Cartel leaders are refuting predictions that drugs will be in short supply following Grant Morrison's Morrisconcon in Las Vegas last weekend.
Hundreds of free-spirited beatniks and gloomy hipsters descended on the Hard Rock Hotel in Sin City this weekend for Morrisoncon, a convention celebrating the work of comic book creator and wizard of magick Grant Morrison. Morrisoncon, which featured only 10 special guests and sold only 1000 tickets, was purposely designed to be a small and intimate gathering. However, despite the intentionally low attendance, experts estimate that the amount of illicit narcotics consumed at the event easily exceeded what could have been consumed by a much larger crowd at a more traditional stoner gathering, such as a Phish concert or the Democratic National Convention.
The excessive use of substances at the event has created a panic in the illegal drug industry, as suppliers, unprepared for the tremendous appetites of the con-goers, originally planned to supply the event with surplus from the Burning Man festival, which was held in the Nevada desert earlier in the month. However, just hours into the first night of the convention, the drugs had all been used up and con-goers were demanding more.
"I've never seen anything like it," said Frank "The Pinkie" Mozzarella, who works as an enforcer at the hotel at the Hard Rock Hotel. "And I was a roadie for Motley Crue back in the eighties. These people are insane!"
Because of the unexpected demanded, regional drug suppliers were forced to divert traffic from other areas to Las Vegas in order to fill the void, which some experts say could cause severe shortages of hallucinogens and downers throughout the western United States and parts of Canada. Despite these projections, the drug suppliers are denying that customers will even notice the impact.
"I getchu what chu need, mang!" said Julio Sanchez, regional manager for the Juárez Cartel, a major Mexican drug cartel that controls more than half the supply to the region.
Whatever the socio-economic impact the convention had, it is clear that the event was a rousing success, if one measures success in terms of highness. In fact, it is being reported that the convention was host to one of the largest mass-hallucinations experienced this century, as most con-goers left the event believing that Grant Morrison's DC Comics opus Multiversity will be coming out next year, despite the fact that anyone with even the most tentative grip on reality knows that Multiversity will never actually be published. For other news from the convention, check out our summary here.
For those in the coming days suffering from the shortage of narcotics, this reporter is here to help. One solution could be to switch, at least temporarily, to more readily available drugs, like crack cocaine or crystal meth. While the effects are different from the depressive and hallucinogenic high preferred by Morrison's fans, it's better than nothing, and users might even find that they like it. [Editor's Note: The Outhouse does not advocate the use of stimulants or drugs of any kind.] Comic readers who decide to take up the use of crack, however, are cautioned against doing so while reading Rob Liefeld comics, as the drug has been known to fool readers into believing that the story and art inside is competent and enjoyable.