression that was naturally and subtly built up to during the Avengers vs. X-Men event. On the first cover, Cyclops is walking calmly toward the camera while a vehicle explodes in the background, which could indicate that in All New X-Men, Cyclops has gotten a job in Hollywood starring in action movies. In the second cover, sparks fly as Evil Present-Time Cyclops and Innocent Past-Time Cyclops prepare to make out, pushing Marvel's gay exploitation initiative to a whole new level.
The article on ComicBookResources also included some other juicy tidbits of information, including the revelation that CBR's writers and editors are not aware that a "Battle Royale" consists of more than two people. The CBR article also hints that it's time to start that betting pool on how long it will take present day Wolverine to bang past teen Jean Grey, a Mary Sue moment that many thought impossible due to Jean's previous unfortunate state of unliving.
"A necrophiliac Wolverine would probably alienate some potential readers," commented Axel Alonso, a random stranger interviewed for this article who has absolutely no relation to the Marvel Comics Editor in Chief. "Comparatively, it's not at all creepy for a 146 year old Wolverine to have sexual relations with a barely legal Jean Grey. Puberty doesn't obey the laws of man. Why should Wolverine?"
The love triangle between Jean Grey, Cyclops, and Wolverine is rumored to be the subject of Marvel's next big summer event, planned for 2013, entitled X-Men: Lolita Wars. In the event, Past-Time Teen Cyclops becomes angry at Wolverine for defiling his girlfriend, kicking off a brand new superhero conflict. In order to make sure fans of both characters receive equal opportunity to justify the actions of their heroes in the event, most of Marvel's most popular characters will side with Wolverine, while Maggot, Sabertooth, and Adam X will join cyclops in condemning Wolverine's illicit affair with a 17 year old as disgusting and illegal. In response, the internet will claim that Teen Cyclops' descent into puritan madness has been a long time coming and that Wolverine's cradle-robbing ways make him the clear hero in the whole affair.


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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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