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Playstation 3 Approved in China, Gamers Must Choose Between Console or Baby

Written by Jude Terror on Monday, November 05 2012 and posted in News with Benefits
Playstation 3 Approved in China, Gamers Must Choose Between Console or Baby

One part of this headline is true, and the other we might have made up. Can you guess which is which?

Source: Joystiq

For years, sales of video game consoles have been effectively banned in the People's Republic of China. It makes sense. With the rate that people die playing World of Warcraft on internet cafes over there, allowing a video game console into your living room is the equivalent of keeping a flesh eating zombie in your kitchen cupboard. Nevertheless, China has just given Sony the green light to sell PS3s in the country, valid until 2016.

We don't have any hard evidence to back this up, but we assume that the purchase of a game console is part of China's long-running population control plan, which prohibits families in urban areas from having more than one child (there are exceptions for special circumstances, such as families in rural areas who need help on the farm, or families who live near an iPhone factory that's running low on child laborers). The policy has led to the abortion or worse of female children, and consequently a gender imbalance in China. Now, parents may be forced to choose not just between a male or female child, but a home video game system as well. It would be nice for junior to carry on the family dynasty, but babies are a lot of work, and the chance to play Uncharted or God of War is likely to prove a tempting third option.

It could also prove beneficial for American gamers, who will probably be able to buy a Chinese bootleg of Skyrim's DLC Dawnguard for the PS3 before Bethesda actually puts out the official version.

Meanwhile, The Outhouse would like to prepare gamers in the West for the influx of Chinese-speaking gamers to Sony's Playstion Network online gaming service. With that in mind, we've collected ten notable profane Mandarin phrases from Wikipedia so that you can mix and match your own unnecessary, sophomoric insults to hurl at your opponents during your next game of Call of Doody.

  • jībā - penis
  • bī - vagina
  • lǎo piáo - whore fucker
  • jì nǚ - whore
  • da doufu - big tits
  • pìyǎn - asshole
  • lūgǔan - jerking off
  • chuī​ gōng - blow job
  • gàn nǐ mā - fuck your mom
  • cào nǐ zǔzōng shíbā dài - fuck your ancestors to the eighteenth generation

See, don't say you never learned anything on The Outhouse.

You're welcome.

Ungrateful pìyǎns. Cào nǐ zǔzōng shíbā dài.


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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!