The publisher will force comic creators to fight for their own sick amusement.
Source: Press Release
(The following is a parody of teaser images sent by Boom! Studios. The actual teaser images are at the bottom of the article)
In a shocking development, California-based Boom! Studios has announced that they're giving up on publishing comics, and will instead focus on pitting comic book creators in gladitorial combat.
"Frankly, this was a long time coming," stated bloodthirsty Editor-in-Chief Matt Gagnon. "We editors always get so sick of creators. They never hit their deadlines, they're always asking for more money, more this, more that...eventually, we just got sick of the whole thing. Making them fight each other is much more satisfying that making them create comics." Bloodsport is an unprecedented move for a comic book publisher, but Gagnon assures us that this is the right thing for the future of Boom!, as there is plenty of fan demand for such an event. "We've rented out the Staples Center, and tickets to our first fight card are selling like crazy. Apparently, comic book fans are a pretty bloodthirsty bunch, which really is no surprise considering the way they behave themselves on internet message boards."
Comic book creators are less enthused by the change in direction for the company. "Aye, I heard 'bout this plan back when I was workin' there, laddie," says comic book penciller/Irish bare knuckle boxer Declan Shalvey, who worked with Boom! back when it was still a comic book publisher. "That's why I got out of there and found a new home at Marvel. Me fightin' days are over." Michael Alan Nelson, a veteran of Boom! Studios, who has written 28 Days Later and Valen the Outcast, is downright terrified. "I'm not a fighter at all. My god, all I want to do is write. Please, get help! They've got me chained in this dungeon until it's my turn to fight. Get me out of here!"
Regardless, Boom! is committed to the idea. "I mean, just think of it. Comic book creators being armed with various weapons, forced to fight each other until one of them dies, while the rest of us get to sit back and watch? It's gonna be great," says Boom! co-founder Ross Richie. "Honestly, this is really why I got into this business."
The company has already announced its first deathmatch, which will be between writer Paul Jenkins and artist Carlos Magno and will take place in December, which, in their promotional material, Boom! is referring to as "Deathcember." Two men will enter, one will leave.