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Wolverine Cancelled Due to Lack of Popularity

Written by ThanosCopter on Wednesday, September 19 2012 and posted in News with Benefits
Wolverine Cancelled Due to Lack of Popularity

Marvel has cancelled the series for a fourth time.

Source: Marvel Solicitations

Marvel announced today that it had cancelled Wolverine for a fourth time, sadly noting that, despite their best efforts, the character simply wasn't popular enough to sustain an ongoing series. "It's sad that a character like Wolverine has no mass appeal," said Marvel editor in chief Axel Alonso. "But in today's day and age, people only want to read comics about edgy and rough characters. And Wolverine's just not that guy anymore."

Indeed, in his most recent series, Wolverine completed his transformation to loner ronin savage to college-educated headmaster, leader of the Marvel Universe, and friend to all of Marvel's popular heroes. In addition, Wolverine's main rival turned into Satan, his main villain came back to life and the love of his life (besides Silver Fox, Mariko, and Squirrel Girl) is about to be resurrected as a teenaged girl which Wolverine will want to bang like a broken drum. Sadly, all these changes have come at a cost: sales of his solo series have plummeted as Wolverine has lost every interesting aspect of his character.

Wolverine's loyal fans are devestated by the news. "I don't understand," sobbed James Logan Howlett, a Wolverine fan who changed his name when he was 18. "Now that Wolverine is the most awesome character ever, I don't understand why everyone doesn't want to read about him! I mean, he's going to get the girl, everyone knows about his noble soul, and his main rival has been thrown in the dirt and pissed on. Everyone should want to read about Wolverine now that he doesn't have any major conflicts!"

Logan James Howlett, another Wolverine fan added, "I've been trying to cut myself with my replica Wolverine claws all morning, but the blades are just too dull.  I just want to feel something again."

There are rumors that Marvel will relaunch a fifth volume of the series with Frank Cho on art duties that will feature Wolverine in the jungle sleeping with dinosaurs and/or Shanna the She-Devil.  However, that seems as likely as Marvel publishing a book featuring different teenaged characters getting killed every issue.  Better to focus on the solo characters that everyone wants to read, like Gambit, Morbius or Red She-Hulk.





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About the Author - ThanosCopter

ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.


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