Wolverine Bones His Way Through X-Men 3 Sequel
- Written by GHERU on Thursday, October 25 2012 and posted in News and Satire
Bone Claws and Flashbacks and Japan, Oh My!
Source: New ‘The Wolverine’ Image Features a Bone Claw Flashback
News about Wolverine’s new movie, aptly titled The Wolverine, has been making a splash all over the internet today, and The Outhouse, everyone’s favorite website, is here to collect and mock it for you. Why? Because we care.
First, from slashfilm.com, we have pictures of what appears to be Logan down in a hole flashing bone claws. It’s not apparently clear how bone claws will help Logan get out of the hole or why he is in there, but in an imaginary interview with the film’s director, James Mangold, stated that “there are no plans for Wolverine to fight a Rancor in this film.” Obviously, if we read between the lines, this means that we get to see an epic battle between a bone clawed Wolverine and Jabba’s favorite beast.
Sharing the spotlight with slashfilm.com, blastr.com is reporting that The Wolverine is not a prequel at all, but rather a sequel to the critically acclaimed X-Men 3: The Last Stand with a ton of flashbacks. Again, from The Outhouse’s totally made up interview:
My goal as the director of [The Wolverine] was to follow in the footsteps of another great second installment and make this the Godfather Part 2 of superhero movies. We overloaded the film with so many flashbacks that people will have two whole stories in one film.
The Outhouse was hopeful that at least one these two stories would make any kind of since until we went back to the slashfilm.com interview where they quote Mangold as saying that the film “”will take place outside of all previous X-film continuity…” and then our collective heads exploded in a ball of confusion.
What we were able to decipher from director doublespeak is that Logan is lonely because all his friends from the school are either dead, maybe dead, possibly dead, or have left the school so he goes off to Japan for a good time only to have things go wrong because he’s Wolverine and that’s how he rolls.
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About the Author - GHERU
RU, or as he’s known in the writers’ room: the cute one, is relatively unappreciated in his time. RU’s YouTube show, RUviews is watched by literally multiple people every month and his Outhouse articles have helped line many a bird cage. Before you send RU a message, he knows that there are misspelled words in this article, and probably in this bio he was asked to write. RU wants everyone to know that after 25+ years of collecting he still loves comic books and can’t believe how seriously fanboys take them. RU lives in Akron Ohio (unfortunately) with WIFE, ‘lilRuRu, and the @DogGodThor.
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