Is there anything that Marvel Comics editor Bill Rosemann can't hype the living crap out of? Nope!
Source: Press Releases
This morning, this reporter was struck by an amazing revelation while reading through the latest press release from Marvel Custom Solutions, a division of Marvel Comics that companies can hire to produce a comic book or other promotional material about their cause or product. Part of the contract with Marvel solutions apparently involves a press release by Marvel hyping the project, and it seems that each of those press release must contractually include exactly one gushing statement from Marvel editor Bill Rosemann, a man who has edited beloved titles like Avengers Academy and the cosmic comics of Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning. Rosemann is the editor in charge of Marvel Custom Solutions, and, as it turns out, a promoter of the highest caliber. Here's what he had to say about the latest MCS product, a poster of Philadelphia Eagles legend Brian Dawkins:
One is the ferocious leader of the legendary X-Men and world-famous star of comic books, cartoons, video games and movies...the other is a nine-time Pro Bowl selection, a six-time All-Pro and a member of the NFL 2000s All-Decade Team...both are the best they are at what they do.
Rosemann is like a genetically engineered amalgam of Stan Lee, Vince McMahon, and P.T. Barnum on performance enhancing drugs. Every time Marvel puts out one of these press releases, it always contains, in the second to last paragraph, a quote from Rosemann, selling the product like it's the greatest thing since sliced bread. The man can hype absolutely anything with gusto. Here's what he had to say about a comic team-up with the Cirque du Soleil:
What’s more jaw-dropping, the majesty of the Imperial Court…the dynamic dance of their martial arts display…the overwhelming might of the invading archer army…the desperate fight for survival in the storm-tossed seas…or the tantalizing glimpses at the future threats that await the Twins?
Fantastic stuff! Here he is on SpyGal, a fashion-inspired superheroine created by Benefit Cosmetics:
Marvel and Benefit both know that humor and intelligence can be a heroes’ greatest strength, especially when faced with life’s modern problems. SpyGal dispenses justice, beauty tips and witty life advice with an effortless grace, while also grappling with work and dating worries. Can SpyGal ever find Mr. Right…or must she sacrifice romance to the demands of her job helping powerful women spread their influence around the world?
Here, the mighty Rosemann extolls the virtues of (at the time) Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow:
Like the Marvel heroes who pull off last minute victories, Tim Tebow has fans around the world on the edge of their seats and believing that--in our own lives--when time is running out and all looks lost, we can dig deep inside and use our various strengths to triumph over insurmountable odds.
Finally, in our favorite Rosemann moment, he hypes a comic about financial responsibility starring The Avengers:
In an uncertain world, understanding how to save and properly budget your hard-earned money is one of the keys to personal success. The Avengers are not only the world's greatest heroes, but they also know a thing or three about financial health. After all, Iron Man hasn't managed his vast wealth of Stark Enterprises by accident, and, as Spider-Man learns in this story, you don't have to be a millionaire to be a saving hero.
It takes enough skill, in the comic book industry, to constantly promote the neverending barrage of event comics and universe shake-ups, but it takes a truly extraordinary talent to be able to apply the same excitement when the comic in question is a Marvel team-up with Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. It's also a tradition in comics, which wouldn't be what they are today if not for the classic carnival barking of Stan Lee himself.
The Outhouse is impressed, and if it sounds like we're being facetious, we aren't. Most corporate press releases designed to sell a product like this would be boring and insincere, but Mr. Rosemann makes them fun to read. We're tempted to start a Kickstarter project to raise money to hire Marvel Custom Solutions to make comic books about real world villains and tragic events. We don't even care about the comics - we just want the single, contractual paragraph from Rosemann from the press releases.
"Marvel comics has always been about explosive action, which is why this new comic about Osama Bin Laden..."
"Marvel comics are famous for always leaving readers hungry for more, just like starvation in Africa..."
"Readers of Marvel comics often find themselves caught up in a tsunami of dramatic superheroics..."
The possibilities are endless. We salute you, Bill Rosemann. You're our superhero.
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