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Fourteen Year Old Boy Thrilled about New Constantine Series

Written by ThanosCopter on Friday, November 09 2012 and posted in News with Benefits
Fourteen Year Old Boy Thrilled about New Constantine Series

The adolescent youth is thrilled that his mother will finally let him have Constantine comics in his room.

Source: ThanosCopter Newswire

While many fans are railing against DC’s decision to replace the long-running series Hellblazer with a watered-down PG-13 series entitled Constantine, at least one reader is thrilled by the decision.  Fourteen year old Johnny Ackley is excited about the new series.  “I’ve loved Constantine ever since I saw the movie at a sleepover last year,” Johnny said, referencing the critically panned Keanu Reeve movie.  “I’ve always wanted to read more about him, but my mom won’t let me.”

Johnny’s mother, a devout Christian named Margaret, confirmed that she wouldn’t allow any Hellblazer comics in her home.  “After my son became obsessed with this British ne’er-do-well, I went to the store to see if these comics were appropriate for him to read,” she said.  “My word, I’ve never read such an offensive comic.  Casual sex!  Cursing!  Demonic worship!  There was no way I’d allow my Johnny to be corrupted by such a vile thing.”

After reading the comic, Johnny's mother instituted a strict ban of Hellblazer from the Ackley household.  "I cried when she tore down my Constantine poster," Johnny said.  "Now she only lets me read stuff like Identity Crisis and Catwoman." 

 Johnny was ecstatic to hear that DC had decided to scrub Constantine of his more offensive habits.  “My friend told me about the news while we were shooting hookers in the new Grand Theft Auto MMORPG,” he said. “I was so excited, I killed like a dozen cops in celebration!”

The teenager also didn’t seem to be upset to learn that the character would be dialed down from his gritty roots.  “Keanu Reeves wasn’t gritty at all and he was perfect as the character,” Johnny said.  “I don’t see why the comics needed to be either.”

Johnny's mother was also relieved to hear of Hellblazer's cancelation.  "I see no reason why superhero comics need to deal with adult themes," she said.  "Luckily, mainstream comics never feature things like sex, gratuitous violence, or casual drug use."

However, she remains weary about the prospect of letting her son read the new Constantine series.  “I heard that Constantine smokes,” she said.  “I don’t think it’s a good idea for my son to look up to a character that has such low regards for his health.” 


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About the Author - ThanosCopter

ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.


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